Been a good year for bad days, or a bad year for good days*

[meowfur]

We called it the Summer of Death, and while I know it wasn’t all about me, the only common element WAS me.

The last week in April, my long-time friend Pete’s stepfather died. The following Friday, my sister had her elderly dog put to sleep. That Monday, my cat Meowfur (who was 16) woke me up howling, and he was clearly dying. I tried to clean him up while I waited for my next-door-neighbor (my vet) to come over, and he bit me (HARD!) on the cheekbone, my throat just below my chin, and the ring finger on my left hand. I really didn’t pay much attention to that (although the bathroom was splattered with blood – it looked a crime scene), and we ended up having to put him to sleep. The vet tried to clean up my finger, but by the end of the day it was the size of about three of my fingers put together. Fortunately my face and chin did NOT get infected, and my doctor put me on this killer antibiotic, called Augmentin. (A little tip here. If your doctor ever wants to give you Augmentin, RUN LIKE HELL.) To its credit, it cleared up the infection in about two days, but it also made me so sick I lost 5 pounds and had the runs for 3 weeks. No kidding.

So, anyway…the week following all this drama, my friend Ray’s mother died. Then on the Saturday of Mother’s Day weekend, my friend Dolores’ and my friend George’s mothers died. On Mother’s Day, my friend Ruth Ann’s mother died. My nephew-in-law left my niece who was pregnant with their fifth son.

The week after that, my childhood friend Debbie lost her fight with breast cancer. That weekend, my brother’s childhood friend died of a heart attack. Two weeks after that, my friend Kris’ mother drowned. The day after that my friend Tim’s dad died.

I’m glad the year’s (almost) over. I guess I should just write a book.

*Thanks to Roger Clyne of the Peacemakers (and the Refreshments) for the fitting lyrics.

 

[PeniG]

:likee:

It's almost over now; but go easy on yourself for awhile. You don't get over this crap all in a week. My Year from Hell was 2005, and I can still feel it dragging behind me like a ball and chain...

Hint: If bitten by a cat hard enough to break the skin, get medical attention ASAP. My hand swelled up like a basketball and even after treatment I couldn't carry it lower than my heart without pain for about three days. The doctor had me sitting with my hand immersed in iodine for an hour or so. It didn't hurt much going in, but that bacteria is nasty stuff.

It was my own fault though. The cat's tail had been amputated and when I was holding him down for my husband to administer medicine, I accidentally grabbed the stump. I'd have bitten me, too!

 

[James_H]

Last year I had a similar thing - a university friend died (very young) from a fatal disease, an uncle died, my dad's first wife, and one of our dogs. My friend's housemate was also in a rather dramatic drug-related death which was in all the papers recently, but I didn't really know her so. Anyway, it all felt at the time like I was being surrounded by death and was conducive to quite a morbid atmosphere. Happily, the people I know have been healthy and very much alive since (touch wood).

 

[escargot]

Meowfur M8, been there, done that.
All I can say is, once the worst has happened, it's over with. Can't possibly be that bad again.

 

[meowfur]

All I can say is, once the worst has happened, it's over with. Can't possibly be that bad again.

I appreciate the thought - but I'm almost afraid to tempt fate!

:?

 

[meowfur]

:likee:

Thanks, I needed that.

 

[escargot]

S'true. Even if the same horrific circs recurred, you've faced them before, so it could never be quite as bad. A little bit of your sensitivity has been killed off: you'll always be slightly numb to future pain. Trust me on this.

 

[Semyaz]

A little bit of your sensitivity has been killed off: you'll always be slightly numb to future pain. Trust me on this.

That sounds horrible. Like a bit of your humanity has been lost, never to be found again :cry:

 

[Pietro_Mercurios]

A little bit of your sensitivity has been killed off: you'll always be slightly numb to future pain. Trust me on this.

That sounds horrible. Like a bit of your humanity has been lost, never to be found again :cry:

It's not your humanity that you lose, more like some of your illusions. Like the illusion that everybody that you know will always be there around you and that things won't change. That death is always a distant prospect and bad things always happen to other people.

Mortality is part of the human condition, we live in a culture that tends to disguise that fact. You just become a little bit more human and mortal. It's a recognition of the inevitable.

 

[escargot]

Yup. Remember how, when you were a child, revelations about how things really work would knock you off your feet? If you were lucky it was the secrets of Father Christmas and the tooth fairy.

When you grow up you don't believe there are any secrets left. Well, there are.

 

[PeniG]

I don't think numbness is quite the word to use. What happens is the edge comes off the fear. The first time something happens you don't know what to do, you can't see your way forward, you don't know how you can possibly deal with it. The second time, you know that you can, because you did; or if you dealt with it badly, you have mistakes you know better than to make again. One reason teen angst is so overwhelming (adults forget this when they're dealing with hysterical teen drama) is that you think you're going to feel this way forever and you'll never get past it, so you stop moving. Once you've been past things a few times you realize that the only way out is through, so you keep on.

Of course if the same thing keeps happening you get really sick of it and raise a kind of spiritual blister. This is one of the things other people are for. Friends and family and when necessary professionals. If something is too hard, you are entitled to ask for help. Far too many people will not ask for help.

These days, when we're having a hard time, and have to do things we don't want to do, that are difficult and unpleasant or sad, we take heart from the fact that doing them is possible. We have had moments in our lives when we could not physically have done them. So what would have been a big problem before the Year from Hell is encouraging now.

 

[escargot]

I don't think numbness is quite the word to use.

I'll use whatever word I choose to describe my own grief, thank you very much.

 

[PeniG]

I beg your pardon; I was speaking generally and didn't work out how it would sound as part of the conversation. Of course you are the only authority on how you feel.

I know I always want to kick people who tell me how I feel, and although I did that to you by accident, you may kick me if you like.

 

[Semyaz]

Can I kick you 'cos I agree with you??

 

[PeniG]

Only escargot can kick me - assuming she can figure out how with only one foot. If you agree with me, I think it would be more appropriate to send me hugs, gold stars, or chocolates. (I like milk chocolate over coconut because then I don't have to share with my husband.)

That stuff they tell you about comfort eating not really making you feel better? Not true at all. It does pack the weight on and cause a problem long term, but sometimes the only way to get through the next five minutes is to charge the system with chocolate or cinnamon rolls or your Mom's mashed potatoes with lots of gravy. Hospitals need to provide full-service kitchen in the waiting rooms, not those vending machines full of stale Snickers. (Though a Snickers bar is better than nothing in dire need.)