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Heckler

The unspeakable mass
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That astrology reading was wrong
My rich partner has not come along
My luck on a dating site
Is best summed up as shite
They all looked and smelled like King Kong

+++++++++++++++++

Monkey love is not something I fancy
Though I am a shandy drinking nancy
 

escargot

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That astrology reading was wrong
My rich partner has not come along
My job is still dull
My dance card's not full
And my feet continue to pong.

So I went to Heck's car boot sale stall
And purchased this crystal ball
 

escargot

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dammit - pipped!

Monkey love is not something I fancy
Though I am a shandy drinking nancy
But as girls don't go for me
I'll just get up that tree
And see how they do it, orang-utansy!

Heck's new girlfriend is somewhat hirsute
Which to him makes her all the more cute
 

Timble2

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So I went to Heck's car boot sale stall
And purchased this crystal ball
It was one of a pair,
And covered in hair,
I don't think it's crystal at all.

And there's a backlog --

Heckler20 said:
Monkey love is not something I fancy
Though I am a shandy drinking nancy

and

escargot said:
Heck's new girlfriend is somewhat hirsute
Which to him makes her all the more cute
 

Heckler

The unspeakable mass
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Heck's new girlfriend is somewhat hirsute
Which to him makes her all the more cute
A great bush in her pits
and black fuzz on her bits
I plait her pubes which is frankly a hoot

+++++++++++++

A hairy lady can make you quite itchy
And her friends can sometimes be bitchy
 

Pete Younger

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A hairy lady can make you quite itchy
And her friends can sometimes be bitchy
A hair in the mouth
that came from down south
can make you feel rather twitchy

If a roll in the hay is your fancy
be discreet as could be quite chancy
 

GNC

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If a roll in the hay is your fancy
be discreet as could be quite chancy
If you think Katy Perry
Is the one you should marry
You'll end up with one like Hugh Dancy.

***

Though if to you both sexes apply,
There's double the chance of a sigh
 

Timble2

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Though if to you both sexes apply,
There's double the chance of a sigh
When they say, "That's quite small,
Is it in there at all?
As cocks go that's nearly bonsai."

__________________________________________________

There once was a wrinkled old prude.
Who found nearly everything lewd,
 

Recycled1

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There once was a wrinkled old prude.
Who found nearly everything lewd,
She wrote to the Mail
A long, tight-lipped tale
Of her neighbour, who sleeps in the nude.

..........................................................................
This neighbour's a cucumber grower
He took one next door just to show her
 

GNC

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This neighbour's a cucumber grower
He took one next door just to show her
'Twixt milkman's doorstep cartons
Shouted "Here come the Martians!"
"They want to befriend your lawnmower!"

***

It's a mystery, this alien anatomy
Or it was until one of them sat on me
 

escargot

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It's a mystery, this alien anatomy
Or it was until one of them sat on me
And wiggled about
Until something popped out
Urk! I didn't expect to get THAT on me!

My Mancunian pronunciation
Causes southerners some consternation
 

Recycled1

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My Mancunian pronunciation
Causes southerners some consternation
It's even worse
When you're writing verse
Choosing rhymes takes dedication.

...........................................................
The alien probe in my ear
Distorts the sounds that I hear
 

feen5

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The alien probe in my ear
Distorts the sounds that I hear
So i really don't know
if thats a suck or a blow
As the anal probe enters my rear


An alien from the planet Venus
had to bend and then stretch his Genus
 

GNC

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An alien from the planet Venus
had to bend and then stretch his Genus
If we could crouch down
We'd take a look at this clown
Quietly! Too late - he's just seen us!

***

To observe your alien just right
It's often too dark when at night
 

escargot

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To observe your alien just right
It's often too dark when at night
You can get illumination
From a smelly conflagration
When Heck sets his farts alight!

Aliens won't hang around after that
'Gor blimey!' they'll say, 'WTF's that?'
 

Recycled1

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Aliens won't hang around after that
'Gor blimey!' they'll say, 'WTF's that?'
'Quick! Get the transporter
I reckon we ought 'er
Head home before something goes splat!'

......................................................

Oh look! There's two men at the door!
Dark glasses and suits? Tell me more!
 

feen5

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Oh look! There's two men at the door!
Dark glasses and suits? Tell me more!
they have come to return
my ringpiece in an urn
Now i know where i've seen them before


There was a young lady from Crewe
Who stuck her head to the table with glue
 

Timble2

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There was a young lady from Crewe
Who stuck her head to the table with glue,
"I'm not bothered", said she,
"'Cos my bumhole's still free,
Which I'm charging you ten bob to view.

:wow:
________________________________________________________________

For fun, fast and free fornication,
Just wait for a while at Crewe station,
 

escargot

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For fun, fast and free fornication,
Just wait for a while at Crewe station,
Where the bellydancing snail
Will wink through her veil
And summon Timble, for your personal molestation.

Don't knock it - times're hard just now
We all have to make a living somehow
 

Recycled1

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For fun, fast and free fornication,
Just wait for a while at Crewe station,
You've missed your connection?
Don't waste that erection!
"Ladies" queue in anticipation!

...........................................................
Crewe seems to have got a bad name
From mice in stews,* to girls on the game!



*"An epicure dining at Crewe" etc
 

escargot

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Yours're good though! :rofl:
 

feen5

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Don't knock it - times're hard just now
We all have to make a living somehow
From exotic dancing
to mincing or prancing
Do anything the imagination will allow

Crewe seems to have got a bad name
From mice in stews,* to girls on the game!
but to combine the two
you will have to queue
At a place where its a claim to fame

At home in her bright new Pinny,
Scrag's cooks mice bought in from New Guinea
 

Recycled1

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At home in her bright new Pinny,
Scrag's cooks mice bought in from New Guinea
In a rich garlic sauce
With cream, of course
Will that keep her figure skinny?

..........................................................................
I do find the dish somewhat gluey
And those mouse tails are terribly chewy
 

Heckler

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I do find the dish somewhat gluey
And those mouse tails are terribly chewy
But I'm told it's quite healthy
and is enjoyed by the wealthy
Though that super food thing is plain hooey

+++++++++++++++++++

Acai berries are good for your brains
and will ease most aches and pains
 

GNC

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Acai berries are good for your brains
and will ease most aches and pains
I think you will find
If you expand your mind
It'll keep your feet dry if it rains.

***

Excuse me, but my psychic power
Gains more and more force by the hour
 

Heckler

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Excuse me, but my psychic power
Gains more and more force by the hour
What I've seen in your mind
Would turn most folks blind
And leave a taste in your mouth that's quite sour

++++++++++++++++++++

Oral pleasure on the whole is over rated
I would much rather be masturbated
 

Recycled1

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Oral pleasure on the whole is over rated
I would much rather be masturbated.
That's too much information
To give to the nation!
By chance, was your youth dissipated?

.....................................................................
These verses sink low in the mire!
Where's the Culture to raise the tone higher?
 

escargot

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These verses sink low in the mire!
Where's the Culture to raise the tone higher?
Let us speak words of beauty
And sound right bloody snooty -




Oh sod it, let's set Feen's bum on fire.


I'm stockpiling Cornish pasties and fuel
Cameron 's made me his April fool
 

GNC

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I'm stockpiling Cornish pasties and fuel
Cameron 's made me his April fool
He's no match anyway
For our hero George Galloway
Cat impressions his speciality mewl.

***

It's bad manners to discuss if you're able
Your politics at the dinner table
 
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