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Expect The Worst

merricat

merricat

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It is surprising how many people I have met who live by this creed. It seems to function as a peculiar example of 'negative faith' which may serve to protect (or prepare) the believer from all manner of eventual or potential disasters and ill luck.
I have a friend who once told me that she always expects the very worst to happen so as to shield herself from misfortune. Her reasoning is that the eventual misfortune then won't come as a shock, she will already have prepared herself for it.
I have a relative who is similar, except he actively seeks evidence (signs or omens?) of disasters to come, which overcrowds his experience of living in the present. To his mind, all medical, romantic and financial issues scatter a crumb trail of 'signs' before they inevitably happen. Not precognitive signs, just an absolute certainty or expectancy.

Is this an inbuilt faculty designed to fortify us with a sense of preparedness, or is it plain old negative thinking?

I tend to believe it is a destructive pattern of thinking, due to my own experience of observing certain outcomes in my life, and the thinking that preceded them. When I have expected the best, I have had a certain degree of success, as opposed to expecting the worst, which has created a kind of self confirming feedback loop of hopelessness.

Listening to my friend, it seems that this steady, low level stream of catastrophizing gives her a sense of control over her life. She admits that it is an inability to live with uncertainty. I am sure we can all relate to this.
There is a popular saying "Expect the best, prepare for the worst", but I have often heard it the other way around.
 
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I know a catastrophiser and it can be difficult to spend any long period of time with them, but of course I appreciate it is a form of anxiety.

I prefer 'hope for the best but prepare for the worst' approach as adopted by the SAS, as see this as taking sensible measures to ensure, for example, that you have enough money until the next pay day but not endlessly worrying I might get an unexpected bill or the boiler will breakdown*

*it is covered by insurance which is an example of this philosophy
 
That does sound like a healthy philosophy to live by. I wonder if the problem stems from placing too much focus on the prepare for the worst part, which could easily slip into superstition or obsession? The opposite might be blind positivity, going with the flow, placing too much faith in magical resolutions. I suppose the balancing of the two is crucial. I have too many past examples of not preparing for the worst!
 
merricat said:
It is surprising how many people I have met who live by this creed. It seems to function as a peculiar example of 'negative faith' which may serve to protect (or prepare) the believer from all manner of eventual or potential disasters and ill luck.
I have a friend who once told me that she always expects the very worst to happen so as to shield herself from misfortune. Her reasoning is that the eventual misfortune then won't come as a shock, she will already have prepared herself for it.
I have a relative who is similar, except he actively seeks evidence (signs or omens?) of disasters to come, which overcrowds his experience of living in the present. To his mind, all medical, romantic and financial issues scatter a crumb trail of 'signs' before they inevitably happen. Not precognitive signs, just an absolute certainty or expectancy.

Is this an inbuilt faculty designed to fortify us with a sense of preparedness, or is it plain old negative thinking?

I tend to believe it is a destructive pattern of thinking, due to my own experience of observing certain outcomes in my life, and the thinking that preceded them. When I have expected the best, I have had a certain degree of success, as opposed to expecting the worst, which has created a kind of self confirming feedback loop of hopelessness.

Listening to my friend, it seems that this steady, low level stream of catastrophizing gives her a sense of control over her life. She admits that it is an inability to live with uncertainty. I am sure we can all relate to this.
There is a popular saying "Expect the best, prepare for the worst", but I have often heard it the other way around.
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My youngest is a catastrophiser. He has autism, and from what we can tell, has been catastrophizing since an early age (he's 10 now). Things he's catastrophized about over the years:

1). Mum will die whilst he is at school (he doesn't seem bothered about me).
2). The Earth will be swallowed by the Sun in 5 billion years.
3). An asteroid is going to land on the house.

It's also worth noting that both my kids were adopted by us back in 2015. Both suffer from a certain amount of Attachment Disorder as well. We think this plays into the catastrophizing as well. We are trying very hard to break him of the habit, but it will likely be a long road; Even if we can manage it.
 
