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All The Lonely People: Solitude & Loneliness

I've removed the next page or two to Chat, and given it the snappy title "All The Lonely People sidebar", as diverting as role-playing may be it had nothing whatever to do with this thread.

I've had enough of people's fantasy lives hijacking otherwise decent threads for the while, thank you.
 
A few months late with this story:
2.5 million men 'have no close friends'
Stark new research shows chances of friendlessness trebles by late middle age
By John Bingham, Social Affairs Editor
9:46PM GMT 14 Nov 2015

It is among the most basic of human needs but stark new research suggests that more than two and a half million British men have no friends they would turn to for help or advice in a crisis.
A study of relationships in the UK found that men’s chances of friendlessness almost treble between their early 20s and late middle age.

And married men are also significantly less likely than their single counterparts to say they have friends to turn to outside of the home.
The new findings will add weight to warnings of a “crisis of masculinity” in Britain amid evidence of an alarming rise in suicide among men, especially those in middle age.

The findings emerge from research carried out by the Movember Foundation, the group behind the annual charity fundraising event in which men grow moustaches for the month of November.
In addition to raising money to combat male cancers the group is focussing on increasing awareness of male mental health issues.

Last month research published by the charity campaign “Calm” (Campaign Against Living Miserably) showed that more four in 10 men have thought about taking their own lives at some point.

etc...

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/acti...73/2.5-million-men-have-no-close-friends.html
 
A few months late with this story:
2.5 million men 'have no close friends'
Stark new research shows chances of friendlessness trebles by late middle age
By John Bingham, Social Affairs Editor
9:46PM GMT 14 Nov 2015

It is among the most basic of human needs but stark new research suggests that more than two and a half million British men have no friends they would turn to for help or advice in a crisis.
A study of relationships in the UK found that men’s chances of friendlessness almost treble between their early 20s and late middle age.

And married men are also significantly less likely than their single counterparts to say they have friends to turn to outside of the home.
The new findings will add weight to warnings of a “crisis of masculinity” in Britain amid evidence of an alarming rise in suicide among men, especially those in middle age.

The findings emerge from research carried out by the Movember Foundation, the group behind the annual charity fundraising event in which men grow moustaches for the month of November.
In addition to raising money to combat male cancers the group is focussing on increasing awareness of male mental health issues.

Last month research published by the charity campaign “Calm” (Campaign Against Living Miserably) showed that more four in 10 men have thought about taking their own lives at some point.

etc...

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/active/mens-health/11996473/2.5-million-men-have-no-close-friends.html
I always said if you can count your good friends on one hand without any fingers remaining your doing quite well.
 
I always said if you can count your good friends on one hand without any fingers remaining your doing quite well.
I'm in this category, but the point is that social contact matters even if you're in this category. If you restrict yourself to those good friends (that you can trust and rely on), you're probably still selling yourself short overall. We're social animals, and need company for sanity, even if it's not close friends and even if we need to be able to control that contact.
 
Yes there are ones who are good friends you can rely on, others who are just friends but you wouldn't ask too much of them. Then there are ones more like friendly acquaintances and ones you know by sight as well as ones you avoid at all costs.
 
I'm already experimenting with some of these ideas. Good article:
http://www.wsj.com/articles/the-science-of-making-friends-1460992572?mod=e2tw

Finding a friend is a lot like dating.
  • Friends lead to friends. Welcome in these ‘bridge’ friends.
  • Don’t limit yourself to people who are just like you.
  • Don’t expect too much too soon.
  • Be open and share about yourself.
  • Follow up. One call or outing isn’t enough. You need to keep pursuing one that seems like it has good potential.
 
anNpG3o_460s_v1.jpg
 
I don't know if this is the right place for this observation but over the last six month it has come to me that all these concessions that Governments grant us under the many hued umbrellas of specific individual social groups is nothing more than a civil rights problem, rather than governments championing smaller aspects of the general population.

When gay people pushed for equal marriage rights under the law, it was more to counter the legal aspect of being in a same sex relationship where estates were held intestate on the death of a much loved partner, partners were excluded from the death bed of a much loved partner by not only blood relations but hospitals - there are many more aspects of inequality found in a same sex partnership that are the direct action of legislation and the law courts. Surely this is a civil rights situation.

