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Bizarre & Incorrect Prophecies

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Did a little homework on Criswell, a contemporary of Ed Wood, who was famous for his weird and wonderful prophecies (that were slightly incorrect). Some examples can be found here, my favourite being that in 1995 we will have achieved Utopia due to the elimination, amongst other things, of tight bodices, pyjamas and natural insemination :confused:

Any other good examples of bizarre prophecies?
 
Brilliant stuff! My fave is this one:
1 May 1988 to 30 Mar 1989: United States suffers uncontrollable lust owing to `clouds of an aphrodisiacal fragrance' released by the folly of hubristic science. `Many men will flagrantly expose themselves in public.'

As for other duff predictions, I'm trying to track down the astrologer who was convinced that by 1990 Iceland "would become a key area"...

Also worth a click is this chap, the worlds worst sexual psychic (caveat: it's quite a rude, but very funny site) - just click his prediction for you at the bottom.

Stu
 
Well, in 1999, I wrote an article on failed predictions. Unfortunately, I didn't keep a record of all the sources, but here are some:
The world ended in 172AD, 591AD, 740AD, 1651, 1701, 1843, 1844, 1863, 1900, 1901, 1969, 1992, 1998;
Halley's Comet collides with the Earth in 1984;
California falls into the sea on various dates;
In 1998, Britain will be ruled by King Charles and Queen Diana;
A giant meteor will devastate Nevada in 1992;
Al Gore will become president in 1993, will lead US forces in a war against Iran, after which he will assume world leadership and reveal himself as the Antichrist;
The Antichrist will convert the Pope from Catholicism in 1995 and destroy the Catholic Church in 1996;
Pope John-Paul II will die in 1995 and be suceeded by the first French Pope;
By 2000, two hundred million Chinese will have swept across Asia and into Europe;
By 2000, Russia will have invaded Israel and taken over Turkey;
Britain will disappear under the sea in 1999;
The Moon will suddenly shift thousands of miles out of its orbit in June 1999
On the 16th January 2000, the last human being on Earth will die (after Earth has been pulverised by a meteor strike on the previous December 26th);
On 17th September 2000, the Messiah will appear.
 
Annasdottir said:
On the 16th January 2000, the last human being on Earth will die (after Earth has been pulverised by a meteor strike on the previous December 26th);
On 17th September 2000, the Messiah will appear.

And he spaketh unto the Void, 'Where the F*** is everyone?"
 
The Truth Vibrations (D.Icke) has some cracking predictions in it - massive earthquakes, the pole shift, resurgence of atlantis, and all by the year 2000.
 
Annasdottir said:
By 2000, two hundred million Chinese will have swept across Asia and into Europe;
By 2000, Russia will have invaded Israel and taken over Turkey;
This sounds suspiciously like the Armageddon scenario favoured by US televangelist Jack van Impe. With all the fun and games kicking off in the Middle East, Russia will march south, China west and the US will show up for a big showdown. Wisely, van Impe hasn't put a date on this.
He also says the antichrist will come from the EU, which he regards with suspicion as the re-emergence of the Roman Empire and the beginnings of a World Government.
 
Dark Detective said:
This sounds suspiciously like the Armageddon scenario favoured by US televangelist Jack van Impe. With all the fun and games kicking off in the Middle East, Russia will march south, China west and the US will show up for a big showdown. Wisely, van Impe hasn't put a date on this.
He also says the antichrist will come from the EU, which he regards with suspicion as the re-emergence of the Roman Empire and the beginnings of a World Government.
As far as I can remember, the bit about the Chinese and the Russians came from a book on Nostradamus. But a lot of Christian End-Timers take their cue from a 1970 book by Hal Lyndsey: The Late Great Planet Earth, which predicted all sorts of world disasters before the arrival of the Messiah in 2000. Most of them now keep very quiet, except ones like Impe, who simply change the dates.
Of course, he's not the only one. All those New Agers who were predicting millennial disaster have now jumped on the 2012 bandwagon (with the exception of a few who are happily hoping that Nibiru will wipe us all out next May). I personally find it disturbing that so many people are actively looking forward to death and destruction. As if we didn't already have enough to be getting on with.
 
