Blitz Limericks

Tigerhawk

Resistance is futile!
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However, in 2017
You'll see me fit, healthy and lean :)
Dead celebs all round
Each week will be found
You thought 2016 was mean!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I really hope no-one else dies!
And people start eating stir fries!
 

GNC

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I really hope no-one else dies!
And people start eating stir fries!
Don't mean to be rude
Even too much health food
Makes my belly increase in size.

***

Instead, ye I tell the congregation
To take all things in moderation
 

Recycled1

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Instead, ye I tell the congregation
To take all things in moderation.
That's boring advice!
Some things are too nice
To limit with reservation!.

...........................................................

Let's raise a glass or two
To our friends here, old and new
 

GNC

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Let's raise a glass or two
To our friends here, old and new
The silly and sensible
Not one reprehensible
And all appreciate a good poo.

***

The Christmas tree's down come tomorrow
So if you've a fairy to borrow
 

Recycled1

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The Christmas tree's down come tomorrow
So if you've a fairy to borrow
The rules are emphatic
Put it all in the attic
With no backward glances or sorrow.

......................................................................
We've got to look forward to spring
And see what this New Year will bring
 

GNC

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We've got to look forward to spring
And see what this New Year will bring
More of the same
In this politics game
Would be totally excruciat-ing.

***

I saw this weird thing in the sea
Could have sworn it was winking at me
 

Tigerhawk

Resistance is futile!
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I saw this weird thing in the sea
Could have sworn it was winking at me
A drunken mermaid
As she waved a spade
It really filled me with great glee!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Oh dear, what was that I just drank
Out of that rusty water tank?!
 

Recycled1

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Oh dear, what was that I just drank
Out of that rusty water tank?!
It was very alive
And had legs -four or five
The taste it left after, was rank!

..................................................
I've wallpapered my chimney breast (true)
Big purple flowers -the best! (not true)
 

Dinobot

Justified & Ancient
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Location
Under the floorboards...
I've wallpapered my chimney breast
Big purple flowers -the best!
On an acid trip?
To look oh, so hip!
Fashion designed by Adam West!

+++++++++++++++++++++++


Summer Loving, happened so fast
Summer Loving, had me a blast!
 

IamSundog

Not insane
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Summer Loving, happened so fast
Summer Loving, had me a blast!
But then cold weather hit
And it all went to shit
We just weren't very likely to last



What the hell's going on in that shower?
You've been in there for more than an hour!
 

Dinobot

Justified & Ancient
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Location
Under the floorboards...
What the hell's going on in that shower?
You've been in there for more than an hour!
Scrubbing down below
As it's turned yellow
And it now has a strange power
At my enemies it will glower!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Now that was really unpleasant
And has put me off my pheasant!
 

GNC

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Now that was really unpleasant
And has put me off my pheasant!
That I'm glad to hear
They're mite-filled, I fear
What are you, some kind of peasant?

***

What would happen if our food could talk
Or move about, perhaps even walk?
 

IamSundog

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What would happen if our food could talk
Or move about, perhaps even walk?
"Hello, nice to meet you!
Now how 'bout I eat you?"
That'd be just a teeny bit awk



Our old sun is dying, so hurry!
We're leaving for Alpha Centuri
 

Recycled1

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Our old sun is dying, so hurry!
We're leaving for Alpha Centuri.
Let me first grab my pet
Or I won't join you yet.
If I left him behind, I'd just worry.

..................................................
You must get your priorities right
Write your will, before you take flight.
 

GNC

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You must get your priorities right
Write your will, before you take flight.
Knowing our luck
We'll all get stuck
In the departure lounge having a fight.

***

Whether weather be raining or sunny
Keep to hand an Egyptian mummy
 

Tigerhawk

Resistance is futile!
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Whether weather be raining or sunny
Keep to hand an Egyptian mummy
Some mouldy old tat
Which glittered and that
But with age now has gone runny

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Doctor Livingstone, I presume?
It is you I've come to inhume!
 

Recycled1

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Doctor Livingstone, I presume?
It is you I've come to inhume!
That's not very manly
Of you to say, Stanley!
I'd thank you to now leave the room!

...............................................................

We explorers must stick together
Fighting strange beasts of fur and feather
 

Recycled1

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(Ok -I'll finish it myself!)

We explorers must stick together
Fighting strange beasts of fur and feather.
If a thylacine
Is there to be seen
Take a photo, whatever the weather.
****************************************
That Stick Man's been seen here again
Scaring the bravest of men
 

GNC

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That Stick Man's been seen here again
Scaring the bravest of men
Somehow I feel
That a five course meal
Will make him less scary, d'ye ken?

***

I don't wish to cause a big ruck
But inside that elephant is stuck
 

Tigerhawk

Resistance is futile!
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I don't wish to cause a big ruck
But inside that elephant is stuck
In the pantry door
Hear it squeal and roar
As I get it out for half a buck!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Beware of those darn ugly trolls!
And I don't mean those stupid dolls!
 

GNC

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Beware of those darn ugly trolls!
And I don't mean those stupid dolls!
They're not under a bridge
They're inside your fridge
Eating fillings out of rolls.

***

With this robot that's programmed to please
My life has become one of ease
 

IamSundog

Not insane
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With this robot that's programmed to please
My life has become one of ease
It cooks and it cleans
It launders my jeans
And wipes off my nose when I sneeze



The Zyxasjktu from Beta Leonis
Thinks you'd be delicious braised and boneless
 

GNC

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The Zyxasjktu from Beta Leonis
Thinks you'd be delicious braised and boneless
Well, that attitude
Is really quite rude
No wonder he's alone and homeless.

***

I don't wish to give you a fright
But could you house this alien parasite?
 

Tigerhawk

Resistance is futile!
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I don't wish to give you a fright
But could you house this alien parasite?
Fair up your clacker
Why does not matter
You just leave it there all night.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

That has a nasty sting in the tail!
I'll tell you in every detail
 

Tigerhawk

Resistance is futile!
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That has a nasty sting in the tail!
I'll tell you in every detail
Of my night of doom
When my arse went zoom!
When I sit down I go quite pale!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Singing "Do You Hear What I Hear?"
Will make ladies tear off their gear?!
 

Recycled1

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Singing "Do You Hear What I Hear?"
Will make ladies tear off their gear?!
I rather think not.
To hit the right spot
You need something more sexy,I fear.

........................................................................

I need sympathy -I've got a cold.
It may see me off, now I'm old!
 

IamSundog

Not insane
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I need sympathy -I've got a cold.
It may see me off, now I'm old!
Chin up! You'll recoup!
Look! I've fixed you some soup!
It works wonders, so I've been told.


So sorry to hear you are ill
Just keep to your bed now and "chill"
 

GNC

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So sorry to hear you are ill
Just keep to your bed now and "chill"
A big plastic bubble
Should save you some trouble
Lie inside for a week till you trill.

***

As my bird impressions improve
My arms by themselves start to move
 

Dinobot

Justified & Ancient
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Location
Under the floorboards...
As my bird impressions improve
My arms by themselves start to move
The Funky Chicken
It takes a lickin
As I really get down to groove

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

My dance moves really are a hit
No, I am not having a fit!
 
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