Blitz Limericks

escargot

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#1
It's high time, folks.

You finish the limerick, then provide the first two lines of the next one.


ahem

We can feel in our bones, it is time
To stand up for the Fortean rhyme!
 

feen5

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#2
We can feel in our bones, it is time
To stand up for the Fortean rhyme!
but the next line you put
should contain some smut
or a double Entendre that is sublime

As I walked home with a box of buns
I saw a friend and thought I'd give her one
 

escargot

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#3
As I walked home with a box of buns
I saw a friend and thought I'd give her one
After huffin' and puffin'
She had one in the oven
This home-baking is really great fun!

A demon has possessed my shed
Well, there's something in there that smells dead
 

jacolantern

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#4
A demon has possessed my shed
Well, there's something in there that smells dead
With the corpse candles burning,
and a demon stood gurning,
There's no wonder the mice have all fled!

---------------------------------------------------------

Walking through the woods today
The great god Pan stood in my way
 

The late Pete Younger

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#5
Walking through the woods today
The great god Pan stood in my way
you must pay the toll
or I'll bugger your soul
and you'll end up in hell without pay

whilst playing in the garden with balls
some folk might have thought we were fools
 

Anome

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#6
Ronson8 said:
whilst playing in the garden with balls
some folk might have thought we were fools
Sorry, what accent do you have where "balls" rhymes with "fools"?

Spread out on the lawn,
We played until dawn,
Till the order came round to down tools.


When writing the Limerick Verse,
One's language must sometimes be terse
 

feen5

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#7
When writing the Limerick Verse,
One's language must sometimes be terse
And also quite rude
unless your a prude
in which case its not nice to curse

When trying to rhyme words like ruck
It is often where a Limerick gets stuck
 

EnolaGaia

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#8
When trying to rhyme words like ruck
It is often where a Limerick gets stuck
The most tempting verb
Can only perturb
So if you must go there - good luck!



While picnicking out by Loch Ness
I risk my good name to confess ...
 

Timble2

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#9
When trying to rhyme words like ruck
It is often where a Limerick gets stuck
And when you speak of tits,
Do mean birds or bits?
And let your filthy mind run amuck?

-------------------------------------------------------------

Sorry EG: simulataneous posting!
 

Recycled1

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#11
While picnicking out by Loch Ness
I risk my good name to confess ..
With a slight twinge of guilt
I lifted my kilt
A bonny wee girl to impress!

................................................
You ask me what I am sketching?
Well, uniforms can be quite fetching!
 

GNC

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#12
You ask me what I am sketching?
Well, uniforms can be quite fetching!
More care I should take
I've made a mistake
My drawing's so bad that I'm retching

***

My face is now sporting a frown
I had trouble keeping that down
 

escargot

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#14
I look up to the sky
And aloud I wonder 'why oh why?'
Did those aliens come
And stick a probe up Feen's bum
And not even let Heck have a try?

I've got a new job at the zoo
There's a great deal of shovelling to do
 

jacolantern

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#15
I've got a new job at the zoo
There's a great deal of shovelling to do
It's a bit brown and smelly
and it clogs up my wellies
when you're up to your eyeballs in poo!

------------------------------------------------

Through the misty mountain dew
an elemental shimmied through
 

47Forteans

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#16
Through the misty mountain dew
An Elemental shimmied through
He really doth reek
Of month old leek
The stink really makes me spew!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

On the topic of vomit
In the shape of a comet



*hope this fits with your fancy new limmericks! :hello:
 

Anome

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#18
Well, this one would have to fit in as the 3rd and 4th lines of a Limerick, since they don't have enough beats for a 1st, 2nd, or 5th line.

Then again, looking back a bit, I see that no-one's really been paying much attention to scansion.

[EDIT] That might be a bit unfair, there's only a couple of bad ones.

An gastroenterologist named Dunne,
Took up astronomy for fun

47Forteans said:
On the topic of vomit
In the shape of a comet
He was an authority second to none!

This could be a new format for doing them...

Anyway...
If your poems are causing affront,
Don't try to pull a big stunt
 

escargot

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#19
If your poems are causing affront,
Don't try to pull a big stunt
Just act like a doormat
Stick close to the format
Or people will call you a fool.

Anome is on his high horse
He's snarling and baring his claws
 

GNC

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#22
Anome is on his high horse
He's snarling and baring his claws
His hackles are raised
And he is unfazed
As he prepares to pounce from all fours.

***

Now tell us if you're beast or man!
All-in wrestling - are you a big fan?
 

Recycled1

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#23
Now tell us if you're beast or man!
All-in wrestling - are you a big fan?
If size matters to you
Sumo wrestlers will do
Though their hair makes me think of my gran!

...........................................................................

Does your soul mate really exist?
Or will anyone do when your p*ssed?
 

escargot

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#24
Does your soul mate really exist?
Or will anyone do when you're p*ssed?
Stick a bag on their head
Sling'em onto the bed
Get it over with before you're both missed!

Oh, the sleazy delights of the flesh!
How we sweat and we writhe and we thresh!
 

47Forteans

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#25
Oh, the sleazy delights of the flesh!
How we sweat and we writhe and we thresh!
And all for a grand laugh!
In an antique French bath!
 

Recycled1

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#27
Oh, the sleazy delights of the flesh!
How we sweat and we writhe and we thresh!
And all for a grand laugh!
In an antique French bath!
Is it souls or just bodies that mesh?

........................................................

Do we live on after we're dead?
Or am I not right in the head?
 

escargot

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#28
Do we live on after we're dead?
Or am I not right in the head?
Must the world's great intellects
Be ephemeral, like texts
Gone for good once we know what they've said?

My hero has, indeed, feet of clay
I caught him myself yesterday
 

Recycled1

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#29
My hero has, indeed, feet of clay
I caught him myself yesterday
He was down on the floor
With that slut from next door
And she'd lost all her clothes on the way!!

..............................................................
I''ve decided on what I will do:-
I'll flush his false teeth down the loo!
 
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