Anal Magic

MrRING

MrRING

Android Futureman
Joined
Aug 7, 2002
Messages
6,061
Can we get to the bottom of anal magic?

Two things:
1. I remember a story from somewhere on this board where a shaman or witchdocter was accused of giving hemorrhoids to a fellow, so the sufferer and some friends went and shot him to death by shooting him repeatedly up his junction.

2. I was listening to the Dark Histories podcast about the murder of Louis I, the Duke or Orleans in 1407, and he had a curious piece of the tale. As part of John the Fearless's confession, among many things he claimed to have done was stop a magical curse placed by Louis I on reigning French monarch Charles VI. Part of the curse involved finding the corpse of a recently executed criminal, putting a magic ring in his mouth, and sticking both a sword AND a sabre up it's anus.

Thus it occurs that the anus may have properties in occult and magical practices around the world. Are there other tales from this most unholy of holes?
 
Some book I was reading as a teenager stated that in a certain culture, possibly Spanish, a dangerous witch could be killed by having wooden pegs hammered into her arms.

For quite a while I imagined the pegs as the clothesline type and puzzled over their supposed deadly properties.
Also, why and how the arms? :dunno:

Seems the pegs were more like tent pegs and the 'arms' were actually the anus, which word I didn't know at the time.

So that's what was going on, then. :bthumbup:
 
Mythopoeika said:
I thought this thread was a misspelling of 'Animal Magic'. Silly me.
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Same here.
Thought it was a tribute to Johnnie Morris.

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escargot said:
Some book I was reading as a teenager stated that in a certain culture, possibly Spanish, a dangerous witch could be killed by having wooden pegs hammered into her arms.

For quite a while I imagined the pegs as the clothesline type and puzzled over their supposed deadly properties.
Also, why and how the arms? :dunno:

Seems the pegs were more like tent pegs and the 'arms' were actually the anus, which word I didn't know at the time.

So that's what was going on, then. :bthumbup:
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Never mind dangerous witches, I reckon having tent pegs hammered up your jacksie wouldn't be good for the health of anyone at all.

I don't think 'anal magic' is necessarily a thing. I just think that some people have a bum fixation. And because of the fragile nature of the tissues, it is quite easy to cause a lot of harm with very little effort, so you could pretty much switch 'anus' for 'mouth'* and the effect would be the same.

*Don't try this at home.
 
catseye said:
so you could pretty much switch 'anus' for 'mouth'* and the effect would be the same.
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Worst chat up line ever?:)

Magical ritual, ancient/medieval punishment, and both historical and modern torture are three areas which seem to give free rein to a certain type of person's fixation with naughty bits: the bum, the genitals, and the breasts.

Magical ritual, punishment, and torture are also three areas where a certain type of person exercises, or tries to exercise, power over someone else.

Coincidence? I think not.
 
Mikefule said:
Worst chat up line ever?:)

Magical ritual, ancient/medieval punishment, and both historical and modern torture are three areas which seem to give free rein to a certain type of person's fixation with naughty bits: the bum, the genitals, and the breasts.

Magical ritual, punishment, and torture are also three areas where a certain type of person exercises, or tries to exercise, power over someone else.

Coincidence? I think not.
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Well, bum and genitals and mouth are where a lot of nerve endings are. So if you're going to torture someone then they would be good places to start, that and fingertips. No point in trying to torture someone by kicking them in the shins (although that also hurts, for the record).
 
I perform anal magic every morning and to me it's not like torture. It fact it's the opposite although if anyone had to use the loo after me they'd certainly call it torture.


Has any thread ever gone off topic as quickly as this one?
 
catseye said:
Never mind dangerous witches, I reckon having tent pegs hammered up your jacksie wouldn't be good for the health of anyone at all.

I don't think 'anal magic' is necessarily a thing. I just think that some people have a bum fixation. And because of the fragile nature of the tissues, it is quite easy to cause a lot of harm with very little effort, so you could pretty much switch 'anus' for 'mouth'* and the effect would be the same.

