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Depression

I don't find it "sad" at all. People get sick, it happens. The important thing is getting better or finding ways to deal with the illness and trying to live your life with or despite the illness. Nothing terribly sad about that. Hard work and maybe not fair, but I couldn't describe it as sad.
 
EyronRen said:
I don't find it "sad" at all. People get sick, it happens. The important thing is getting better or finding ways to deal with the illness and trying to live your life with or despite the illness. Nothing terribly sad about that. Hard work and maybe not fair, but I couldn't describe it as sad.
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But, surely, it is in the 'eye of the beholder'?
You don't think of yourself as sad; yet others may view you as such?
 
Carmilla K said:
But, surely, it is in the 'eye of the beholder'?
You don't think of yourself as sad; yet others may view you as such?
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They may well do but that says more about their preconceptions than it does about me and my life. If or when I get cancer I won't expect pity from the people helping me get through it. What I mean is that the illness doesn't define one. Yes, I lack energy and maybe I sometimes wish I wasn't here, but my life isn't a sad one. In many ways it's a privileged one; I'm just a melancholic and a rather misanthropic soul surrounded by lovely things!

But anyway, hi!! welcome to the board...I hope you get stuck in and we get to speak to each other in different (happier?) threads! x
 
Naughty_Felid said:
Actually I'm stepping out of this thread as it's scaring the life out of me. Please people don't self prescribe.
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Naughty you're very right, it's a very stupid thing to do but I wanted to share how I got out of the messy trap I got myself into after making that initial mistake of self prescribing, my case might be a bit extreme but it should serve as a cautionary tale for others. But also in an attempt to cheer you up I present you with a 15th century French ''depressed snail and sad frog'' from the Institutes of Justinian (Montpellier, Bibliothèque interuniversitaire. Section Médecine, H 418, fol. 23v)

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EyronRen said:
Would the first book be "An Unquiet Mind"? It's by Dr Kay Jamison and is one of the foremost accessible books on the subject of Bi-polar disorder (manic-depression). Stephen Fry presented a superb documentary on bi-polar ten years back called "The Secret Life of the Manic Depressive" and just recently there was a follow up documentary on the BBC: "The Not So Secret Life of the Manic Depressive: Ten Years On". Although bi-polar is its own unique set of conditions, you can discern the pain that depression alone causes. It also gives insight into the problems that occur during manic episodes. It's not simply sad, sad, sad, happy, happy, happy, sad,sad, sad.
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I'm not sure if that was the book. It was autobiographical and the author was male. Certainly the cycle he described was quite complex, I was really just pointing out that when you meet someone who seems to be happy at that time, it doesn't mean they are not a depressive.

He also went into some detail about why the drugs he was prescribed were in some ways worse than the problem, but unfortunately I can't remember how he was eventually cured. I may still have the book somewhere but again I may not - a lot of stuff has got lost in our various moves.
 
At the risk of reviving the dead...this here cartoon struck me (I saw it on Reddit)
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and I was reminded of it by this song...
I hate being depressed and I'm in the early stages of a very real (and frankly terrifying) emotional swandive, so there's that!
 

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I was depressed a couple of years ago. Got really bad- two suicide attempts. Was prescribed citalopram which did keep the wolves from the door somewhat. However, I was abusing it hard. At that time I was a long-term alcoholic and would take any and every drug that came my way. So, the citalopram just went into the cocktail.

Eventually I began a recovery programme and quit everything. A little harder than it sounds in that once sentence but I won't bore you! I still get down but nowhere like those bad old days. I'm not depressed anymore.

My heart goes out to people suffering from depression- it's utterly horrid. Meds can help some, I think they probably did me, but not everyone. Any other medical help, for me, was not on the cards- the local NHS could offer me nothing except, and I kid ye not, a group lecture on stress (I wasn't stressed) and a panpipe cd. Yes, a panpipe cd.

I know it's easy to say but, genuinely, if anyone feels they would benefit from reaching out to a stranger that cares then please feel free to get in touch. I don't do advice or solutions...but I can do listening.

Peace to all.
 
Coastaljames said:
I was depressed a couple of years ago. Got really bad- two suicide attempts. Was prescribed citalopram which did keep the wolves from the door somewhat. However, I was abusing it hard. At that time I was a long-term alcoholic and would take any and every drug that came my way. So, the citalopram just went into the cocktail.

Eventually I began a recovery programme and quit everything. A little harder than it sounds in that once sentence but I won't bore you! I still get down but nowhere like those bad old days. I'm not depressed anymore.

