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INT21

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It's frustrating, this self-isolating
As you're not allowed Tinder or dating
from dark until dawn
you'l find lots of porn
so there's no need to keep yourself waiting.

Soon science will fill in the gaps
With machines that will fondle your baps
 

GNC

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Soon science will fill in the gaps
With machines that will fondle your baps
If there are no takers
For those kind of bakers
We can just heat some toast, then, perhaps.

***

I've been forced to move out of the home
Too much food in it - and now I'm alone
 

IamSundog

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I've been forced to move out of the home
Too much food in it - and now I'm alone
But I’ve built a teepee
From my stash of TP
And it makes a warm jacket when sewn

I’m slouching around in my haven
In undies, unwashed and unshaven
 

escargot

Disciple of Marduk
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I’m slouching around in my haven
In undies, unwashed and unshaven
The dress-code's informal
Though of course that's quite normal
The curtains are closed, I'm behavin'!

We're holed up with TP and beans
Behaving like shy testudines
 

INT21

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We're holed up with TP and beans
Behaving like shy testudines
By august, I see
we may be free
to frequent the more lively scenes.

Being a recluse, I don't care much
for crowds, and I've recently lost touch
 

IamSundog

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Being a recluse, I don't care much
for crowds, and I've recently lost touch
With email and news
I lounge ‘round and use
Religion and booze as a crutch


It’s a great chance, this enforced “vacation”
To take up a brand new vocation
 

GNC

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It’s a great chance, this enforced “vacation”
To take up a brand new vocation
Cross legs and go "om"
Focus on your calm
And you'll get through this vexation.

***

Next you attempt yogic flying
Instead of the Olympics they're trying
 

Recycled1

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Next you attempt yogic flying
Instead of the Olympics they're trying
To stop, please check whether
You've got a firm tether
To earth, or you might end up dying.

..............................................................................
Perhaps astral travelling's your goal
But avoid what may be a Black Hole.
 

IamSundog

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Perhaps astral travelling's your goal
But avoid what may be a Black Hole
Unless it’s your intention
Another dimension
To enter, as nought but a soul



Once you cross the event horizon
You’ll find where all your lost socks been hidin’
 

Recycled1

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Once you cross the event horizon
You’ll find where all your lost socks been hidin’

An alternative "you"
May be there to view
All past mistakes overridin'.

...........................................................................

I'd better nip round the Co-op
They've got bog rolls for sale in their shop
 

escargot

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I'd better nip round the Co-op
They've got bog rolls for sale in their shop
I've used my sandpaper
And the wallpaper scraper
Oh, what I'd give for a nice painless plop!

My poor chocolate starfish is bleeding
And the skin all around is receding
 

Recycled1

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My poor chocolate starfish is bleeding
And the skin all around is receding
I've consulted the runes -
You should stop eating prunes!
Else it's nappies you'll soon be needing.

.................................................................................
When I venture outside today
I'll be masked in the bank-robber way!
 

GNC

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When I venture outside today
I'll be masked in the bank-robber way!
They will not be told up
The shop's it's no hold-up
And so at home I am forced to stay.

***

I look so good in my latest top hat
I don't mind my cape makes me look fat
 

escargot

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I look so good in my latest top hat
I don't mind my cape makes me look fat
Nobody's staring
Though that's all I am wearing
At Lords as I stroll out to bat!

The Olympics are cancelled this year
There'll be no hunky sportsmen to cheer!
 

Recycled1

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The Olympics are cancelled this year
There'll be no hunky sportsmen to cheer!
We'll sit watching repeats
Of past years' great feats
While we weep into tankards of beer.

...........................................................................
Do you think this will go on forever?
Or will medics develop something clever?
 

GNC

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Do you think this will go on forever?
Or will medics develop something clever?
If they're in the lab
Then they will soon blab
About their latest life-saving endeavour.

***

Let us choose an appropriate song
And have a cheer and a singalong
 

IamSundog

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Let us choose an appropriate song
And have a cheer and a singalong
We can all intone a
Verse of “My Corona”
Between taking hits off the bong


This involuntary vacation...
Time for exercise and meditation!
 

Recycled1

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This involuntary vacation...
Time for exercise and meditation!
Lots of hours to fill
You could learn a new skill
Or just snooze away, for the duration .

.....................
Mistakes have been made in high places
We should witness some very red faces
 

GNC

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Mistakes have been made in high places
We should witness some very red faces
It's just the pits
When coughing fits
Accompany the puce-featured cases.

***

Honest, self-isolating is fine
I have lots to fill up my time
 

escargot

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Honest, self-isolating is fine
I have lots to fill up my time
Last trip on the Tube
Was to stock up on lube
To work up a lovely shine!

Of course, what I really mean is
Nothing's so important as cleanness
 

GNC

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Of course, what I really mean is
Nothing's so important as cleanness
Like brand spanking new
Not covered in poo
Good grief, heavens no, have you seen us?

***

As I surveyed the inky night sky
Someone looking back did I spy
 

IamSundog

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As I surveyed the inky night sky
Someone looking back did I spy
Offering salutations
From the constellations
As she leisurely floated by



‘Neath the hyacinth bushes there sat
A small man with an odd colorful hat
 

Dinobot

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Broadcasting from the moon...
‘Neath the hyacinth bushes there sat
A small man with an odd colorful hat

It's Boris Johnson!
No other clothes on!
And talking like an utter twat!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Oh, dear Lord, he's done it again!
Run off with that dull Fabian!
 

GNC

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Oh, dear Lord, he's done it again!
Run off with that dull Fabian!
Troy Donahue's jealous
He's starting to yell as
Paul Anka is driving him insane.

***

I've decided that now I must teach
Grunt communication, not speech
 

IamSundog

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I've decided that now I must teach
Grunt communication, not speech
Because texting affords
Use of no vocal cords
And there’s always smart phones within reach

I finally cut my own hair
Now with shock in the mirror I stare
 

EnolaGaia

I knew the job was dangerous when I took it ...
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I finally cut my own hair
Now with shock in the mirror I stare
I'm not so much troubled
By the patchwork of stubble
As the earlobe gone missing somewhere

Just a moment to light up my pipe
And sit back to announce a small gripe
 

Dinobot

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Broadcasting from the moon...
Just a moment to light up my pipe
And sit back to announce a small gripe
As my Sharona
Now has Carona
Life's one big pile of rancid tripe!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Grab a hold of it and just squeeze!
It is great fun if you don't wheeze!
 

Recycled1

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Grab a hold of it and just squeeze!
It is great fun if you don't wheeze!
If I give it a pull
When my belly is full
Will it reach down to my knees?

...............................................................
I'm speaking, of course, of my sweater
Hand knitted -the fit could be better!
 

escargot

Disciple of Marduk
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I'm speaking, of course, of my sweater
Hand knitted - the fit could be better!
Its unusual charms
Include two extra arms
Oh, so you made it for my Irish Setter?

When you want a woolly gimp-suit knitted
You have to be professionally fitted
 

Dinobot

Justified & Ancient
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Broadcasting from the moon...
When you want a woolly gimp-suit knitted
You have to be professionally fitted
By one Escargot
And her tape will go
To a place that should be pitied!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Things measure up down there, so you say
During the debauched month of May
 
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