Coincidentally, the book I'm currently reading, Douglas Adams' last book (The Salmon of Doubt, published posthumously, a collection of oddments and columns) there's an article about predicting the future.

Included therein are some marvellous quotes: apart from the hoary old Decca executive one re the Beatles are:

Irving Fisher, Economics Professor at Yale, who said "Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau." on October 17th, 1929 (effectively hours before the Wall Street crash)

Lord Kelvin in 1897: "Radio has no future."

Ken Olsen of the Digital Equipment Corp, 1977: "There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their own home."

Bill Gates (ha ha ha), 1978: "I cannot conceive of anyone needing more than 640K of memory in a computer."

Tommy Vance, 1982: KajaGooGoo will be bigger than the Beatles, no question." (this last isn't in the book, just still makes me laugh to this day)

Stu
 
God is known as a vengeful entity, one who will end all human existence upon a whim, and many people have taken it that God will end their days on dates of some significance.

Apparently the doomsdayists (I made a new word! Hurrah!) predicted that the world would end in the year 1666 (what with it containing the All-Awe-Inspiring numeral of the beast). And hell would rain (or reign) upon the earth, and the world would burn and mankind would atone for all the sins of the past. Fortunately (or unfortunately as the case may be), God did NOT end the world then however, but he DID oblige with a rather large fire (which, admittedly, took out most of London).

Then of course there was the remarkable year 1524. There were a good many predictions that the world would end by virtue of flood. According to those in the know, all the planets (well, planets that were known of at the time) were in the astrological sign of pisces (which as we all know is a water sign). The occurrence of such a remarkable event surely meant the end of the world! One of the predictors was a chap by the name of Johaimes Stoeffler. One German count apparently took Stoeffler's words to heart, and built a sodding great ark to float upon the wild waters of the coming deluge. God obliged Germany with a light drizzle.
Ironically, the 1878 edition of Britannica spitefully (well, spitefully for Stoeffler and the German count) described the year 1524 "a year...distinguished for its drought."

When the end of the world didn't arrive in 1524, the predictionists claimed that they were a hundred years out, and that the world would end in firey (or watery) death in 1624.
They weren't and it didn't.

October 13, 1736, someone decided that London had been very very naughty indeed, and that God was going to rain terror and frogs and other amphibians upon them. That someone was William Whiston, and the Thames was flooded by Londoners waiting in boats for the predicted End of The World. God was busy elsewhere, apparently.

Then, of course, the plethora of Y2K predictions for World's End! Firey death? Watery death? Bubonic plaguey death? Computer death? None, really. The world went merrily on as before, and as it did when the selfsame predictions (minus the computer death part) were made 1000 years before, in the year 1000AD. God didn't oblige then, either.

One enterprising chap by the name of Pierre Turrel made no less than 4 separate predictions! I guess he figured that one end of the world just was not enough of a torment for all of us, and subsequently predicted the end of the world for 1537, 1544, 1801 and 1814. The end of the world failed to materialize on either of the these dates.

It wasn't all men took a pessimistically dim view of things. A woman by the name of Mother Shipton supposedly said "The world to an end will come/ In eighteen hundred and eighty one". Although she was a (debatably) great rhymer, she was a lousy prophet. People who interpreted her writings said, "Forsooth! She is a great a wise woman and cannot be wrong! Therefore her prophcies are out by 110 years!" Apparently Mother Shipton didn't know the vague difference between an 8 and a 9. Consensus shows that the world didn't end in 1991, either.

Then there were the Jehovah's Witnesses who, like Pierre Turrel, made a few predicitions "Just to be on the safe side". The world would end in 1914, 1874, and 1975. God obliged 1914 with a World War.

And then the infamous Michel de Nostradame predicted that "The year 1999, seven months/ Fom the sky will come a great King of Terror/ To bring back to life the great King of the Mongols/ Before and after Mars to reign by good luck." (Quatrain X-72). (Some translations of Nostradamus's works replace "King of the Mongols" with "Angoulmois".)
The world did not end in July 1999, either.

