Blitz Limericks

INT21

Justified & Ancient
Joined
Jul 18, 2016
Messages
4,307
Likes
2,841
Points
154
Some habits are hard to bear.
Don't drop your laundry right there!
stop picking your nose
scraping gunge from your toes
their both fun, so why should I care ?

old uncle Fred just got caught
cutting the top of a wart
 

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
3,188
Likes
457
Points
99
Old uncle Fred just got caught
cutting the top off a wart
"Stop!" said Aunt Lil
You'll get germs and be ill!
You're really more daft than I thought!"

.........................................................................
I've been reading this medical book
I've got all these diseases -just look!
 

INT21

Justified & Ancient
Joined
Jul 18, 2016
Messages
4,307
Likes
2,841
Points
154
I've been reading this medical book
I've got all these diseases -just look!
Some I just can't pronounce
though upon me they pounce
it seems that I've run out of luck.

But I may just go very hip
and exchange my brain for a chip
 

GNC

King-Sized Canary
Joined
Aug 25, 2001
Messages
25,984
Likes
9,958
Points
284
But I may just go very hip
and exchange my brain for a chip
Don't know if you've seen this
But makes you a genius
With a billion good ideas in a blip.

***

I have some bad news I'm afraid
I overestimated the power of an upgrade
 

INT21

Justified & Ancient
Joined
Jul 18, 2016
Messages
4,307
Likes
2,841
Points
154
I have some bad news I'm afraid
I overestimated the power of an upgrade
does that look to you
just like DOS 6.2
oh to think of the money I paid.

My Gran looks just like some old biddi
but she's really a demon script kiddie/
 

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
3,188
Likes
457
Points
99
My Gran looks just like some old biddi
but she's really a demon script kiddie.
Doesn't shop, cook or clean
Just stays glued to the screen
Her technique has me feeling quite giddy.

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

My neighbour is really a pain
I'm cross, he's been at it again!
 

feen5

Justified & Ancient
Joined
Feb 9, 2004
Messages
1,112
Likes
19
Points
69
My neighbour is really a pain
I'm cross, he's been at it again!
Its really quite rude
to walk round in the nude
And in snow, he must be insane

To see it without its wrapping
as a gust of wind sends it flapping
 

IamSundog

Not insane
Joined
Oct 11, 2002
Messages
3,127
Likes
614
Points
144
To see it without its wrapping
as a gust of wind sends it flapping
Is less than a thrill
It’s shrunk in the chill
And wrinkled as a lunar mapping.


How beautious is the human form!
Well for point one percent, not the norm
 

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
3,188
Likes
457
Points
99
How beautious is the human form!
Well for point one percent, not the norm
Fear not! You'll not see
A naked me.
You might reach for the chloroform!

###############################
I'm planning a getaway
You're welcome to come, if you pay.
 

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
3,188
Likes
457
Points
99
I'm planning a getaway
You're welcome to come, if you pay.
We'll head for the Ritz,
And get merry on Spritz
Live celebrity-style for a day.

.........................................................................................

My parrot's learny a new word
It's the rudest you've ever heard
 

GNC

King-Sized Canary
Joined
Aug 25, 2001
Messages
25,984
Likes
9,958
Points
284
My parrot's learny a new word
It's the rudest you've ever heard
And with his rude gesture
You won't think he's blessed you
You'll be aware he's flipping the bird.

***

Don't you think that it's getting strange
That animals evolve with climate change?
 

IamSundog

Not insane
Joined
Oct 11, 2002
Messages
3,127
Likes
614
Points
144
Don't you think that it's getting strange
That animals evolve with climate change?
They now venture forth
Migrating far north
And the Inuit sing “Home on the Range”


Out in my red hat that says “MAGA”
I got hit upon by Lady Gaga
 

GNC

King-Sized Canary
Joined
Aug 25, 2001
Messages
25,984
Likes
9,958
Points
284
Out in my red hat that says “MAGA”
I got hit upon by Lady Gaga
She said she had found
By changing her sound
She could do so much better with ragga.

***

As the pigeon took off into flight
It was a truly remarkable sight
 

INT21

Justified & Ancient
Joined
Jul 18, 2016
Messages
4,307
Likes
2,841
Points
154
As the pigeon took off into flight
It was a truly remarkable sight
A Chinese said 'wow'
I'll buy it anyhow
American Express, that's alright ?

If I woke up tomorrow in Hell
I'd just shrug, and then declare 'well,
 

IamSundog

Not insane
Joined
Oct 11, 2002
Messages
3,127
Likes
614
Points
144
If I woke up tomorrow in Hell
I'd just shrug, and then declare 'well,
Since it sure as heck’s as
Hot as ol’ west Texas
I’ll feel right at home, I can tell’


It’s lucky for me I’m so handsome
Folks say I look like Charles Manson
 

INT21

Justified & Ancient
Joined
Jul 18, 2016
Messages
4,307
Likes
2,841
Points
154
It’s lucky for me I’m so handsome
Folks say I look like Charles Manson
It's well known that he
should be hung from a tree
myself, I'm just like Richard Branson.