*Don't try this at home.
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Go on Youtube and watch the 'ass to mouth' conversation in CLERKS 2 Dante has with Becky.
 
The Japanese water monster the kappa will often challenge an unsuspecting human to a sumo match and easily overpower them with it’s magickal brawn. The defeated victim would have his bowles devoured after they were ripped from his anus. Animals would be killed by kappas in this way as well. Kappa was particualy fond of the shirikodama,a fabled ball said to be found near the anus. A kappa victim will usually have a destended anus and is known as a Gappadoko. Some victims, oddly, seemed to be smiling after their fatal, anal violation!
 
I can think of a couple of examples. The classic one is of course the 'osculum obscenum' : witches would greet their master the Devil by kissing him on the anus, as in the well known woodcut:

osculum.jpg


I seem to remember reading somewhere that witch's Flying Ointment could also be administered as a suppository. Wikipedia suggests that the ingredients would be best absorbed through a mucous membrane, so direct administration to the vulva was popular. But the anus would work just as well.
 
Salmonellus said:
I can think of a couple of examples. The classic one is of course the 'osculum obscenum' : witches would greet their master the Devil by kissing him on the anus, as in the well known woodcut:

View attachment 88883

I seem to remember reading somewhere that witch's Flying Ointment could also be administered as a suppository. Wikipedia suggests that the ingredients would be best absorbed through a mucous membrane, so direct administration to the vulva was popular. But the anus would work just as well.
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"...And for all the good it did me, I might as well have shoved up me hoop!"
 
pandacracker said:
I'm going to try and slip that into conversation as often as possible.
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As long as that's the only place you're slipping it, thank you very much!

Sounds very much like one of those made up chemicals that people who create glorified lard to put on your face use: Contains Madeuperitis Bullshitium, dyureallybuythisbollox, osculum obscenum...and cabbage water.
 
lordmongrove said:
The Japanese water monster the kappa will often challenge an unsuspecting human to a sumo match and easily overpower them with it’s magickal brawn. The defeated victim would have his bowles devoured after they were ripped from his anus. Animals would be killed by kappas in this way as well. Kappa was particualy fond of the shirikodama,a fabled ball said to be found near the anus. A kappa victim will usually have a destended anus and is known as a Gappadoko. Some victims, oddly, seemed to be smiling after their fatal, anal violation!
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You got to this oddity before I did, but this is what I was able to uncover about it, which shows that Sir Mix-A-Lot likely decends from the kappa lineage:
https://hyakumonogatari.com/2012/01/25/kappa-to-shirikodama-kappa-and-the-small-anus-ball/
You have a magical ball in your butt, and kappa want it.

At least that is how the story goes. Although modern kappa are often portrayed as cute and mostly harmless, during the Edo period they were monsters who had a particularly vicious method of killing their victims. In probably one of the strangest bits of Japanese folklore, it is said that human beings have something in their body called a shirikodama (尻子玉), which translates literally as “small anus ball.” The ball is nestled either immediately inside the anus, or deeper inside the intestines or the stomach. The kappa have a preferred method of extraction.

Folklorist/manga artist Mizuki Shigeru wrote:

“Ever since I was a child I heard that I had to be careful in the water because the kappa would try and take my shirikodama. It was said that in the water, a kappa would come from below, extend an arm upwards and stick a hand up your anus to extract the ball.”

In some stories, the kappa don’t reach up with their hands but instead actually suck the shirikodama from the body. However it was taken, the person whose shirikodama was extracted from was almost always killed in the process. Usually the kappa would hold them underwater to drown them first, before taking the ball.

What is a Shirikodama?

No one really agrees on what the shirikodama is. Some say that it is the human soul, hardened into physical form. Some say that the shirikodama in pictures resembles the Buddhist Hojo, or wish-granting jewel. The hojo was onion-shaped, with a round body and a tapered top. The usual depiction of the shirikodama does indeed resemble this shape.