And of course, how could we talk about prophets without mentioning Rasputin, who amongst other things, predicted his own death. His prediction about the end of the world "before the century ends" was far from correct, though. Apparently, God doesn't put much stock in what mad Russian monks say, either.

Based on what's gone past, I've got a very sneaky suspicion that the world, history, (and silly predictions on the end of the world) will march onward in 2012 as it has done for a good many years before. And that's MY prediction.
 
neat stuff ..

what about... ( Mar 1990: First Interplanetary Convention held,)....what ever happend to the "verdant" thing ..you know the LA times guy's book on meeting the verdants etc..?:confused:
 
Anybody ever read 'Old Moors Almanak'? That's always good for a laugh - especially if you hang on to it for a year then check out the month by month predictions retrospectively.
I've not seen a copy for a couple of years now, but it used to be breath takingly Thatcherite! Still, it is for charity.
But it's not just Clairvoyants and Astrologers who suffer from foot-in-mouth, 'experts' can raise a giggle too - there's a book called 'Scientific Blunders' that is punctuated with quotes from the great and good that they probably wish they had never uttered. I haven't got it to hand at the moment but I'll see if I can find a few choice examples.
 
On a more serious note, I was brought up as Jehovah’s Witness. They predicted the world would end in the latter half of 1975. As a child, I was told not to make any friends at school, because Jesus was comming to kill them all, and we would be treated to the site of their rotting corpses all over the place - seriously, this is the imagery I subjected to as part of my theological education! Now, if you challenge a JW today, they vigorously deny that any such prediction was ever made, but take it from me – I was there, and genuine harm was done by this prophesy (The whole thing was based on a very dodgy interpretation of the ‘Seventy weeks of years’ motif lifted from the Book of Daniel and several other out of context biblical quotes, based on a chronology that no one else in the world outside of the Watchtower Society acknowledged.) People, including my mother, were encouraged to sell their property and donate to the society. Young people were urged to abandon their studies (I was labelled as a rebellious, worldly youth because I declared my intention to take A levels and go to University)
Since disassociating myself from the JW’s, a little research has shown that they re-write their theology every couple of decades, and in a truly Orwellian fashion deny their own past. 1975/6 was only the latest in a whole string of end of the world predictions, including 1875, 1899, 1914, 1923, 1926 and so on. Some of the earlier dates were obtained using calculation based on supposed measurements of the Great Pyramid (built of course by the Hebrew slaves and so encoded with God’s message for our times) Try telling that to a modern JW and they will deny it, but it’s all there in their own literature
 
My wife was brought up as a Jehovah's Witness (again long since lapsed) and she said exactly the same thing: basically, they make these assertions which they then adapt as they go along. It's rather like the number of people they state will get into Heaven post doomsdsay: they furtively raise the numbers on a regular basis.

Of course, they'll decry anyone who points this out as being faithless/doomed/etc etc, but then all beliefs do this to a degree.

To deviate OT for just a minute, I've just posted a thread on (for my money) the best predictor of them all, The Brahan Seer.

Back to the crap ones, then...actually, half the problem with "end of the world" stuff is that it's never specific as to the end of which world: the human world, the natural world, or the world of an individual. When Karakatoa went up, to the island's inhabitants it would have seemed like Armageddon as described by Christian missionaries, all fire and brimstone and noise and suffering - that was the end of their world, after all. Similarly for people living in Hiroshima. The problem seems to me that the title "world" is just too damn elastic for us to pin down, so the end of it can no better be defined.

Stu
 
Dark Detective said:
Did a little homework on Criswell, a contemporary of Ed Wood, who was famous for his weird and wonderful prophecies (that were slightly incorrect). Some examples can be found here, my favourite being that in 1995 we will have achieved Utopia due to the elimination, amongst other things, of tight bodices, pyjamas and natural insemination :confused:

One of my prized possessions is the copy of the paperback CRISWELL PREDICTS I found in a used bookstore.
 
