Blitz Limericks

INT21

Justified & Ancient
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Some habits are hard to bear.
Don't drop your laundry right there!
stop picking your nose
scraping gunge from your toes
their both fun, so why should I care ?

old uncle Fred just got caught
cutting the top of a wart
 

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
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Old uncle Fred just got caught
cutting the top off a wart
"Stop!" said Aunt Lil
You'll get germs and be ill!
You're really more daft than I thought!"

.........................................................................
I've been reading this medical book
I've got all these diseases -just look!
 

INT21

Justified & Ancient
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I've been reading this medical book
I've got all these diseases -just look!
Some I just can't pronounce
though upon me they pounce
it seems that I've run out of luck.

But I may just go very hip
and exchange my brain for a chip
 

GNC

King-Sized Canary
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But I may just go very hip
and exchange my brain for a chip
Don't know if you've seen this
But makes you a genius
With a billion good ideas in a blip.

***

I have some bad news I'm afraid
I overestimated the power of an upgrade
 

INT21

Justified & Ancient
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I have some bad news I'm afraid
I overestimated the power of an upgrade
does that look to you
just like DOS 6.2
oh to think of the money I paid.

My Gran looks just like some old biddi
but she's really a demon script kiddie/
 

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
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My Gran looks just like some old biddi
but she's really a demon script kiddie.
Doesn't shop, cook or clean
Just stays glued to the screen
Her technique has me feeling quite giddy.

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

My neighbour is really a pain
I'm cross, he's been at it again!
 

feen5

Justified & Ancient
Joined
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My neighbour is really a pain
I'm cross, he's been at it again!
Its really quite rude
to walk round in the nude
And in snow, he must be insane

To see it without its wrapping
as a gust of wind sends it flapping
 

IamSundog

Not insane
Joined
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To see it without its wrapping
as a gust of wind sends it flapping
Is less than a thrill
It’s shrunk in the chill
And wrinkled as a lunar mapping.


How beautious is the human form!
Well for point one percent, not the norm
 

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
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How beautious is the human form!
Well for point one percent, not the norm
Fear not! You'll not see
A naked me.
You might reach for the chloroform!

###############################
I'm planning a getaway
You're welcome to come, if you pay.
 

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
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I'm planning a getaway
You're welcome to come, if you pay.
We'll head for the Ritz,
And get merry on Spritz
Live celebrity-style for a day.

.........................................................................................

My parrot's learny a new word
It's the rudest you've ever heard
 

GNC

King-Sized Canary
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My parrot's learny a new word
It's the rudest you've ever heard
And with his rude gesture
You won't think he's blessed you
You'll be aware he's flipping the bird.

***

Don't you think that it's getting strange
That animals evolve with climate change?
 
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Don't you think that it's getting strange
That animals evolve with climate change?
They now venture forth
Migrating far north
And the Inuit sing “Home on the Range”


Out in my red hat that says “MAGA”
I got hit upon by Lady Gaga
 

GNC

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Out in my red hat that says “MAGA”
I got hit upon by Lady Gaga
She said she had found
By changing her sound
She could do so much better with ragga.

***

As the pigeon took off into flight
It was a truly remarkable sight
 

INT21

Justified & Ancient
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As the pigeon took off into flight
It was a truly remarkable sight
A Chinese said 'wow'
I'll buy it anyhow
American Express, that's alright ?

If I woke up tomorrow in Hell
I'd just shrug, and then declare 'well,
 
Joined
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If I woke up tomorrow in Hell
I'd just shrug, and then declare 'well,
Since it sure as heck’s as
Hot as ol’ west Texas
I’ll feel right at home, I can tell’


It’s lucky for me I’m so handsome
Folks say I look like Charles Manson
 

INT21

Justified & Ancient
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It’s lucky for me I’m so handsome
Folks say I look like Charles Manson
It's well known that he
should be hung from a tree
myself, I'm just like Richard Branson.

That means that I'm rich as can be
I own Virgin , as you all can see.
 

GNC

King-Sized Canary
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That means that I'm rich as can be
I own Virgin , as you all can see.
Frankly I'm sceptical
You've just made a spectacle
Of yourself, you get no money from me.

***

The worst person to send into space
To meet our nearest alien race
 
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The worst person to send into space
To meet our nearest alien race
Surely would be Keith Richards
Have you seen recent pictures?
He’d terrify them with that face



OK I weigh six hundred pounds
And I can’t raise myself off the ground
 
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