Land rights in Australia and the previous hostile actions of the many incumbent governments have only started to be changed since the Eddy Mabo case. Surely this is also a civil rights situation.

Unequal pay for women and men is a civil rights situation.

Positive action by governments, sustaining the rights of migrants and minorities is surely a civil rights situation...


By individualising these small minorities of our population, rather than seeing them as a part of a broad civil rights discrimination by Law, bureaucracy, local government, state government, and finally by a federal government we as an national and international population are minimalised - rendering us as humanity, weaker and less able to see the common antagonist that places and holds us in an unenviable situation.

Bugger special interest groups, unite one and all!
 
This is an interesting tale, tragic yet still compelling, of longtime horror fan Persephone Longueuiel who died in a house fire with her mother. She carried on lengthy correspondence with Neil Gaiman, Clive Barker, Robert Crumb and others, and had an unusual life.

https://www.sandiegoreader.com/news/2017/oct/18/cover-letters-persephone/

One of the interesting bits in the article is that she often said she felt like a gay man trapped in a woman's body... which is exactly what another of my female friends has said on numerous occasions, and my friend actually looks alot like Persephone and even dyes her blond hair black. Small world!
 
This story had a happy ending, he got a great send off.

More than 200 people have turned out to honour a veteran Royal Marine at his funeral after an appeal for mourners was shared thousands of times online.

_103887626_standardbearers.jpg

Standard bearers and buglers helped give David McLaren Kerr a military send-off

Leach & Son funeral directors said David McLaren Kerr, who had been living in mid Wales, had no living family.

Veterans and students were among those who came to pay their respects in Shrewsbury on Tuesday afternoon.

People who attended said Mr McLaren Kerr, who died aged 90 on 7 September, "deserves a good send off".

Mr McLaren Kerr, who had been living at a care home in Newtown, Powys, died at the Royal Shrewsbury Hospital.

More than 200 people, including serving Royal Marines, attended the funeral at Emstrey Crematorium, meaning some had to stand outside to listen to the service. Students from Shrewsbury college attended Royal Marine David McLaren Kerr’s funeral. Charlotte Taylor Jones said she saw the appeal for people to attend. Over 40 students were at the service.

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-shropshire-45879775
 
This story had a happy ending, he got a great send off.

More than 200 people have turned out to honour a veteran Royal Marine at his funeral after an appeal for mourners was shared thousands of times online.

_103887626_standardbearers.jpg

Standard bearers and buglers helped give David McLaren Kerr a military send-off

Leach & Son funeral directors said David McLaren Kerr, who had been living in mid Wales, had no living family.

Veterans and students were among those who came to pay their respects in Shrewsbury on Tuesday afternoon.

People who attended said Mr McLaren Kerr, who died aged 90 on 7 September, "deserves a good send off".

Mr McLaren Kerr, who had been living at a care home in Newtown, Powys, died at the Royal Shrewsbury Hospital.

More than 200 people, including serving Royal Marines, attended the funeral at Emstrey Crematorium, meaning some had to stand outside to listen to the service. Students from Shrewsbury college attended Royal Marine David McLaren Kerr’s funeral. Charlotte Taylor Jones said she saw the appeal for people to attend. Over 40 students were at the service.

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-shropshire-45879775
This veteran deserves every bit of it. I hope the British government also took care of and respected him while he was still alive as well, kudos.
 
This story had a happy ending, he got a great send off.

More than 200 people have turned out to honour a veteran Royal Marine at his funeral after an appeal for mourners was shared thousands of times online.

_103887626_standardbearers.jpg

Standard bearers and buglers helped give David McLaren Kerr a military send-off

Leach & Son funeral directors said David McLaren Kerr, who had been living in mid Wales, had no living family.

Veterans and students were among those who came to pay their respects in Shrewsbury on Tuesday afternoon.

People who attended said Mr McLaren Kerr, who died aged 90 on 7 September, "deserves a good send off".

Mr McLaren Kerr, who had been living at a care home in Newtown, Powys, died at the Royal Shrewsbury Hospital.