After reading the original post I was wondering whether in fact our misguided friend wasn't in fact predicting the plots of dubious b movies releasd in those years? I mean there must of been 10 nuclear holocaust films made in 1987 :)

Or perhaps these wayward prophet/esses are predicting the future in parallel universes...

On a less serious note - I saw a book (which I wish I'd bought) called 'Profits for prophets' which explained how to con people out of cash using dodgy predictions. Why didn't I buy it
:rolleyes:
 
How to be a Prophet

Here's some of my tips:
  • Don't be specific - "I see a dark cloud over Beijing this summer" can be interpreted as a) a proplonged period of smog; b) a prolonged period of rain; c) political upheaval in China
  • Keep up with all the details of international news, politics and current affairs- then you can predict events like regime changes, stock market drops and wars
  • Predict that an aircraft will crash in on a Tuesday in February - statistically, that is apparently the most likely day of the week and the most likely month for an aircraft crash to occur. Do not of course specify the location, the size of the aircraft, casualities etc.
  • When a huge and unexpected news event occurs, follow the infallible Jean Dixon method and persuade a couple of your softer-headed mates to confirm that you predicted the event in amazingly accurate detail at a party a couple of months before - of course, they didn't realise the importance of your prediction at the time, which is why they didn't record it or tell anybody.
  • If you are so foolish as to include identifiable specifics (names, dates) in a prediction that then utterly fails to materialise, insist that either "It really did happen, but only on the astral levels" or "People heeded my warning and took action to prevent it"
 
"The crescent and the cross clash in the land of two rivers; A monkey rides the back of an elephant whilst the ass hides behind a beard. Black gold clogs the arteries of the Eagle, a new sun rises in the east."

Waddya reckon - have I got what it takes (btw I do have a beard and a pointy nose, if that helps) :)
 
Avondrow said:
Anybody ever read 'Old Moors Almanak'? That's always good for a laugh - especially if you hang on to it for a year then check out the month by month predictions retrospectively.
I've not seen a copy for a couple of years now, but it used to be breath takingly Thatcherite! Still, it is for charity.

I buy it every year, read it and say, 'ooh, there's going to be great civil unrest in Moldova in April of next year . . .' and so on, then promptly forget all the predictions, until the next year's edition comes out, then I dig out the previous one and see if anything came true.

They always put impressive headers on all the pages, such as 'Predicted World War II 1939' and 'Predicted Edward VIII's Abdication 1936'

But it is an entertaining read. I like the adverts, but sorely miss the one for Joan The Wad and her 'husband' whose name I forget (was it Jack O' Lantern or some such - do you know, Mr Whitehead??)

Carole
 
NAaah....you're not being vague enough. You're talking about a war in the middle east in which india and pakistan will join and america's greed for oil. Nooo..... you have to vagueify things a little more.

(technically, it's not the cresent and the cross, but the cresent and the star...but anyhow)

Right...to vagueify....

In the land of birth, two endless foes clash
And amidst the fracas will an entity dash
With a liquid greed boiling within his own veins
And will will the cover the reason to fight with black rains
The cow will come riding from out of the east
Astride 'pon the back of the mighty great beast
Till the fiend with his face covered up by his shame
Will end the whole world in a furious flame....

Hmm....still not vague enough. I gotta work on my vaguifying skills.
 
Re: How to be a Prophet

Annasdottir said:
Here's some of my tips:
  • Don't be specific - "I see a dark cloud over Beijing this summer" can be interpreted as a) a proplonged period of smog; b) a prolonged period of rain; c) political upheaval in China
  • Keep up with all the details of international news, politics and current affairs- then you can predict events like regime changes, stock market drops and wars
  • Predict that an aircraft will crash in on a Tuesday in February - statistically, that is apparently the most likely day of the week and the most likely month for an aircraft crash to occur. Do not of course specify the location, the size of the aircraft, casualities etc.
  • When a huge and unexpected news event occurs, follow the infallible Jean Dixon method and persuade a couple of your softer-headed mates to confirm that you predicted the event in amazingly accurate detail at a party a couple of months before - of course, they didn't realise the importance of your prediction at the time, which is why they didn't record it or tell anybody.
  • If you are so foolish as to include identifiable specifics (names, dates) in a prediction that then utterly fails to materialise, insist that either "It really did happen, but only on the astral levels" or "People heeded my warning and took action to prevent it"

I like it!