That means that I'm rich as can be
I own Virgin , as you all can see.
 

GNC

King-Sized Canary
Joined
Aug 25, 2001
Messages
25,984
Likes
9,958
Points
284
That means that I'm rich as can be
I own Virgin , as you all can see.
Frankly I'm sceptical
You've just made a spectacle
Of yourself, you get no money from me.

***

The worst person to send into space
To meet our nearest alien race
 

IamSundog

Not insane
Joined
Oct 11, 2002
Messages
3,127
Likes
614
Points
144
The worst person to send into space
To meet our nearest alien race
Surely would be Keith Richards
Have you seen recent pictures?
He’d terrify them with that face



OK I weigh six hundred pounds
And I can’t raise myself off the ground
 

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
3,188
Likes
457
Points
99
[



OK I weigh six hundred pounds
And I can’t raise myself off the ground
I blame my glands
Not the cake in my hands
Don't show that photo around!

................................................................................
Is that your 'bucket' wish list?
There's one thing you shouldn't have missed.
 

GNC

King-Sized Canary
Joined
Aug 25, 2001
Messages
25,984
Likes
9,958
Points
284
Is that your 'bucket' wish list?
There's one thing you shouldn't have missed.
A charitable deed
The world you could feed
But you would just rather get pissed.

***

I've just cast my miracle spell
And now I know all will be well
 

INT21

Justified & Ancient
Joined
Jul 18, 2016
Messages
4,307
Likes
2,841
Points
154
I've just cast my miracle spell
And now I know all will be well
So, maybe not all
but a pretty close call
if it don't work I'm going to Hell.

That's where I will find my stock broker
demoted in rank to a stoker
 

feen5

Justified & Ancient
Joined
Feb 9, 2004
Messages
1,112
Likes
19
Points
69
That's where I will find my stock broker
demoted in rank to a stoker
but why i am here
is not yet quite clear
maybe as a catholic i was mediocre

The range and depth of my sins
is as nothing compared to my twins
 

INT21

Justified & Ancient
Joined
Jul 18, 2016
Messages
4,307
Likes
2,841
Points
154
The range and depth of my sins
is as nothing compared to my twins
Their sins come in twos
In identical hues
And elicit identical grins.

But my own sins are really unique,
I'm planning the next as we speak.
 

IamSundog

Not insane
Joined
Oct 11, 2002
Messages
3,127
Likes
614
Points
144
But my own sins are really unique,
I'm planning the next as we speak.
They’ll be acts so depraved
And so ill-behaved
My immortal soul’s up the creek



But I say to hell with atonement
Just party and live for the moment
 

INT21

Justified & Ancient
Joined
Jul 18, 2016
Messages
4,307
Likes
2,841
Points
154
But I say to hell with atonement
Just party and live for the moment
As for Hell ? I declare
all my friends will be there
so I'm feeling no need for postponement.

But pity the souls up in Heaven
they say even the bread there is leaven.
 

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
3,188
Likes
457
Points
99
But pity the souls up in Heaven
they say even the bread there is leaven.
Well, I'll have you know
It's where I plan to go
I'm forgiving folks 'seventy times seven'.

...................................................................................
If I find myself suffering tedium
I'll come back and upset some poor medium :D
 

IamSundog

Not insane
Joined
Oct 11, 2002
Messages
3,127
Likes
614
Points
144
If I find myself suffering tedium
I'll come back and upset some poor medium
With howls and chains clanking
I’ll pull some mean pranking
A regular spirit comedian



The anguished ghost of Jacob Marley
Came riding to town on his Harley
 

INT21

Justified & Ancient
Joined
Jul 18, 2016
Messages
4,307
Likes
2,841
Points
154
The anguished ghost of Jacob Marley
Came riding to town on his Harley
Hey Scrooge, watch your back
'cause he's right on your track
And he don't look like he wants to parley.


The day we leave Europe I'm sure
We will fit some new locks to the door
 

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
3,188
Likes
457
Points
99
The day we leave Europe I'm sure
We will fit some new locks to the door.
All uproar and anarchy?
Keep calm, don't get panicky!
We'll just argue for evermore.

....................................................................
How about if we all emigrate?
Where to? Have we left it too late?
 

INT21

Justified & Ancient
Joined
Jul 18, 2016
Messages
4,307
Likes
2,841
Points
154
How about if we all emigrate?
Where to? Have we left it too late?
'fraid so because
fifty quid down to aus'
take family or even a mate.

It's getting too crowded for me.
darn foreigners is all that we see
 
Top