Blitz Limericks

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
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Now off you go to the gym.
Your trainer's strict ? Bully for him!
You drank too many shots?
Do press ups and squats
Drink water -you won't feel so grim.

...........................................................................................

Each night when I crawl into bed
Strange ideas pop into my head
 

IamSundog

Not insane
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Each night when I crawl into bed
Strange ideas pop into my head
I imagine at least
Fifty magical beasts
Prancing out of my back garden shed


When I walked out my door - holy mackerel!
‘Cross the sky flew a huge pterodactyl!
 

feen5

Justified & Ancient
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When I walked out my door - holy mackerel!
‘Cross the sky flew a huge pterodactyl!
And on the river below
in a boat going slow
was Olympic gold medalist James Cracknell

The mighty lizard looked likely to poop
as it fell from the sky with a swoop
 
Last edited:

GNC

King-Sized Canary
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The mighty lizard looked likely to poop
as it fell from the sky with a swoop
The band S Club 7
Turned their gaze towards heaven
And the creature splattered the whole group.

***

I don't want to sound here too drastic
But I know what to do with waste plastic
 

Recycled1

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I don't want to sound here too drastic
But I know what to do with waste plastic.
Are you sure? Is that true?
We'll all send ours to YOU!
Are you making something fantastic?

................................................................................
Plastic bottles can make Christmas trees
If you're handy, and easy to please.
 

GNC

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Plastic bottles can make Christmas trees
If you're handy, and easy to please.
The whole human race
Can escape to space
With a plastic spacecraft I will tease.

***

I don't want to make you all surly
But you can think of Christmas too early
 

IamSundog

Not insane
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I din't want to make you all surly
But you can think of Christmas too early
Reindeer all swoon
In the hot sun of June
And who’d want to see Santa’s curlies?


The gnomes in their caverns are grumbling
As the oil wells set their abodes crumbling
 

Recycled1

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The gnomes in their caverns are grumbling
As the oil wells set their abodes crumbling.
If they have to move out
They'll cause damage, no doubt,
As through gardens and woods they go stumbling.

.........................................................................................................

Something strange has been happening
I keep finding this huge fairy ring
 

GNC

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Something strange has been happening
I keep finding this huge fairy ring
It really is scary
At least it's not hairy
I wonder if I should now map the thing?

***

In the library I found a large tome
Too big to check out and take home
 

IamSundog

Not insane
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In the library I found a large tome
Too big to check out and take home
On the subject of bats
And cooking them in vats
Written by some scruffy old gnome


There’s nothing I like quite so well
As wet dogs - the way that they smell
 

ChasFink

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There’s nothing I like quite so well
As wet dogs - the way that they smell
With great anticipation
I await precipitation
 

Recycled1

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There’s nothing I like quite so well
As wet dogs - the way that they smell
With great anticipation
I await precipitation
I'm a bit strange that way, can you tell?

.....................................................................................
I gave up cigarettes long ago
But I still like the smell of tobacco
 

Dinobot

Justified & Ancient
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Location
Under the floorboards...
I gave up cigarettes long ago
But I still like the smell of tobacco
In enema form
It is the new norm
Just pop one in and off I go!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

From a strange place is a smoke ring
I tell you, it's the coming thing!
 
Joined
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From a strange place is a smoke ring
I tell you, it's the coming thing!
Come, take a big puff
Of that nicotine guff
You'll love how it makes your eyes sting!

Now of course there will always be haters
Who object to our rhymes about flatus
 

ChasFink

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Now of course there will always be haters
Who object to our rhymes about flatus.
They don't see the art
In poems about fart
Nor in ones we write 'bout masturbaters.

______________[BTW, thanks to Recycled1 for fixing my omission of a last line in "wet dogs" above.]____________

My neighbor does not mean to flirt
Through her window as she doffs her shirt.
 
Joined
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My neighbor does not mean to flirt
Through her window as she doffs her shirt.
That ChasFink stares in awe
As she unhooks her bra
While he crouches ‘neath shrubs in the dirt




As for me, I am much too refined
To pay such sights any mind
 

GNC

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As for me, I am much too refined
To pay such sights any mind

I look the other way
Each night and each day
Not for me the appeal of bump and grind.

***

By this time I'm spiritually sure
That my every thought is so pure
 

ChasFink

Devoted Cultist
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By this time I'm spiritually sure
That my every thought is so pure
That Lord God will pardon
Each youthful hard-on
Now that I'm so mature.

***
What's up with that Mr. Babbit
And his nice fluffy little white rabbit?
 
Joined
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What's up with that Mr. Babbit
And his nice fluffy little white rabbit?
In his trousers crotch
Is the bunny’s hutch
He keeps trying to get Recycled to grab it


As well he has a sizable candle
He’s trying to get her to handle
 
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