Was there an earlier thread which invited FT members to make prophecies? If not, maybe we should try it . . .

Carole
 
Re: Re: How to be a Prophet

carole said:
I like it!

Was there an earlier thread which invited FT members to make prophecies? If not, maybe we should try it . . .

Carole
I predict that this will not be the last post in this thread ..
 
It must have been vague-ish as you didn't get it all right - what's wrong with the crescent and the cross as symbols of Islam / Christianity resppectively anyhoo? After all the equivalent of the 'red cross' isn't the 'the red cresent and star'.

"The retwined vine doesn't reach the Abbey; The Grapes of the vine who's root was half-severed seek higher ground; Three great shields become one, the infanta spits in eye of the eagle"

How about that for obscure :) Fiver to anyone who translates it correctly...
 
Old Moore's Almanac is a late and feeble survivor of the kind of Almanacs
which were often the only books kept in some houses. They often carried
notices and ads for important Fairs as well as astrological data to tell
farmers when to sow crops etc. Household tips, recipes and news also went
into the mix.

Old Moore's used to sold by street hawkers in Southport about thirty years ago
and I can remember my mother and grandmother eagerly buying copies. The
price was 6d and the cover a crude woodcut of the Zodiac. Like Avondrow, I
was struck by its Tory politics, though this would be before Thatcher. I don't
think it was sold for charity, then - I always assumed it was a commercial
affair. I have a feeling that it is a style of publication actually put out by a
number of different small publishers, each proclaiming itself to be Original
and Genuine.

I don't remember who Joan-the Wad's husband was, Carole, but I do recall
that Lucky Cornish Piskies featured heavily and I can see the illustration in
my mind's eye.

Incidentally, the more or less unwatchable Watchdog show has been exposing
a fake clairvoyant called Marie France. Her letters, sent to vulnerable bereaved
folks threaten their bad luck will continue until they cough up new donations.
The face of a bespectacled old Grannie is being used to front what appears
to be an International mail-order operation. :(
 
Amazing coincidence - Just after reading the above post, I poped over the road to a newsagent to find him taking delivery of the 2003 edition of Old Moores! A Snip at £1.75!:D
 
Avondrow - almost prophetic :D

Go on - is no one going to either add their own propheses or have a go at deciphering mine - genuine fiver if you get it right...
 
We played the prophet game on a site I used to frequent. The general technique, a la’ Ms Dixon, was to either produce a vast list of predictions, then crow about any hits whilst ignoring the numerous misses, or predict something that was almost certain to happen anyway (I successfully predicted the death of the Queen Mum (Gawd bless ‘er)) or keep the prediction so vague that you could apply it to a lot of scenarios. In this later style, I predicted that ‘an aircraft will crash near a large city and there will be much loss of life’ – this was a few days before Sept 11th. Were I as unscrupulous as some clairvoyants, I could have claimed this as a hit (I saw the ubiquitous Uri Geller on a chat show a while back, banging on about how he had predicted the whole thing, but for various poorly explained reasons couldn’t actually tell anyone about it in advance.)
 
James Whitehead said:
Incidentally, the more or less unwatchable Watchdog show has been exposing a fake clairvoyant called Marie France. Her letters, sent to vulnerable bereaved folks threaten their bad luck will continue until they cough up new donations.
The face of a bespectacled old Grannie is being used to front what appears to be an International mail-order operation. :(
Yes, I've had a few missives from Marie France and her friends over the years. I'm not bereaved, these letters get sent to everyone on the basis that most people think they're having bad luck most of the time and enough of these people will cough up to make the operation worthwhile.
 
I have a book from about 1980 called "The Book of Predictions", edited by the people who did the Book of Lists back in the 70s, and it's always amusing to see how much the predictors got wrong.

Some are quite sensible, but some, like Timothy Leary, are completely ridiculous. It's all guesswork, really, and tells you more about 1980 than about the future.
 
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