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Blitz Limericks

GNC

King-Sized Canary
Joined
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So I won't try that trick again
I'll act the most sober of men
Pour all that whisky
Down the drain, it's too risky
I'll have a pint of absinthe now and then.

***

All alone in the bathroom tonight
The light turned off sudden - what a fright!
 

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
3,232
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541
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All alone in the bathroom tonight
The light turned off sudden - what a fright!
My eyes grew wider
As I thought of the spider
That might land on me, out of spite!

........................................................
Did something just tickle my nose?
It could be a hair, I suppose....
 

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
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Did something just tickle my nose?
It could be a hair, I suppose
Or a ghostly hand
From the Spirit Land......
I'm out of here -throw me my clothes!

(Finished it myself to prevent the thread from sinking into oblivion!)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------


I've bought a big bag of sweets
For kids who come, wanting treats.
 

Dinobot

Justified & Ancient
Joined
May 19, 2015
Messages
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Location
Under the floorboards...
I've bought a big bag of sweets
For kids who come, wanting treats.
Ten years out of date
If they don't taste great
My home pelted with rancid beets!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Add some chlorine to the gene pool
If, by chance, you look like a ghoul
 

GNC

King-Sized Canary
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Add some chlorine to the gene pool
If, by chance, you look like a ghoul
Your experimentation
Could improve every nation
Creating some sort of human mule.

***

Is it true about London Underground?
There's a space capsule that has been found?
 

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
Joined
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Messages
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Is it true about London Underground?
There's a space capsule that has been found?
Giant insects again?
Quatermass's domain!
Do you hear that strange humming sound?

......................................................
The stuff that you watch in your youth
Can give you bad dreams, that's the truth!
 

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
Joined
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Is it true about London Underground?
There's a space capsule that has been found?
Giant insects again?
Quatermass's domain!
Do you hear that strange humming sound?

......................................................
The stuff that you watch in your youth
Can give you bad dreams, that's the truth!



Come on GNC -or anyone!! -don't let it die!
 

GNC

King-Sized Canary
Joined
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Your wish is my command...

The stuff that you watch in your youth
Can give you bad dreams, that's the truth!
But as you get older
You find yourself bolder
Now that you're long in the tooth.

***

It's a suit of armour that I need
And a mighty white charger of a steed
 

Peripart

Antediluvian
Joined
Aug 1, 2005
Messages
5,455
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It's a suit of armour that I need
And a mighty white charger of a steed
And if you must know
Why I'm dressing up so -
I'm doing it for Children in Need!

If charity fundraising's your thing
You should take some advice from old Sting
 

Dinobot

Justified & Ancient
Joined
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Messages
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Location
Under the floorboards...
If charity fundraising's your thing
You should take some advice from old Sting
Just sing your heart out
To save the Star Trout
Donate (to me) all your old bling!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Life looks like Hammer Horror flicks
As Christopher Lee gets his kicks
 

GNC

King-Sized Canary
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Life looks like Hammer Horror flicks
As Christopher Lee gets his kicks
We're taken aback
When we see old Drac
Get up to his neck-biting tricks.

***

With Frankensteinian lightning strikes
I have the power to go on long hikes
 

Tigerhawk

Resistance is futile!
Joined
Jan 20, 2016
Messages
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Location
Skaro
With Frankensteinian lightning strikes
I have the power to go on long hikes
And to raise the dead
Without a twinge of dread
Before peasants strike me with pikes!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

As I make a hodgepodge creature
In this sci-fi double feature
 

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
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As I make a hodgepodge creature
In this sci-fi double feature
I'll have you know
The budget was low
And I'm only a simple Art Teacher.

......................................................
That monster looks really fantastic.
All done with 'sticky backed plastic'!
 

GNC

King-Sized Canary
Joined
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That monster looks really fantastic.
All done with 'sticky backed plastic'!
In fact, on reflection
It could win an election
On second thoughts, let's not think drastic.

***

How about we turn back the clock
To assess the Golden Age of Rock?
 

Dinobot

Justified & Ancient
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Location
Under the floorboards...
How about we turn back the clock
To assess the Golden Age of Rock?
No more Brittany Spear
Assaulting our ears
To The Rolling Stones we shall flock!