More than 200 people, including serving Royal Marines, attended the funeral at Emstrey Crematorium, meaning some had to stand outside to listen to the service. Students from Shrewsbury college attended Royal Marine David McLaren Kerr’s funeral. Charlotte Taylor Jones said she saw the appeal for people to attend. Over 40 students were at the service.

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-shropshire-45879775

Great that he got a good send off. The current Ms Petes had to help arrange a funeral for a veteran a while ago. He was a very quiet reserved gentleman and despite Ms Petes informing veteran's associations of his presence in the care home, they ignored him while he was alive. Somehow it got out on social media that there were no relatives to attend his funeral, nor any friends, neither of which was true. Celebrities got hold of the story as did mainstream media and the whole thing got out of hand. School children, veterans, and complete strangers lined the streets and attended the funeral, hundreds getting involved. Not really what the relatives wanted , and probably not him either. Ms Petes was bombarded with requests for TV interviews , newspaper piccies et al both at the time and for weeks afterwards. I thought it a shame that Associations and others had no interest in him when he was alive, despite the fact he had fascinating stories and was a real old school gentleman.
 
I don't often get touched by a post, this one hit home. The story about the 90 YO marine was a wonderful yet very sad story. I wonder what the gent has been through, likely didn't say much (case with most vets).
Being disabled vet, I can relate. In the states in recent years the government - public has become very supportive of vet's. Long time coming since they fricken ignored us for some time. Apologies if I'm off track with the post.
 
I don't often get touched by a post, this one hit home. The story about the 90 YO marine was a wonderful yet very sad story. I wonder what the gent has been through, likely didn't say much (case with most vets).
Being disabled vet, I can relate. In the states in recent years the government - public has become very supportive of vet's. Long time coming since they fricken ignored us for some time. Apologies if I'm off track with the post.
Despite the fact that there are apparently more than 4000 charities in the UK for servicemen, we should be embarrassed by the manner in which ex servicemen are treated.
 
A really sad case.

An elderly man has remained in a psychiatric hospital here for more than 30 years without his true identity having ever been established, the High Court has heard.

The man was first admitted to the psychiatric hospital after being taken there by gardaí in the mid-1980s. He was reported to be living “a hermit’s life” and sleeping rough in a bus shelter with a dog whom he said he had “on loan”. He had also referred to living in Dublin "for years". At some point after his admission, he was given a name and estimated date of birth of 1930 but essentially remains a 'John Doe'.

Efforts to establish his true identity and to find any next of kin have failed, to date, but they have been reactivated in recent years arising from advances in technology. The man has a history of schizophrenia and dementia, along with cardiac and respiratory conditions, and his condition is deteriorating.

https://www.irishexaminer.com/break...atric-hospital-for-over-30-years-1001535.html
 
A really sad case.

An elderly man has remained in a psychiatric hospital here for more than 30 years without his true identity having ever been established, the High Court has heard.

The man was first admitted to the psychiatric hospital after being taken there by gardaí in the mid-1980s. He was reported to be living “a hermit’s life” and sleeping rough in a bus shelter with a dog whom he said he had “on loan”. He had also referred to living in Dublin "for years". At some point after his admission, he was given a name and estimated date of birth of 1930 but essentially remains a 'John Doe'.

Efforts to establish his true identity and to find any next of kin have failed, to date, but they have been reactivated in recent years arising from advances in technology. The man has a history of schizophrenia and dementia, along with cardiac and respiratory conditions, and his condition is deteriorating.

https://www.irishexaminer.com/break...atric-hospital-for-over-30-years-1001535.html
Rather sad, poor chap.
 
A sad case.


The Health Service Executive may seek High Court permission to take a DNA sample from an unidentified vulnerable elderly man, who has been in a psychiatric hospital here for more than 30 years, in a bid to identify him.

Now believed to be in his late 80s or early 90s, the man was first admitted to the psychiatric hospital after being taken there by gardaí in the mid-1980s. He was reported to be living “a hermit’s life” and sleeping rough in a bus shelter with a dog who he said he had “on loan”. He had also referred to living in Dublin “for years”.

At some point after his admission, he was given a name and an estimated date of birth of 1930, but essentially remains a “John Doe”. Efforts to establish his true identity and to find next of kin have so far proven unsuccessful but were reactivated in recent years arising from advances in technology.

The man has a history of mental illness, along with physical health conditions.

