Blitz Limericks

IamSundog

Not insane
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It's OK, I think that I'm fine
After witnessing the dancing bovine
I’ve learned to let be
Things no person should see
Sanity is a very fine line


Now for more anthropomorphic fauna
Here’s our standup comedian iguana
 

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
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Now for more anthropomorphic fauna
Here’s our standup comedian iguana
The butt of his fun?
David Icke -that's the one!
Get them face to face in a corner!

...........................................................................
One can hear some very strange tales
And theories can go off the rails.
 

GNC

King-Sized Canary
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One can hear some very strange tales
And theories can go off the rails.
But I stand erect
Knowing I'm correct
In my intellect that never fails.

***

This alien transmission's turned odd
Now I think I'm in contact with God
 

IamSundog

Not insane
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This alien transmission's turned odd
Now I think I'm in contact with God
He says I’ve been chosen
To do some nude posin’
Because I’ve got such a hot bod


“Now hold on a minute! Now wait!
I’m wrinkled, bald, and overweight!
 
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Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
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“Now hold on a minute! Now wait!
I’m wrinkled, bald, and overweight!
Well, what can I say?
P'raps God loves you that way!
Or His angels may find you click-bait?

............................................................................
People's tastes are not all the same
An Alien might find ME fair game!
 

IamSundog

Not insane
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People's tastes are not all the same
An Alien might find ME fair game!
But who knows what blobby
Organs might get throbby
When Zaphod turns on his love flame?


Things get weirder the farther you go
It’s best to stick with what you know
 

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
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Things get weirder the farther you go
It’s best to stick with what you know.
I'll just live with my cat
Nothing strange about that!
Gave up looking for love long ago!

........................................................................
I've invented a clever machine
For viewing things previously unseen
 

Tigerhawk

Resistance is futile!
Joined
Jan 20, 2016
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Location
Skaro
I've invented a clever machine
For viewing things previously unseen
It moves one through time
Leaving rancid slime
That's a disturbing shade of green

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

No way! Never! You have no chance!
I do not want to belly dance!
 

GNC

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No way! Never! You have no chance!
I do not want to belly dance!
I bear no ill will
But I'll stand here stock still
And continue to maintain this stance.

***

I can now turn myself upside down
So when on the ceiling I frown
 

IamSundog

Not insane
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I can now turn myself upside down
So when on the ceiling I frown
A smile’s what you see
And when I have to pee
I hold my breath so I don’t drown



I hate being a procrastinator
I’m determined to change that....later
 

GNC

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I hate being a procrastinator
I’m determined to change that....later
I'll no longer be tragic
I'll take up magic
And become master prestidigitator.

***

As we huddle round the roaring campfire
We notice we've been joined by a vampire
 

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
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As we huddle round the roaring campfire
We notice we've been joined by a vampire
We consider it polite
To let him stay for the night
And feed him soup made with garlic and samphire.

....................................................................................................
It's agreed that we won't got to bed
We stay up and make small talk instead
 

IamSundog

Not insane
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It’s agreed that we won't got to bed
We stay up and make small talk instead
For if we fall asleep
The body snatchers will creep
And our seed pod doubles will have bred



Down this country highway it’s so dark
And my dog is spooked but dares not bark
 

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
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Down this country highway it’s so dark
And my dog is spooked but dares not bark
What d'you think he can see?
Could it be GNC
Dressed as Batman, just for a lark?

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

I really can't wait any longer
To witness the amazing nude conga
 

Dinobot

Justified & Ancient
Joined
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Location
Under the floorboards...
I really can't wait any longer
To witness the amazing nude conga
Those rude bits swaying
Goes without saying
That my boredom I shall conquer!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

People who whine "That does not rhyme!"
Can go and suck a big fat lime
 

GNC

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People who whine "That does not rhyme!"
Can go and suck a big fat lime
And I'll take a hammer
To complaints of my grammar
And get structure right? Not this time.

***

As I put on my trenchcoat and trilby
I feel certain any mystery now will be
 

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
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As I put on my trenchcoat and trilby
I feel certain any mystery now will be
Solved in a trice
A few clues will suffice
And I look like our old friend Kim Philby.

.............................................................................................
If I enter the Ladies' Sprint Race
What gender runners will I have to face? *



*topical ;)
 

IamSundog

Not insane
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If I enter the Ladies' Sprint Race
What gender runners will I have to face?
All who identify
As female may apply
No matter how bearded their face


Male or female, non-binary, trans
It’s no longer just what kind of glands
 

GNC

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Male or female, non-binary, trans
It’s no longer just what kind of glands
It's whatever you feel
That makes you feel real
Just be careful in changing rooms - women/man's.

***

I hope you won't think me unkind
But I can lift you off the floor with my mind
 

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
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I hope you won't think me unkind
But I can lift you off the floor with my mind.
That's a really wild claim
(Could the booze be to blame?)
I'm too heavy, I think you'll find!

----------------------------------------
Of course, if your powers are real
You can cut me in with a deal
 
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GNC

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Of couse, if your powers are real
You can cut me in with a deal
You don't need to pay tax
When the coppers are lax
And don't mind the money I steal.

***

No, I must use my powers for good
Determine to lift... the world's mood
 

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
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No, I must use my powers for good
Determine to lift... the world's mood
Oh well, you're the boss!
Most folk don't give a toss.
You've a challenge, that's well understood.

/////////////////////////////////////////////
I think I'll go look at the sea
There's a mermaid just waiting for me.
 

IamSundog

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I think I'll go look at the sea
There's a mermaid just waiting for me.
It might be somewhat risky
If she starts feeling frisky
I can’t hold breath as long as she


In Texas they’s giant mosquiters
When they suck your blood they takes liters
 

GNC

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In Texas they’s giant mosquiters
When they suck your blood they takes liters
Their wingspan's so wide
That you cannot hide
From their proboscis that reaches two metres.

***

John Agar just stands there and glowers
When a tarantula over him towers
 

Tigerhawk

Resistance is futile!
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John Agar just stands there and glowers
When a tarantula over him towers
"Damn this fly swatter!
It don't do squat - er!"
Soon he will have Spidey Powers!

My Spidey Senses are tingling
Whenever I go a-mingling
 

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
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My Spidey Senses are tingling
Whenever I go a-mingling.
I'll strap crooks to their beds
With my super strong threads.
That should set their alarm bells jingling!

...............................................................................

Are all those UFO sightings real?
Something's going to make contact, I feel.
 

IamSundog

Not insane
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Are all those UFO sightings real?
Something's going to make contact, I feel.
Won’t we be delighted
When we’re all invited
Up inside their ship for a meal


The resort where I’ll spend my vacation
Has high levels of gamma radiation
 

GNC

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The resort where I’ll spend my vacation
Has high levels of gamma radiation
But my underwear's lead
So I won't be dead
I'll sun myself sans degradation.

***

Remember the Biblical Flood?
Which washed away all of the crud?
 

Dinobot

Justified & Ancient
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Location
Under the floorboards...
Remember the Biblical Flood?
Which washed away all of the crud?
Well, it's all returned
Like a gloating turd
And now it's out for vengeful blood!

You're feeling strange and so woozy
After a night that was boozy?
 

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
Joined
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You're feeling strange and so woozy
After a night that was boozy?
Try my hangver cure
(Secret contents, for sure.)
Down in one, and don't be too choosey!

...................................................................................

Now off you go to the gym.
Your trainer's strict ? Bully for him!
 
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