Blitz Limericks

INT21

Antediluvian
Joined
Jul 18, 2016
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It's frustrating, this self-isolating
As you're not allowed Tinder or dating
from dark until dawn
you'l find lots of porn
so there's no need to keep yourself waiting.

Soon science will fill in the gaps
With machines that will fondle your baps
 

GNC

King-Sized Canary
Joined
Aug 25, 2001
Messages
29,189
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Soon science will fill in the gaps
With machines that will fondle your baps
If there are no takers
For those kind of bakers
We can just heat some toast, then, perhaps.

***

I've been forced to move out of the home
Too much food in it - and now I'm alone
 

IamSundog

Not insane
Joined
Oct 11, 2002
Messages
3,504
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I've been forced to move out of the home
Too much food in it - and now I'm alone
But I’ve built a teepee
From my stash of TP
And it makes a warm jacket when sewn

I’m slouching around in my haven
In undies, unwashed and unshaven
 

escargot

Disciple of Marduk
Joined
Aug 24, 2001
Messages
28,187
Likes
28,855
Points
309
Location
HM The Tower of London
I’m slouching around in my haven
In undies, unwashed and unshaven
The dress-code's informal
Though of course that's quite normal
The curtains are closed, I'm behavin'!

We're holed up with TP and beans
Behaving like shy testudines
 

INT21

Antediluvian
Joined
Jul 18, 2016
Messages
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We're holed up with TP and beans
Behaving like shy testudines
By august, I see
we may be free
to frequent the more lively scenes.

Being a recluse, I don't care much
for crowds, and I've recently lost touch
 

IamSundog

Not insane
Joined
Oct 11, 2002
Messages
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1,143
Points
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Being a recluse, I don't care much
for crowds, and I've recently lost touch
With email and news
I lounge ‘round and use
Religion and booze as a crutch


It’s a great chance, this enforced “vacation”
To take up a brand new vocation
 

GNC

King-Sized Canary
Joined
Aug 25, 2001
Messages
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Points
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It’s a great chance, this enforced “vacation”
To take up a brand new vocation
Cross legs and go "om"
Focus on your calm
And you'll get through this vexation.

***

Next you attempt yogic flying
Instead of the Olympics they're trying
 

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
3,372
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690
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Next you attempt yogic flying
Instead of the Olympics they're trying
To stop, please check whether
You've got a firm tether
To earth, or you might end up dying.

..............................................................................
Perhaps astral travelling's your goal
But avoid what may be a Black Hole.
 

IamSundog

Not insane
Joined
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Messages
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Points
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Perhaps astral travelling's your goal
But avoid what may be a Black Hole
Unless it’s your intention
Another dimension
To enter, as nought but a soul



Once you cross the event horizon
You’ll find where all your lost socks been hidin’
 

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
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690
Points
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Once you cross the event horizon
You’ll find where all your lost socks been hidin’

An alternative "you"
May be there to view
All past mistakes overridin'.

...........................................................................

I'd better nip round the Co-op
They've got bog rolls for sale in their shop
 

escargot

Disciple of Marduk
Joined
Aug 24, 2001
Messages
28,187
Likes
28,855
Points
309
Location
HM The Tower of London
I'd better nip round the Co-op
They've got bog rolls for sale in their shop
I've used my sandpaper
And the wallpaper scraper
Oh, what I'd give for a nice painless plop!

My poor chocolate starfish is bleeding
And the skin all around is receding
 

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
Joined
Jun 6, 2008
Messages
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My poor chocolate starfish is bleeding
And the skin all around is receding
I've consulted the runes -
You should stop eating prunes!
Else it's nappies you'll soon be needing.

.................................................................................
When I venture outside today
I'll be masked in the bank-robber way!
 

GNC

King-Sized Canary
Joined
Aug 25, 2001
Messages
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Likes
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Points
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When I venture outside today
I'll be masked in the bank-robber way!
They will not be told up
The shop's it's no hold-up
And so at home I am forced to stay.

***

I look so good in my latest top hat
I don't mind my cape makes me look fat
 

escargot

Disciple of Marduk
Joined
Aug 24, 2001
Messages
28,187
Likes
28,855
Points
309
Location
HM The Tower of London
I look so good in my latest top hat
I don't mind my cape makes me look fat
Nobody's staring
Though that's all I am wearing
At Lords as I stroll out to bat!

The Olympics are cancelled this year
There'll be no hunky sportsmen to cheer!
 

Recycled1

Justified & Ancient
Joined
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Messages
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The Olympics are cancelled this year
There'll be no hunky sportsmen to cheer!
We'll sit watching repeats
Of past years' great feats
While we weep into tankards of beer.

...........................................................................
Do you think this will go on forever?
Or will medics develop something clever?
 

GNC

King-Sized Canary
Joined
Aug 25, 2001
Messages
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Points
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Do you think this will go on forever?
Or will medics develop something clever?
If they're in the lab
Then they will soon blab
About their latest life-saving endeavour.

***

Let us choose an appropriate song
And have a cheer and a singalong
 
Joined
Oct 11, 2002
Messages
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Let us choose an appropriate song
And have a cheer and a singalong
We can all intone a
Verse of “My Corona”
Between taking hits off the bong


This involuntary vacation...
Time for exercise and meditation!
 
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