Blitz Limericks

escargot

Disciple of Marduk
Joined
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HM The Tower of London
I'm usually grateful and humble
But for once I'm having a grumble
About worn-out elastic
The effects are quite drastic
When Recycled's drawers are taking a tumble!

When our chilly old friend Jack Frost calls
'tis the weather for warm woolly smalls
 

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
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When our chilly old friend Jack Frost calls
'tis the weather for warm woolly smalls
Ooh no, I can't bare
To get itchy down there
I like cotton, whatever befalls. :D

......................................................................................................
You might keep yourself warm in a onesie.
Could prove tricky if you get the runs, see?
 

IamSundog

Not insane
Joined
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You might keep yourself warm in a onesie.
Could prove tricky if you get the runs, see?
It’d be hard to explain it
How you came to stain it
All the way down the back and up frontsie


The old style that sports a cat-flap
Is useful for that kind of crap
 

escargot

Disciple of Marduk
Joined
Aug 24, 2001
Messages
27,447
Likes
26,397
Points
309
Location
HM The Tower of London
The old style that sports a cat-flap
Is useful for that kind of crap
Just release the hook-and-eye
Bend down, and let fly
Then button up and deny the mishap!

When such random poo-puddles are found
You can bet IamSundog's around
 

IamSundog

Not insane
Joined
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When such random poo-puddles are found
You can bet IamSundog's around
To track down the culprit
Who messed on the carpet
(It’s always Escargot, I’ve found)


It’s easy to track down a snail
You just follow the slimey trail
 

GNC

King-Sized Canary
Joined
Aug 25, 2001
Messages
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It’s easy to track down a snail
You just follow the slimey trail
But our noble resident
Will rise to be President
As we sing out O Proudly We Hail.

***

In this world, is it worth having heroes?
When everyone's revealed as big zeroes?
 

IamSundog

Not insane
Joined
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Messages
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In this world, is it worth having heroes?
When everyone's revealed as big zeroes?
When we need a Gandi
What we get is Fonzie
Instead of Augustus we get Nero


As the world collapses into rubble
I skip through the flowers blowing bubbles
 

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
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As the world collapses into rubble
I skip through the flowers blowing bubbles.
You'll soon be OK
There's a nurse on her way
Go quietly -let's have no trouble!

................................................................................
There's no point in stressing all night
We must get our priorities right!
 

INT21

Antediluvian
Joined
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Messages
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5,630
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There's no point in stressing all night
We must get our priorities right!
Will you go of to jail
if your sis' tells a tale
you'll just have to kill her, sounds right.

And then all your passions can flow
to that other nice girl that you know
 

escargot

Disciple of Marduk
Joined
Aug 24, 2001
Messages
27,447
Likes
26,397
Points
309
Location
HM The Tower of London
And then all your passions can flow
to that other nice girl that you know
Who'll shout 'Damn you to hell
You unpleasant incel!'
Then dispatch you with her shiny crossbow.

You'll be shot through the head with a bolt
And it'll all be your own stupid fault
 

IamSundog

Not insane
Joined
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Messages
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Wow this turned dark fast...

You'll be shot through the head with a bolt
And it'll all be your own stupid fault
It’ll make a real mess
Of your cerebral cortex
Which may come as a bit of a jolt


Life’s really simpler, in the main,
With a gaping wide hole in your brain
 

GNC

King-Sized Canary
Joined
Aug 25, 2001
Messages
28,744
Likes
14,141
Points
284
Life’s really simpler, in the main,
With a gaping wide hole in your brain
Well, you say "life"
But all of that strife
You cause will be gone, in the main.

***

An unexpected side effect on the paws
If you're a werewolf, with slavering jaws
 

INT21

Antediluvian
Joined
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An unexpected side effect on the paws
If you're a werewolf, with slavering jaws .
they get cold when it snows
(that's just how it goes)
it's better to just stay indoors.

Keep your trips to the crypt for the summer
though it may seem a bit of a bummer
 
Joined
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Keep your trips to the crypt for the summer
though it may seem a bit of a bummer
When interred prematurely
It’s cooler there, surely,
While in winter you’re colder and number


How to while the hours in the gloom
While imprisoned alone in this tomb?
 

INT21

Antediluvian
Joined
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Messages
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5,630
Points
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How to while the hours in the gloom
While imprisoned alone in this tomb?
When the full moon shines bright
I'll go out for the night
A handsome dark agent of doom.

I'm a loner, I never join gangs
And take extra care of my fangs
 

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
Joined
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Messages
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I'm a loner, I never join gangs
And take extra care of my fangs
I choose a grave stone
If they need a hone
I work silently -no bumps or bangs.
.............................................................................
Sometimes you might hear a low growl
Or smell somethng putrid and foul
 
Joined
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Sometimes you might hear a low growl
Or smell somethng putrid and foul,
Or see shadows take flight
in the dead of the night
as alone in the graveyard you prowl.

Last time I met old uncle Fred
I said 'hang on uncle, tha's dead'
 

feen5

Justified & Ancient
Joined
Feb 9, 2004
Messages
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Last time I met old uncle Fred
I said 'hang on uncle, tha's dead'
I am fairly sure
Cause with some fervour
It was me that hit you on the head.

Its really no good way to behave
If when dead you just rise from the grave
 

escargot

Disciple of Marduk
Joined
Aug 24, 2001
Messages
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Likes
26,397
Points
309
Location
HM The Tower of London
It's really no good way to behave
If when dead you just rise from the grave
Even though well-endowed
When you lift up your shroud
There's nothing we want you to wave!

You'll be known as the Old Flashing Ghoul
When you haunt the town swimming pool
 

INT21

Antediluvian
Joined
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Messages
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You'll be known as the Old Flashing Ghoul
When you haunt the town swimming pool
And although you may boast
your the ghost with the most
they think your a self centred fool.

If you really don't fancy being dead
try being a zombie instead
 

GNC

King-Sized Canary
Joined
Aug 25, 2001
Messages
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If you really don't fancy being dead
try being a zombie instead
Around you can shuffle
To cause a kerfuffle
Eating people to make them brown bread.

***

There's nothing wrong with being small
When in your heart you stand tall
 
Joined
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There's nothing wrong with being small
When in your heart you stand tall
And although you write shite
you KNOW you are right
and you can always just say 'F' you all.

Now, although I may say it my self
I'm well known for panache and great wealth
 

GNC

King-Sized Canary
Joined
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Now, although I may say it my self
I'm well known for panache and great wealth
You have such a laff
In your walk-in bath
Because you're in the rudest of health.

***

On the subject of people being rude
How do we protect against the crude?
 
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