His case first came before the High Court last May when Lebeau Jonker, a solicitor for the HSE, secured an order, in the context of intended wardship proceedings, to have a court-appointed doctor visit the man for the purpose of assessing his capacity. ...

https://www.irishtimes.com/news/cri...l+debate&utm_campaign=morning_briefing_digest
 
*nods* Institutionalised.

My Dad worked in Psychiatric centres, and He would take us there when it was hot, for a swim. I remember the institutionalised people who'd been there for decades...I also remember when they decided to 'de-institutionalise' these residents after a professor Dalton suggested that it would be a good idea.

The ex residents didn't have a chance once pushed out, away from the only place a lot of them called home.

Opinions will vary but I think that in the majority, it was the most unkindest cut of all. The majority wound up in gaol, with the harbour side land that was once their home, flogged off at unbelievable prices.

Some people are too frail psychologically to live in our societies and are more suited to being 'institutionalised'. Just an opinion.
 
My Dad worked in Psychiatric centres, and He would take us there when it was hot, for a swim. I remember the institutionalised people who'd been there for decades...I also remember when they decided to 'de-institutionalise' these residents after a professor Dalton suggested that it would be a good idea.

The ex residents didn't have a chance once pushed out, away from the only place a lot of them called home.

Opinions will vary but I think that in the majority, it was the most unkindest cut of all. The majority wound up in gaol, with the harbour side land that was once their home, flogged off at unbelievable prices.

Some people are too frail psychologically to live in our societies and are more suited to being 'institutionalised'. Just an opinion.

Deinstitutionalization failed a lot of people and they ended up on the streets. However, it also did a lot of good.

"Care in the Community" was a move to shift people out of the local big old bins and let them live in the community which I think was the right thing to do for the majority. I totally agree that there is a small percentage of the population that needs a high level of supervision and often containment.

The idea on paper was noble enough and in the long term has seen a shift in how we treat people with mental illness. However, the whole process was largely driven by money.

The old bins were hugely expensive to run and in our western society that had to change. The bins also not only institutionalized the patients but the staff as well and some of the institutions could be brutal. Some of the stories from the old days of the '60s and 70's are shocking. This had to change.

The whole problem was that there was never enough community provision, (there's still nowhere near enough), to support people in the community. Supported accommodation, where a lot of people end up. often has unskilled and poorly trained staff doing heroic work to try and look after our long term mentally ill.

Care in the Community was a success for a lot of people that on paper nobody thought would be able to be safely looked after in the community. This was down to the monumental effort of nurses and support workers to make it work. Unsung heroes the lot of them.

It also let down many others as you say Mungo and they ended up on the streets.

A major problem is that drop-in centers, community groups, work programs, etc have been slashed by governments over the years because you can't quantify their importance to the accountants that run the health service. It's difficult to make a business case for funding, (business case should never be a term linked to health but it is). if you don't have the stats.

People with long term mental health issues, primarily psychosis who live in the community these drop-in centers are essential. Many have been closed down. People would use them daily as a place of refuge and safety and meet their friends - now they are gone.

If someone was starting to deteriorate people would notice and act on it. Close down that drop-in who is going to pick up on that? The Community nurse who only visits once a month?

It's worse now than it was with deinitialization due to the cuts. Although 30 years or so on we have established, ( albeit horribly under-resourced), community teams with experienced staff looking after people.

So yes institutions provided a very real asylum for some but it removed, essentially erased many people from their communities.
 
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"Care in the Community" was a move to shift people out of the local big old bins and let them live in the community which I think was the right thing to do for the majority.

My uncle fell into this category - he had been brain damaged at birth in the 1930s, and although he functioned relatively well, he couldn't look after himself. His sister, my mum, tried to get him to go on courses that would have helped with some of the necessary skills, but unfortunately my grandfather, who became a bitter old curmudgeon after my grandmother's death, refused to let him go on the basis that he needed him at home (to shout at, mostly...). When my grandfather died in 1987, my uncle went to an institution temporarily, but he was fortunate enough to be offered a Care in the Community place in a home owned by a mental health nurse, not far from where he used to live. The house owner was able to keep an eye on him and make sure he was okay, and my uncle stayed there until he died in 1998, I think it was.
 
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