Blitz Limericks

GNC

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Last night I was wresting with Jane
she was winning the fight, yet again.
She's all fangs and hair
Being a grizzly bear
Oh please trim your claws, they're a pain.

***

Now hold my equipment just so
As I a-ghost hunting do go
 

Recycled1

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Now hold my equipment just so
As I a-ghost hunting do go
It's an amazing device-
Picks up orbs, in a trice!
(It's my camera , wouldn't you know?)

......................................................................
I keep hearing strange knocking sounds
Are the spectres doing their rounds?
 

GNC

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I keep hearing strange knocking sounds
Are the spectres doing their rounds?
Some say it's the pipes
But I'll earn my stripes
Tear the place apart to find their pounds.

***

I bought a new razor today
But I think I got carried away
 

INT21

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I bought a new razor today
But I think I got carried away
I thought I was God
or at least Sweeny Todd
Now their coming to take me away.

let's creep down the back streets of Soho
I know it's not safe, but I know. so
 

Recycled1

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Let's creep down the back streets of Soho
I know it's not safe, but I know. so
with me feeling frisky
and knowing it's risky
I'll indulge my worst cravings... What ho!

.............................................................................................

It's time to take stock and consider
Selling granny to the highest bidder
 

INT21

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It's time to take stock and consider
Selling granny to the highest bidder
But then I just might
miss her 'cuddles' at night
Plus I just can't recall where I hid 'er.

At times when I'm felling quite low
down to Asda I'm inclined to go
 

GNC

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At times when I'm felling quite low
down to Asda I'm inclined to go
Because it's best
To feel more depressed
Or maybe meet someone you know.

***

Of all my dreams that came true
I didn't expect the one that was woo
 

Recycled1

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***

Of all my dreams that came true
I didn't expect the one that was woo
Go on, tell us more!
What happened ? I'm sure
We'll believe someone sceptic as you.
........................................................................

The older I get, I confess
It's not more I am sure of, but less!
 

INT21

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The older I get, I confess
It's not more I am sure of, but less!
but don't worry, you'll find
I'm the amiable kind
and forgetting will just mean less stress.

They say you're as old as you feel
but I just had a very big meal
 

GNC

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They say you're as old as you feel
but I just had a very big meal
It should not matter
But now I'm much fatter
And my arteries inside do congeal.

***

Back at my dream, it would seem
It was more of a nightmare, a scream
 

IamSundog

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Back at my dream, it would seem
It was more of a nightmare, a scream
In which that trouser snake
Pic I took by mistake
Has become an internet meme


A rattlesnake once crossed my path
Did I hesitate? You do the math!
 

Recycled1

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A rattlesnake once crossed my path
Did I hesitate? You do the math!
Was it awfully scary?
Did you say a "Hail Mary"?
Did the fright leave you needing a bath?

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

What creature will cause you to hide?
It's big slugs that I can't abide.
 

INT21

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What creature will cause you to hide?
It's big slugs that I can't abide
and long worms that wriggle
produce hysterical giggle
I'm just glad they're long and not wide.

I turned over a stone and did see
two strange eyes a-looking at me
 

Recycled1

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I turned over a stone and did see
two strange eyes a-looking at me
Was it 'toad in the hole'?
Or a shocked little mole?
No, a centipede, big as can be.

..........................................................................
All sorts of things creep out at night
When it's bed time and out goes the light.
 

INT21

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All sorts of things creep out at night
When it's bed time and out goes the light.
The dark, it is said
re-awakens the dead
And a shadow can give you a fright.

I am digging a hole in the ground
And it's square, though I may make it round.
 

IamSundog

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I am digging a hole in the ground
And it's square, though I may make it round
So to make my new home
Deep down under the loam
In hopes never more I’ll be found



Perhaps we should all get naked
In hopes we’ll get better acquainted
 

Recycled1

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Perhaps we should all get naked
In hopes we’ll get better acquainted.
No! The last time I posed
Without any clothes
The poor camera man nearly fainted!

..................................................................................
Let us proceed with decorum
Good manners? Myself, I'm all for'em.
 

feen5

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Let us proceed with decorum
Good manners? Myself, I'm all for'em.
but it could be a Hoot
to paint my birthday suit
and place photos up on this forum

If you feel like dancing in the nip
go ahead, and just let it rip
 

GNC

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If you feel like dancing in the nip
go ahead, and just let it rip
Then deny when you're asked
About all the tasks
That let *that* to land *there* when you "tripped".

***

These colours! They make me go "WOW!"
I need more of this experience now!
 

INT21

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These colours! They make me go "WOW!"
I need more of this experience now!
flashing lights of the kind
that are blowing my mind
it's the mushrooms I'm thinking, but how ?

But I know I'll regret it
as I sink way down into the pit
 

Recycled1

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But I know I'll regret it
as I sink way down into the pit.
My personal demon
Will soon have me screamin'
"Please rescue me from this shit!"
............................................................

"There there dear, 'twas all a bad dream
Things are never as bad as they seem".
 

GNC

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"There there dear, 'twas all a bad dream
Things are never as bad as they seem".
If you have the blues
Just turn off the news
And stuff that will make you scream.

***

On my shortwave radio last night
I picked up a message with bite
 

INT21

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On my shortwave radio last night
I picked up a message with bite
A report from the Nile
that a large crocodile
was giving the locals a fright.

Some guys are great, some are sleazy
but sorting them out is so easy
 

IamSundog

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Some guys are great, some are sleazy
but sorting them out is so easy
Still Recycled hits bars
Falls for guys with fast cars
Who hand her those pickup lines cheesy


Just kidding! I hold in high esteem
The queen of out limerick thread team
 

GNC

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Just kidding! I hold in high esteem
The queen of out limerick thread team
When it comes to a rhyme
She always has time
To make sure her style is the cream.

***

You don't meet that many Hermiones
You imagine they're fresh as some peonies
 

Recycled1

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You don't meet that many Hermiones
You imagine they're fresh as some peonies.
Tho' Sundog's a bit rough
He comes up with good stuff
And we need contributions like GNC's.

............................................................................
Said it once, and I'll say it again
Writing limericks, is good for the brain.
 

IamSundog

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Said it once, and I'll say it again
Writing limericks, is good for the brain
And god knows I need
My grey matter to feed
I’m on the grey hair express train


If mistakes are a learning experience
By now I should have unmatched brilliance
 

INT21

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If mistakes are a learning experience
By now I should have unmatched brilliance
A faux pas a day
keeps psychologists in pay
please help, doc, I can't parse an 'illiance

Should I find that I'm stuck in a rut.
I go out to find some throats to cut
 

GNC

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Should I find that I'm stuck in a rut.
I go out to find some throats to cut
Sweeney Todd? Not impressed
You try for some rest
And keep away from the blades, you big nut.

***

Will the apocalypse happen this year?
Or do we have nothing to fear?
 

INT21

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Will the apocalypse happen this year?
Or do we have nothing to fear?
Should I say, with a sneer
'Y2K do I hear ?'
think I'll go out and stock up on beer.

But should it all come to an end.
It was so nice to know you, my friend.
 
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