Blitz Limericks

GNC

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All claim to redemption now sever
Being buggered by demons forever
Look on the bright side
Of your gaping backside
They'll hear you fart again never.

***

When the sun came up at the morn
There was no need to feel so forlorn
 

INT21

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When the sun came up at the morn
There was no need to feel so forlorn.
And soon you will say
'it's just like yesterday
but I'm feeling a little more worn'.

I never spring out of bed happy
'cause I'm sure everything will be crappy
 

IamSundog

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I never spring out of bed happy
'cause I'm sure everything will be crappy
I suck on a lemon
And then inject venom
In my tongue, lest I say something sappy



Wipe that stupid smile off your face!
And get to work! Pick up the pace!
 

escargot

Disciple of Marduk
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'Wipe that stupid smile off your face!
And get to work! Pick up the pace!
Don't just sit on your bum!'
I said to my Mum
As the Martians heat rayed-up the place!

But she calmly continued, just sitting,
And I suddenly saw what she was knitting
 

IamSundog

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But she calmly continued, just sitting,
And I suddenly saw what she was knitting
I realized of course it
Was an S&M corset
With garter straps , black, and form-fitting



I cried out “Oh mother! Now stop!”
Then she produced her riding crop
 

INT21

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I cried out “Oh mother! Now stop!”
Then she produced her riding crop
She said 'son, you've been bad
just like your dad
and like him you'll be saying 'don't stop.'.

So, lad, if you'll drop your undies
and let us begin all the fun days.
 

GNC

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So, lad, if you'll drop your undies
and let us begin all the fun days.
Seven for the week
When they start to squeak
You really should have washed them from Monday's.

***

There's only one word for this: "Zowie!"
I've actually talked with a Yowie
 

INT21

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There's only one word for this: "Zowie!"
I've actually talked with a Yowie
I asked 'are you from Brum'
He raised his right thumb
Saying , 'yow'll do for mate,oh wowy'

Oh deary me, what shall I do,
a dog has run off with my shoe.
 

IamSundog

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Oh deary me, what shall I do,
a dog has run off with my shoe.
It’s ignoring my whistles
And my yard’s choked with thistles
And it’s stolen my underwear too


All ties to my straight job I’ll sever
I’m getting the band back together
 

INT21

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All ties to my straight job I’ll sever
I’m getting the band back together
Does this mean that I'm gay
No, well, not in that way
I think that it's just now or never.

My father was just an old docker
and now I am just an old rocker
 

INT21

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My father was just an old docker
and now I am just an old rocker
grey hair on my chest
 

escargot

Disciple of Marduk
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My father was just an old docker
and now I am just an old rocker
grey hair on my chest
Er, c'mon, where's the rest?
Three more lines please, you silly old Fokker!
 

INT21

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Good Lord, Have I done it again ?
perhaps I am going insane.
 

IamSundog

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Good Lord, Have I done it again ?
perhaps I am going insane.
Mental health statistics
Show that excessive limericks
Can severely damage your brain


But Escargot’s got no right to whine
She neglected to start the next rhyme
 

Dinobot

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Broadcasting from the moon...
But Escargot’s got no right to whine
She neglected to start the next rhyme
Now it's up to us
To clear uo this fuss
While wearing a laurel of thyme.

========================================

Oh dear! The troubles you will face
While travelling through time and space
 

INT21

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Oh dear! The troubles you will face
While travelling through time and space
But can it be done ?
and will it be fun?
or just lead to shame and disgrace.

And that young girl you had in your tranny
just turned out to be your old granny
 

Dinobot

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Broadcasting from the moon...
And that young girl you had in your tranny
just turned out to be your old granny
Wait, my Granny Smith?
Out dancing with Yith?!
And then eloping with Manny!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You're off to the wild blue yonder?
To do just what, I do wonder!
 

INT21

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You're off to the wild blue yonder?
To do just what, I do wonder!
On old dusty tracks
to avoid paying tax ?
the morality you aught to ponder.

Maybe I should change my name
and start playing some radical game
 

INT21

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Maybe I should change my name
and start playing some radical game
Form a like - minded clan
with a stripper called Ann
And the future will not be the same.

Or maybe join sides with Bad Bungle
and live somewhere out in a jungle
 

escargot

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Or maybe join sides with Bad Bungle
and live somewhere out in a jungle
To avoid the Corona
You must be a loner
If you want to avoid getting a lungful.

So now we're we all self-isolating
When we'd rather be out dancing or skating
 

INT21

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So now we're we all self-isolating
When we'd rather be out dancing or skating
But it's all for the best
so puff out your chest
and practice yoga while you are waiting.

So I'll look out my window and sigh
and the Sun will come out, by and by
 

IamSundog

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So I'll look out my window and sigh
and the Sun will come out, by and by
And life will go on
And a new day will dawn
Assuming we don’t sicken and die


Now’s a good time for dark humor
Though I’m not really a gloom-and-doomer
 

INT21

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Now’s a good time for dark humor
Though I’m not really a gloom-and-doomer
But we all have to go
that is one thing we know
be it neck break, syphilis or tumour..

But come, let's raise the glass today
Drink to good health, come what may
 

Recycled1

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But come, let's raise the glass today
Drink to good health, come what may
If it turns out your fate
Is to self isolate
Plan something to do, every day.

......................................................................
I may even get the compulsion
To decorate, slap on emulsion!
 

INT21

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I may even get the compulsion
To decorate, slap on emulsion!
Some gloss on the door
and tiles on the floor
and six other forms of revulsion.

But fear not, this urge will soon pass
and I'll go for a walk in the grass
.
 

INT21

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But fear not, this urge will soon pass
and I'll go for a walk in the grass
breath in the fresh air
by the local town square
and then off to church for the Mass.

No, really I'm going out , a damsel for to meet
I met her at the check-out and think that she is sweet
 

escargot

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No, really I'm going out , a damsel for to meet
I met her at the check-out and think that she is sweet
I'd ask her for sex
In return for Andrex
But she'd hold out for more than one sheet!

It's frustrating, this self-isolating
As you're not allowed Tinder or dating
 
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