Many associate the shirikodama with the liver. Kappa were known to love human livers, and some say that the shirikodama was the liver, or that the ball was blocking access to the liver with the liver being the actual target for the kappa.

Why Do They Want It?

Again, no one really knows for sure. The most basic explanation is that kappa consider the shirikodama to be a delicious delicacy and that they eat it as soon as it is removed. This explanations is contradicted by some Edo era depictions such as the one by Jippensha Ikku that shows a kappa with a freshly extracted shirikodama holding it far away from his face and clearly disgusted with the item. The shirikodama was said to smell as bad as the anus it was removed from.

In one story, it was said that the kappa paid the shirikodama as a sort of tribute and tax to the Dragon King who lived under the sea and was the lord of all things under the water. What the Dragon King would want with such an item no one has dared to guess.

But they did want it. A humorous print by Hokusai Katsushika called “How to Fish for Kappa” (Onajiku kappa-wo tsuru no hō ; 同河童を釣るの法) shows a man using his own backside as bait to lure a kappa in to be caught with a net.

The Origin of the Shirikodama

The most commonly accepted origin is that drowning victims often have an open or extended anus, looking as if something was taken out of it. Bodies that had drowned in the river or ocean and then washed up on shore might have looked as if something had been forcibly extracted from the anus.

With kappa moving further and further way from their role as monsters in Japan, the legend of the shirikodama is on its way to being forgotten. Kappa have been recast in Japan as being friendly mascots of various companies or harmless characters on children’s cartoons. In movies like the popular “My Summer Vacation with Coo the Kappa,” the cute little kappa Coo never once sneaks up on its human friend Koichi to forcibly remove a magical ball from his anus.
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lordmongrove said:
The Japanese water monster the kappa will often challenge an unsuspecting human to a sumo match and easily overpower them with it’s magickal brawn. The defeated victim would have his bowles devoured after they were ripped from his anus. Animals would be killed by kappas in this way as well. Kappa was particualy fond of the shirikodama,a fabled ball said to be found near the anus. A kappa victim will usually have a destended anus and is known as a Gappadoko. Some victims, oddly, seemed to be smiling after their fatal, anal violation!
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Dear Gods.
I've been binge-reading the Erma webcomic (lots of Japanese folklore and mythology) - and I'll never look at Haru the Kappa in the same way. He (or she) looks so small, weedy and inoffensive - and I'm now wondering if it's meant to be an in-joke that Haru is obsessed with cucumbers. Still... this explains that pointy sharp beak!
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AgProv said:
Dear Gods.
I've been binge-reading the Erma webcomic (lots of Japanese folklore and mythology) - and I'll never look at Haru the Kappa in the same way. He (or she) looks so small, weedy and inoffensive - and I'm now wondering if it's meant to be an in-joke that Haru is obsessed with cucumbers. Still... this explains that pointy sharp beak! View attachment 88952
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The kappa had a magick liquid in a depression on their heads that made them strong enough to kill a horse. They were very polite so if you bowed to one if felt obliged to bow back and the liquid would fall out rendering the kappa harmless. You could also thwart them by giving them a cucumber or aubergine with your initials carved into it.
 
RaM said:
A very clever thing a anus, it can tell the difference between gas solid and liquid
and very rarely gets it pant changingly wrong.

:sstorm:
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I have on occasion pondered on that very notion, but never to the point where I have been able to quite put it into words. You have done so very eloquently @RaM .
 
skinny said:
Jesus.
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But if all professed Christians are part of the Body of Christ, and Jesus became human in all respects... I'm imagining a ring of dubious televangelists and spiritual advisors to American presidents, holding hands and bracing themselves. (Well, it's canonical that He ate stuff, like anybody else).

What does the Bible have to say on this?
 
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