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240-Year-Old Note Stuffed Up Jesus's Rear

Immigrants stole the statue, and the worst winter for 120 years froze the note inside the statue. However, bacteria also found inside is found to reduce the risk of heart attacks.
 
Immigrants stole the statue, and the worst winter for 120 years froze the note inside the statue. However, bacteria also found inside is found to reduce the risk of heart attacks.

You forgot to mention whether it causes or cures cancer, or both at the same time.
 
There is an irony that this thread is right above the "Star Jelly Is Back" thread... :actw:
 
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