My heart goes out to people suffering from depression- it's utterly horrid. Meds can help some, I think they probably did me, but not everyone. Any other medical help, for me, was not on the cards- the local NHS could offer me nothing except, and I kid ye not, a group lecture on stress (I wasn't stressed) and a panpipe cd. Yes, a panpipe cd.

I know it's easy to say but, genuinely, if anyone feels they would benefit from reaching out to a stranger that cares then please feel free to get in touch. I don't do advice or solutions...but I can do listening.

Peace to all.
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I empathise with you.

My last bad bout was in 2005 and I made an attempt at suicide. Was 10 weeks in a psychiatric hospital. Then in a day hospital for a few weeks to ease me back to work. Had been at the day hospital before the suicide attempt but it didn't work then.

I was suffering from anxiety as well & that can build a feedback loop with the depression.

Forget what the heavy stuff I was on was. Eventually just Lithium & venlafaxine. Off the Lithium now.

I got to see a psychologist as well which helped.

Depression can be really bad. But again when you drink as I did you have a hangover the next day and all of your problems are still there. Depression & booze don't mix well.

I can listen as well if anyone wants to reach out.
 
ramonmercado said:
Depression & booze don't mix well.
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I consider myself a reasonably intelligent chap but the day someone pointed out to me that alcohol was a depressant was the day something clicked in me and one of a few things that made me need to change things. I get a bit frustrated if I'm honest, when I see non-alcoholic friends of mine that are taking antidepressants drinking. Then complaining of their depression.
 
Coastaljames said:
I was depressed a couple of years ago. Got really bad- two suicide attempts. Was prescribed citalopram which did keep the wolves from the door somewhat. However, I was abusing it hard. At that time I was a long-term alcoholic and would take any and every drug that came my way. So, the citalopram just went into the cocktail.

Eventually I began a recovery programme and quit everything. A little harder than it sounds in that once sentence but I won't bore you! I still get down but nowhere like those bad old days. I'm not depressed anymore.

My heart goes out to people suffering from depression- it's utterly horrid. Meds can help some, I think they probably did me, but not everyone. Any other medical help, for me, was not on the cards- the local NHS could offer me nothing except, and I kid ye not, a group lecture on stress (I wasn't stressed) and a panpipe cd. Yes, a panpipe cd.

I know it's easy to say but, genuinely, if anyone feels they would benefit from reaching out to a stranger that cares then please feel free to get in touch. I don't do advice or solutions...but I can do listening.

Peace to all.
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harder than it sounds to someone who hasn't been there, but I so understand what you say. Depression takes everything away from you, and then you have to dig deeper into the emptiness to find a way back out. That dig is impossible without guidance and support, and the NHS does not properly fund mental health conditions such as depression, so you are often left alone with the meds and a hope for the best. So, my God, well done on getting away from it. That speaks volumes about your strength and will; if you can beat depression, you can beat anything!

I don't know if my depressions are ingrained or circumstantial (I suspect the first), but after quite a long time of, if not perfect joy, what was at least some calm and positive forward thinking, I have now hit the slopes of what I unfortunately recognise as a very serious depression. Obviously many people will still say that I should just pull my socks up and crack on. Pretty hard to do when you''re stuck inside, scared witless of every unexpected sound, and you are pinning all your hopes and wishes on an oblivious cat.

Forgive me for unloading everything here, but one of the reasons I am most scared about my emotional drop off is that the meds have literally stopped working. I take them, and my body and brain experiences the symptoms of withdrawal (brain zaps, numbness).

On the plus side, it appears that my depression maybe categorised as "atypical depression" which explains my otherwise odd relentless sense of humour and therefore explains my endless ability to laugh at shit. On an even more positive note, I am, in a fortnight, going to be properly assessed by real life professionals who will ascertain whether I am high functioning (the irony of high functioning gets me every time!) autistic, bi-polar II, or just completely crippled by Borderline Personality Disorder. My personal, self diagnosis of schizoid, doesn't appear to placate any of my doctors. I'm fairly certain this will all end in a very funny interview between myself, an advocate (because I really do lose it with strangers), my doctors, and the DWP. Somewhere along the line, if I could only concentrate, is a BAFTA!!
 
Coastaljames said:
I consider myself a reasonably intelligent chap but the day someone pointed out to me that alcohol was a depressant was the day something clicked in me and one of a few things that made me need to change things. I get a bit frustrated if I'm honest, when I see non-alcoholic friends of mine that are taking antidepressants drinking. Then complaining of their depression.
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Yep, another long-term experiencer here. My brain chemistry is not great but I function well on SSNRI's (eg Venlafaxine) and learned CBT techniques. Had my last - and worst - really bad spell in 2008 after reacting badly to several hours of anaesthetic for a spinal problem, with added withdrawal from constant controlled opiates and nerve pain drugs prior to the surgery. Anything that messes with the old brain chemistry balance knocks me for six, hence I won't even be in the same room as illegal drugs being used and am virtually teetotal.