++++++++++++++++++++

Hey, look at that flock of seagulls!
Attacking Bigfoot as he mulls
 

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
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Hey, look at that flock of seagulls!
Attacking Bigfoot as he mulls
Over his fate.
Watch him lengthen his gait
And head for the neighbouring hills.

......................................................

I've photographed something quite rare
A fairy with long golden hair
 
Last edited:

Tigerhawk

Resistance is futile!
Joined
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Skaro
I've photographed something quite rare
A fairy with long golden hair
And she was the Queen
Of their Underground Scene
As she danced around with a hare!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I was in for a great big shock
When the rabbit asked "What's up, Doc?"
 

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
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I was in for a great big shock
When the rabbit asked "What's up, Doc?"
A real, talking bunny?
I'll make tons of money!
The most famous pet on the block!

.......................................................
Don't say it was all just a dream
Things aren't always quite what they seem
 

IamSundog

Not insane
Joined
Oct 11, 2002
Messages
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Don't say it was all just a dream
Things aren't always quite what they seem
But I'm not just some boob
Posting vids on YouTube
Trying to start some new internet meme


Hurrah! President Donald Trump
Will lead the world out of this slump
 

Tigerhawk

Resistance is futile!
Joined
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Hurrah! President Donald Trump
Will lead the world out of this slump
By ending it all
Because of his gall
His hair looks like a golden dump!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

If you're chasing the ice-cream van
Make sure you can pay for your plan!
 

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
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If you're chasing the ice-cream van
Make sure you can pay for your plan!
You won't get a loan
For an ice cream cone -
Find the money as fast as you can!

.................................................................

I'm stashing my pennies away
For the dream home I'll buy one day.
 

Tigerhawk

Resistance is futile!
Joined
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Location
Skaro
I'm stashing my pennies away
For the dream home I'll buy one day.
Made of gingerbread
Rest my weary head
With Hansel and Gretel to stay!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A house that is made out of sweets?
In which to watch TV repeats
 

GNC

King-Sized Canary
Joined
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A house that is made out of sweets?
In which to watch TV repeats
That's not the TV
I'm afraid it was me
My sprouts house does not make good eats.

***

How sad that the Copacabana
Was infested with a shoal of piranha
 

Dinobot

Justified & Ancient
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Location
Under the floorboards...
How sad that the Copacabana
Was infested with a shoal of piranha
They ate up Lola
Even her stole-a!
Said she tasted of banana!

___________________________________________________

You're planning to shake your booty
To the tune of Tutti-Fruti?
 

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
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You're planning to shake your booty
To the tune of Tutti-Fruti?
Hmmm..look in the glass
You've a rather big ass!
Lose some weight, you know it's your duty!

...........................................................
Your backside is almost bare -
Call those shorts? They're hardly there!
 

GNC

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Your backside is almost bare -
Call those shorts? They're hardly there!
Well, here is the thing
They're a type of G-string
Hotpants mostly made up of air.

***

Who's your favourite Beatle? Mine's Starr
I think that boy will go far
 

IamSundog

Not insane
Joined
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Who's your favourite Beatle? Mine's Starr
I think that boy will go far
Tut! There's no comparison
Between him and Harrison
Oh wait! He's deceased! Weep, guitar!


There's nothing quite like a cigar
To savor in a dark smokey bar
 

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
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There's nothing quite like a cigar
To savor in a dark smokey bar.
But it's getting quite late -
This means trouble, old mate!
Your wife's waiting for you in the car.

...........................................................
One icy December morning
The boiler packed in, without warning
 

GNC

King-Sized Canary
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One icy December morning
The boiler packed in, without warning
My old one couldn't hack it
The new one costs a packet
My belongings I'll have to start pawning.

***

Ah, the wonder of electrical power
I run a current through me every hour
 

Dinobot

Justified & Ancient
Joined
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Location
Under the floorboards...
Ah, the wonder of electrical power
I run a current through me every hour
But I make damned sure
I'm earthed to the floor
But not while I'm in the shower!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

In the mood for a good old shock?
Hear me sing "Rock around the clock"!
 
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