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INT21

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Let me introduce Reggie the rat
He's clever, and knows where it's at!
He uses his brain
and he knows every drain
But he isn't too keen on our cat.

While out paddling I thought 'should I wander ?
they say there's a huge anaconda
 

IamSundog

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While out paddling I thought 'should I wander ?
they say there's a huge anaconda
The pasty white meat
That I sport head to feet
Of nothing else is he fonder



Now my pet’s a Komodo Dragon
If she starts your way, don’t be laggin’
 

GNC

King-Sized Canary
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Now my pet’s a Komodo Dragon
If she starts your way, don’t be laggin’

The strange thing, I think
Is she likes a drink
Of an evening she'll be downing a flagon.

***

For me, an amoeba's my pet
As easy to care for as you get
 

INT21

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For me, an amoeba's my pet
As easy to care for as you get
And my virus collection
is here for inspection
two more, and I've got a full set.

So I spend all my time down a sewer
It hold this fantastic 'allure'
 

ChasFink

Devoted Cultist
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So I spend all my time down a sewer
It hold this fantastic 'allure'
And if a young lass
Can stand methane gas
I'd be very happy to do 'er.

Meet Enoch, my pet tardigrade.
For him, no one else would I trade
 

INT21

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Meet Enoch, my pet tardigrade.
For him, no one else would I trade
I just would not share
my sweet water bear
my affection for him just won't fade.

The day that I married you, dear.
Was the day that I learned about fear
 

IamSundog

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The day that I married you, dear.
Was the day that I learned about fear
You’ve got boa constrictors
Hidden up your knickers
And tarantulas in your brassiere



My father warned me to be cautious
Young women, he said, may look luscious
 

GNC

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My father warned me to be cautious
Young women, he said, may look luscious
Consider your dealings
When you have these feelings
That you're basically making them nauseous.


***

So they have found Nessie at last!
She's a great big eel, and moves fast
 

INT21

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So they have found Nessie at last!
She's a great big eel, and moves fast
To gulp down small boys
making almost no noise
as she chews them, a tasty repast.

The parents will spend their time wishing
young Jimmy had not gone spear fishing.
 

Recycled1

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The parents will spend their time wishing
young Jimmy had not gone spear fishing.
What he's left in the sink
Is a small shark, I think.
And quite angry, to judge by the swishing!

..........................................................................................
Look what followed me home, all the way!
I've told it, it really can't stay.........
 

Tigerhawk

Dazed and confused...
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Look what followed me home, all the way!
I've told it, it really can't stay.........
But for just one night
Unearthly delight
That is all I can really say!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Should I hang around here loafing
Or should just I go out golfing?
 

INT21

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Should I hang around here loafing
Or should just I go out golfing?
They both involve balls
 

GNC

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Should I hang around here loafing
Or should just I go out golfing?
They both involve balls
And far louder calls
To instead take up some windsurfing.

***

I've discovered The Hobbit expanded
Unpublished before now, cannot stand it
 

INT21

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I've discovered The Hobbit expanded
Unpublished before now, cannot stand it.
There's more Awks and more lords
They have much bigger swords
plus all of their clothing is branded.

One dark night I met this strange girl
She said 'my precious, let's give it a whirl'.
 

Tigerhawk

Dazed and confused...
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One dark night I met this strange girl
She said 'my precious, let's give it a whirl'.
"What, a lovers tryst?"
"Yes, that sort of gist"
I staggered off, wanting to hurl

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

No, it is not very funny
When your bottom is extra runny
 

Recycled1

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[

No, it is not very funny
When your bottom is extra runny
Hang around near a loo
Is what you must do
Or as some folks might call it, a 'dunny'.

.......................................................................
Did you eat something dodgy last night?
Was that left over curry alright?
 

feen5

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Did you eat something dodgy last night?
Was that left over curry alright?
Or did the garlic bread
leave your bum a bright red
and cause you to not feel quite right

Perhaps you should just stick to salad
though it may leave your face looking pallid
 

escargot

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Perhaps you should just stick to salad
though it may leave your face looking pallid
If you fill up with greens
And part-boiled beans
We will all hear your bum sing a ballad.

I've opened a restaurant that caters
For clients who enjoy frequent flatus
 

IamSundog

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I've opened a restaurant that caters
For clients who enjoy frequent flatus
Where the trendy and hip
Can let noisy ones rip
From baked beans and undercooked potatoes


There’s a certain undeniable frisson
That attends an unfettered emission
 

ChasFink

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There’s a certain undeniable frisson
That attends an unfettered emission
I can't get my fill
Of that glorious thrill
That accompanies gluteal fission.

The odor which from that act rises
Seldom is one that surprises
 

Recycled1

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The odor which from that act rises
Seldom is one that surprises
It won't get you far
Chatting up, at the bar
"What a peasant!" the cute blond surmises.

.........................................................................................
What you really ought to invest in
Is food that's good for the digestion
 

INT21

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What you really ought to invest in
Is food that's good for the digestion
cut out fat stuff and bloaters
they just produce floaters
they'll stick in the bog, there's no question.

My plate of cold chicken and chips
is bound to add weight to my hips
 

feen5

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My plate of cold chicken and chips
is bound to add weight to my hips
And the considerable hum
emitted from my bum
are from farts which my body let rips

The temptation to scream and shout
Is caused by my flaring up gout
 

IamSundog

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The temptation to scream and shout
Is caused by my flaring up gout
And god only knows
This pain in my toes
Is something I could do without



Life is great but there’s one little hitch
The frailties of age are a bitch
 

INT21

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Life is great but there’s one little hitch
The frailties of age are a bitch
I no longer can meet
with the girls on the street
except for one narky old bitch.

But once I performed like a god
they all said 'beware that old sod'
 

GNC

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But once I performed like a god
they all said 'beware that old sod'
He might just attack us
Cause he thinks he's Bacchus
Leave him alone or get a rod.

***

I really do not wish to meddle
But I think you should walk or pedal
 

IamSundog

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I really do not wish to meddle
But I think you should walk or pedal
If gas fumes don’t persuade you
To use legs, like we’re made to,
Perhaps becoming fat, or worse, dead’ll




My vehicle’s very low-polluting
It runs on the methane I’m pooting
 

ChasFink

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My vehicle’s very low-polluting
It runs on the methane I’m pooting
But the sound from my rear
Might lead some, I fear,
To attest to a drive-by shooting

Now electric cars are on the road
But batteries sometimes explode
 

INT21

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Now electric cars are on the road
But batteries sometimes explode
But a rabbit does well
on one Duracell
just don't let the fixings corrode.

I really can't see all the fuss
I'm building a nuclear bus
 

Tigerhawk

Dazed and confused...
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I really can't see all the fuss
I'm building a nuclear bus
Just need yellowcake
Cower in my wake
As you're reduced to glowing green pus!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Fear Not Mere Mortals! All is not lost
Paradise is yours! (For a cost!)
 
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