One of the things I've learned in 25+ years of coping with it is that living healthily and not drinking (apart from sometimes literally just half a glass of vino maybe once a fortnight), not smoking (switched to vaping to get nicotine and very gradually climbing down the nicotine levels) and getting fresh air and sunlight, getting out & about to socialise, exercise, fresh veggies and non-processed foods does help. Being fairly strict about a sleep and rest routine also helps. I am never ashamed to let folks know if I am unwell and therefore can't do something on that day or do the same stuff they do - being a martyr is rubbish!

I feel the same as you - it's like watching a diabetic scoffing chocolate bars and ice creams (and not just the small 'allowed' portion before anyone jumps on me!). I also used to work in the MH area before I became physically disabled, and the numbers of sufferers who also seemed to do everything they could to sabotage their own MH was saddeningly high :(
 
^^ Bless ya Rerenny. I appreciate your post. I had no guidance and support until I met someone very special, and angel I think. And I'm not a hippy-dippy new age type, but it was an angel. And I don't have any willpower really...I just saw that what would happen if I did not get a handle on things was that my 70 year old mother would bury me. And I couldn't do it to her.

You poor thing :( Makes me very sad to read. And being told to pull yer socks up and crack on is about as successful as if you were to say the very same thing to a cancer patient. I know how horrible it is my dear. Just remember that with all of us here you're not alone.

No apologies necessary at all! Get thee to a GP. If there's one thing they're pretty good at is meds.

Last paragraph made me smile. I don't think I ever lost my humour even at my lowest point. Nothing else I could do most of the time. Best of luck with that diagnosis, hope it brings some kind of positive outcome.
 
Rerenny said:
.....but after quite a long time of, if not perfect joy, what was at least some calm and positive forward thinking, I have now hit the slopes of what I unfortunately recognise as a very serious depression. Obviously many people will still say that I should just pull my socks up and crack on. Pretty hard to do when you''re stuck inside, scared witless of every unexpected sound, and you are pinning all your hopes and wishes on an oblivious cat.

Forgive me for unloading everything here, but one of the reasons I am most scared about my emotional drop off is that the meds have literally stopped working. I take them, and my body and brain experiences the symptoms of withdrawal (brain zaps, numbness)....
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Hi Rerenny, I am feeling for you. It may be that you might benefit from a temporarily higher dose if you're taking an SSRI or SSNRI type of medication, as they might not be combatting the higher reuptake of Serotonin and allowing Noradenalin to creep up that happens when we hit a bad spell. I have a standing agreement with my GP that I can go up/down in steps up to an agreed level, and he OK's it with me via phone or email. Just an idea - and please feel free to talk-type here to us :)
 
AnonyJoolz said:
One of the things I've learned in 25+ years of coping with it is that living healthily and not drinking (apart from sometimes literally just half a glass of vino maybe once a fortnight), not smoking (switched to vaping to get nicotine and very gradually climbing down the nicotine levels) and getting fresh air and sunlight, getting out & about to socialise, exercise, fresh veggies and non-processed foods does help. Being fairly strict about a sleep and rest routine also helps.
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Couldn't agree more.

I'm now teetotal and drug-free (have been for 19 months now). Vegetarian (have been since 14) and never eat processed food of any sort...even bread or pasta. Lots and lots of green tea and water. Lots and lots of sleep. I lift weights 3 times a week and do cardio 3 times a week too. Still not too good with the socialising lol, but hey...can't be perfect!
 
ramonmercado said:
I empathise with you.

My last bad bout was in 2005 and I made an attempt at suicide. Was 10 weeks in a psychiatric hospital. Then in a day hospital for a few weeks to ease me back to work. Had been at the day hospital before the suicide attempt but it didn't work then.

I was suffering from anxiety as well & that can build a feedback loop with the depression.

Forget what the heavy stuff I was on was. Eventually just Lithium & venlafaxine. Off the Lithium now.

I got to see a psychologist as well which helped.

Depression can be really bad. But again when you drink as I did you have a hangover the next day and all of your problems are still there. Depression & booze don't mix well.

I can listen as well if anyone wants to reach out.
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Yeah, don't drink when you're depressed and/or on anti depressants. Alcohol so can seem like the answer; it numbs, it frees. But only in the instance that you're taking it. It's bad. It's great if you can handle it, but like any drug it will destroy you if you can't. Heroin is a fantastic drug, but it will kill you if you can't manage it.

