In the realm of fierce beast-on-beast combat
The fight between badger and wombat
There's only one winner
The poor wom is dinner
Much like a mouse versus house cat.
***
You really must be having a laugh
If you think you can ride a giraffe
When travelling through the Serengeti
Chose a Camel but not ones that's sweaty
Or if taking a sashay a-
-mong the Himalayas
Try a piggy-back ride from a Yeti
You’ll wish that you’d never been born
When you hear me play my French horn
The nights are a-drawing in here
In our damp chilly north hemisphere
Please don't think me the rudest
But if you're a nudist
Time to think of an indoor career.
***
I present a remarkable pigeon
Who's started a brand new religion
I'm shocked at the tremendous size
Of my pre-Christmas batch of mince pies
They're now in the oven
After plenty of shovin'
The kitchen will burst when they rise!
Through the big hole in Dinobot's vest
You con see the pterodactyls' nest
Through the big hole in Dinobot's vest
You can see the pterodactyls' nest
And down in his drawers
Are some tyrannosaurs
He expects us to all be impressed
That thing you’ve got! It’s a behemoth!
The size of which most fellows dreameth!
That thing you’ve got! It’s a behemoth!
The size of which most fellows dreameth'of (sorry i had to add that 'of)
but you should have a care
that your underwear
befits yourself as a man of the cloth
Over the last limerick I've toiled
so much so, my pants I have soiled
Over the last limerick I've toiled
so much so, my pants I have soiled
And yet your rhymes
Were grammatical crimes
If you think you've succeeded - you're foiled!
***
"I'm not selling Cola now" - Santa
He's taken a liking to Fanta
“I'm not selling Cola now" - Santa
He's taken a liking to Fanta
And what makes him most merry
Is to get sloshed on sherry
But go back up the chimney? He can’t-a
Off-season the elves get their kicks
By starring in midget porn flicks
Off-season the elves get their kicks
By starring in midget porn flicks
but to appear in the buff
is just not enough
the make extra by turning some tricks
It's a mistake to think its just snow
If its white and in Santa's Grotto
Sorry i know I shouldn't be completing my own limerick but its been over a month and i hate to see this thread go this long without being used.
It's a mistake to think its just snow
If its white and in Santa's Grotto
it helps elves at workstations
when making decorations
if they are out of their minds on pure blow
If ever you find you are the brunt
of a callous or malicious stunt
The best way to deal with a bully
Is to remonstrate very forcefully
Your tattoos of their Mum
On each cheek of your bum
Then run off down the nearest dark gully!
A good way of training your pig
Is to guide it along with a twig
A good way of training your pig
Is to guide it along with a twig
With a carrot attached
For the plan you have hatched
To teach it good manners when big.
***
Of all of my great foot-based fails,
When I refused to cut my toenails
Of all of my great foot-based fails,
When I refused to cut my toenails
They grew long and sharp
They made my wife carp
That in bed her poor shins they impales
Oh poor Donny, bereft of supporters
Now hunkers alone in his quarters
He should never have listened to Bannon
Or the crazy rantings of Q'Anon
With his failed insurrection
And Biden's election
He's the Republicans' last mastodon.
Melania should pack up and leave
The poor woman deserves a reprieve
Let's go on The Great Bigfoot Hunt
There's no way it could be a stunt
With methods painstaking
This grand undertaking
Will prove its worth self-evident!
We'll find a beast wild and hirsute!
(And not just some bloke in a suit)
We'll find a beast wild and hirsute!
(And not just some bloke in a suit)
We’ll blow-dry and brush
From his crown to his tush
Add ribbons and bows - oh how cute!
The fearsome and slavering beast
Looks up, gore-bespecked, from his feast
The fearsome and slavering beast
Looks up, gore-bespecked, from his feast
Gives a devilish grin
Innards drip from his chin
So that's Sundog's tea sorted, at least!
Peripart says he's not one to flirt
But he looks so darned good in a skirt
This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.