Her philosophy sounds very much like the Stoic's 'premeditatio malorum'? Where you are not taken by surprise by the horrid things that can happen if they do. But in fact you are ready for them. And that it makes you appreciate the good things you have got before they are taken away from you by disaster.
I've been a catastrophiser and I realised it, and tried to stop doing it because it was making me super stressed. I think I swung the other way too hard though and have been avoiding anxiety by just not thinking about the future at all. I think I probably need to take some advice from your friend and Marcus Aurelius and head for the middle route.
 
You can't prepare for the worst. If it comes to that, you're fucked, so you might as well just sit down.

Have a sober estimate of what you know from past experience you can bear up to and live to avoid letting it get that bad. I think that's what most of us do instinctively without needing to mantracise it.
 
Mr. Banooka said:
My youngest is a catastrophiser. He has autism, and from what we can tell, has been catastrophizing since an early age (he's 10 now). Things he's catastrophized about over the years:

1). Mum will die whilst he is at school (he doesn't seem bothered about me).
2). The Earth will be swallowed by the Sun in 5 billion years.
3). An asteroid is going to land on the house.

It's also worth noting that both my kids were adopted by us back in 2015. Both suffer from a certain amount of Attachment Disorder as well. We think this plays into the catastrophizing as well. We are trying very hard to break him of the habit, but it will likely be a long road; Even if we can manage it.
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That does sound challenging, I wonder if him becoming aware of those patterns as he grows older could mitigate the effect?
 
skinny said:
You can't prepare for the worst. If it comes to that, you're fucked, so you might as well just sit down.

Have a sober estimate of what you know from past experience you can bear up to and live to avoid letting it get that bad. I think that's what most of us do instinctively without needing to mantracise it.
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This is sort of how I feel about it, and have often found that many of the most unpleasant eventualities couldn't have been prepared for much at all (excepting issues such as Paul_Exeter's boiler insurance example above). I have also dabbled with avoidance, which can result in it's own mounting anxieties. I sometimes need to be pushed to go to screenings, and I prefer to shy away from panic (covid) but it it best to maintain some kind of balance.
 
merricat said:
That does sound challenging, I wonder if him becoming aware of those patterns as he grows older could mitigate the effect?
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My ex (in his fifties) never grew out of it. He daily expected the absolute worst to happen and would take all efforts to ensure it didn't. It NOT happening therefore just reinforced his belief that he needed to do these things to prevent it - not quite superstition, but things like closing and locking every door and window whilst in the house (sounds sensible, but he lived in a small village in the middle of nowhere, and everything closed and locked during the day in the middle of summer is extremely claustrophobic and hot). He never got burgled. Well, of course not. But neither did any of his neighbours who left their doors and windows open - a fact he absolutely could not deal with. When I pointed it out to him, his reaction was 'well, they WILL get burgled, one day, and I won't'.

I found that I became a complete Pollyanna and over-the-top, unnaturally cheery and careless to counteract his downbeat and depressing mindset.
 
catseye said:
My ex (in his fifties) never grew out of it. He daily expected the absolute worst to happen and would take all efforts to ensure it didn't. It NOT happening therefore just reinforced his belief that he needed to do these things to prevent it - not quite superstition, but things like closing and locking every door and window whilst in the house (sounds sensible, but he lived in a small village in the middle of nowhere, and everything closed and locked during the day in the middle of summer is extremely claustrophobic and hot). He never got burgled. Well, of course not. But neither did any of his neighbours who left their doors and windows open - a fact he absolutely could not deal with. When I pointed it out to him, his reaction was 'well, they WILL get burgled, one day, and I won't'.