Ramon, I'm on venlafaxine but my body has just decided (after nearly a year on it) to ignore its presence. That's beside the point, you seem like you have it under control. Is it easier to get help and support in Ireland? (I am right in thinking you are in Ireland (Eire)?) And yeah, anxiety mixed with depression? Cancerous. According to some people "anxiety" is completely made up by lazy scroungers, but for those who have to deal with it, it's as disabling as losing limbs or senses.

I hate more than anything this bit of the trip down. It's like I'm at the top of slide, no longer on the platform, just gripping the sides of the slide before letting go, and I don't have the strength to turn round and go back up without falling off.

Oof...just to break the darkness, here's my beloved Daft Punk...
 
Hi Rerenny - also a venlafaxine-r here :) I occasionally have to go up to 300 or even 375mg daily, so please see the GP if possible.
 
Coastaljames said:
^^ Bless ya Rerenny. I appreciate your post. I had no guidance and support until I met someone very special, and angel I think. And I'm not a hippy-dippy new age type, but it was an angel. And I don't have any willpower really...I just saw that what would happen if I did not get a handle on things was that my 70 year old mother would bury me. And I couldn't do it to her.

You poor thing :( Makes me very sad to read. And being told to pull yer socks up and crack on is about as successful as if you were to say the very same thing to a cancer patient. I know how horrible it is my dear. Just remember that with all of us here you're not alone.

No apologies necessary at all! Get thee to a GP. If there's one thing they're pretty good at is meds.

Last paragraph made me smile. I don't think I ever lost my humour even at my lowest point. Nothing else I could do most of the time. Best of luck with that diagnosis, hope it brings some kind of positive outcome.
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I send all the love in the world to you. Angels do exist, in some form or another. You're a lucky what not to have found on!! And oh, you have effing tons of will power, you have maintained insight and proportion. THAT is to be celebrated!
 
Rerenny said:
I hate being depressed and I'm in the early stages of a very real (and frankly terrifying) emotional swandive, so there's that!
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I'm sorry to hear that, Rerenny. I can't offer any advice but I do wish you all the best as you navigate these choppy waters. We're here for you. Hang in there!
 
AnonyJoolz said:
Hi Rerenny - also a venlafaxine-r here :) I occasionally have to go up to 300 or even 375mg daily, so please see the GP if possible.
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Thank you! I love that there are people here who have/are going through the same issues. I'm on 300mg a day, but I'm off to see my GP next week to talk about the fact that my brain and limbs are becoming more and more numb. I also have an assessment in a week or so about what actually is my predicament - that is going to be interesting! It might explain why, after many months of group talking therapy I am still sat there going "Uh?"!!
 
Rerenny said:
I send all the love in the world to you. Angels do exist, in some form or another. You're a lucky what not to have found on!! And oh, you have effing tons of will power, you have maintained insight and proportion. THAT is to be celebrated!
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Thank you, that's really kind. They really do.

And no, I strongly believe that willpower is a myth. It doesn't exist. There's just how much work you are willing to put in and how bad do you want the end goal.

And the above refers to getting clean, not depression.
 
Really? You think so? Will Power is surely the expression/title/short-hand for how much work you are willing to put in. If I want something, and I really want it, I will do everything within my power to get it. That exertion is will power manifest, at least that is how I understand it.

I wanted a cat. I really wanted a cat. I spent days in conversation with the RSPCA, the Blue Cross, every breeder that I could find a number for, and every small ad that was offering cats. I found Archie. Me and him got together because of my will power, my determination to find him. Will power isn't a myth, it's the extra effort one puts into a wish. Will power isn't a magical tool that let's you get what you want with no input from yourself. It's the words that express and convey your determination to achieve your goal(s)

Getting clean, recovering from depression, overcoming suicidal thoughts, not hurting oneself - different things but all utilise the same personal strengths. And I will always celebrate anyone who achieves what they want to achieve, whether it is to be the President of Russia or to not use the cheese knife to cut oneself. And I think that the determination to do anything comes from within, from one's own will power. If you are lucky that is helped and supported by people around you. If you are unlucky, you have to do it by yourself. Then your will power, your determination, your lust and love for yourself and your life, really kicks in.

I like you, Coastaljames.
 
Rerenny said:
going to be properly assessed by real life professionals
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whatever the result or none, I can link you into some FB groups which are run for and by Neurodoverse people :) Your tribe is waiting if and well you chose to engage!

As people are being helpful, I know I am not the only autistic here but I am an experienced advocate and peer supporter. Even been trained in autism as well as living with it for all my life lololol If there is anything I can offer to people.... :)
 
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