I found that I became a complete Pollyanna and over-the-top, unnaturally cheery and careless to counteract his downbeat and depressing mindset.
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This also reminds me of OCD, although I am no expert! My family know someone with similar concerns about domestic intrusion who nails his windows shut. This is characterised by repetitive checking, even the knobs on an old cooker that isn't used anymore. Saying that, he has a good lifestyle and has had a decent amount of success, it doesn't seem to affect his day to day living in a noticeable way.

I can see why you might have gone the other way. I have experienced the opposite, where someone's worrying preoccupations almost dragged me down with them. I had to dramatically alter my responses to them, which has worked out well in recent years.
 
merricat said:
This also reminds me of OCD, although I am no expert! My family know someone with similar concerns about domestic intrusion who nails his windows shut. This is characterised by repetitive checking, even the knobs on an old cooker that isn't used anymore. Saying that, he has a good lifestyle and has had a decent amount of success, it doesn't seem to affect his day to day living in a noticeable way.

I can see why you might have gone the other way. I have experienced the opposite, where someone's worrying preoccupations almost dragged me down with them. I had to dramatically alter my responses to them, which has worked out well in recent years.
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Yes, I'm familiar with OCD and this wasn't it, he didn't repeatedly have to check, but he did have to carry out behaviours that he'd been told were correct perhaps, once, a very long time before. Like being told not to touch anything hot at the age of five would mean that he would behave as though turning on the stove was an action that had to be carried out with all precautions in place. He simply couldn't just shrug and say 'yep, that's a bit over the top isn't it?'
 
My wife is an genuine optimist.

I am a genuine pessimist.

When things actually work, I am amazed, for example when we had to change out our broken tower on our computer we figured it out and I was truly proud of us.

Then we had our car worked on, and the mechanic for no reason disconnected the radio and I said to myself why am I not surprised.
 
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charliebrown said:
My wife is an genuine optimist.

I am a genuine pessimist.

When things actually work, I am amazed, for example when we had to change out our broken tower on our computer we figured it out and I was truly proud of us.

Then we had our car worked on, and the mechanic for no reason disconnected the radio and I said to myself why am I not surprised.
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Now that is very Charlie Brown!
 
Ha ha !

Is that is why I call myself CharlieBrown for those who are familiar with the comic book character.

Lucy is always pulling the football from out underneath me !

Only Snoopy the Dog understands.
 
I have come to realize that yesterday is gone and nothing can be done about it, and we have no control over tomorrow.
But today is for living, I like to always move forward and be happy with today.
When people ask me if the glass is half full or half empty, I always say mine is overflowing!
 
Is my glass half full or half empty? Half full or half empty of what? I mean if it's half empty of bat's piss I'm probably quite cheerful but if it's half full of bat's piss I'm probably a bit annoyed.

You just never get given the full picture........:)
 
charliebrown said:
You have to ask yourself is the glass half empty or is the glass half full ?
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I guess it depends on the balance of good and bad. Personally, I'd rather have a full glass rather than a half-empty one.
 
...Maybe it’s not a “bad” philosophy to live by...as long as it gives you a good or more positive feeling when the worst doesn’t happen or things/people/ circumstances/ cars/bikes/ machinery actually turn out ok or function as they should. Then that could be seen as a benefit... trouble is too much of this filter turned up to 11 means we can miss out on so many good things that happen and we become defensive or even more afraid of the future-which is gonna come along no matter what.

My “philosophy” is degrees of Shit will happen at sometime, ranging from losing your keys to losing loved ones and ultimately your own life... it’s getting the attitude dial set about right, understanding the Universe is just “ there” it doesn’t care, but at the same time trying to recognise that, trying to place some kind of reason and purpose on a totally indifferent system ( religion/ science etc ) ...
TBH, existing at all is an incredibly unlikely event and that’s all part of the fun...
Sometimes you have to be a bit Eeyore, sometimes a bit Pooh.. Oh, and glass half full or half empty- whatever the circs - mines a pint- press on and damn the torpedoes!

Good luck out there, all!
 
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