Blitz Limericks

[escargot]

No all men look good in a kilt
Some just aren't that way built

Dammit.

Try as I might, I can NOT finish this Limerick without straying into quite crass obscenity.

 

[GNC]

No all men look good in a kilt
Some just aren't that way built
They're simply abhorrent
When tartaned and sporraned
And please do not ask them to tilt.

***

While yelling and doing fist pumps
I tried out Olympic-style jumps

 

[Peripart]

No all men look good in a kilt
Some just aren't that way built

Dammit.

Try as I might, I can NOT finish this Limerick without straying into quite crass obscenity.

Then my work here is done.

 

[feen5]

While yelling and doing fist pumps
I tried out Olympic-style jumps
but its hard to halt
in mid somersault
wearing fishnets and fetching blue pumps

The sight of the ancient Greeks
running about in their bare cheeks

 

[IamSundog]

The sight of the ancient Greeks
running about in their bare cheeks
and bouncing tits
viewed by staid Brits
elicits many “Oh!”s and “Eeek!”s

Whereas Americans, quite puritanical,
Cloak the subject in metaphors botanical

 

[feen5]

Whereas Americans, quite puritanical,
Cloak the subject in metaphors botanical
and the results
of consenting adults
make their sex appear quite mechanical

'Wearing cloths and hiding ones bits'
Shouts Scargy, 'Its really the pits'

 

[GNC]

'Wearing cloths and hiding ones bits'
Shouts Scargy, 'Its really the pits'
But the Prince Albert of Feen
Doesn't need to be seen
We don't care how snugly it fits.

***

If these walls could talk, they would say
"We've stared at you enough today!"

 

[Peripart]

If these walls could talk, they would say
"We've stared at you enough today!
"Your disgusting habits
"Are worse than a rabbit's
"For goodness' sake - put it away!"

My technology's spying on me
It knows all that I do, think or see

 

[GNC]

My technology's spying on me
It knows all that I do, think or see
But I shouldn't moan
Because I'm not alone
It's looking at everyone, tee-hee.

***

I've decided - if the worst comes to worst
At least I'm better off than Fred Durst

 

[feen5]

I've decided - if the worst comes to worst
At least I'm better off than Fred Durst
a diet simplistic
just crumbs of limp bizkit
is a terrible way to be cursed

When casting a simplistic spell
its hard, the results to foretell,

 

[ChasFink]

When casting a simplistic spell
its hard, the results to foretell,
Will you summon a frog?
A razorback hog?
Or all of the Legions of Hell?
_________

Although I am wearing two masks
I'm still doing all of my tasks.

 

[IamSundog]

Although I am wearing two masks
I'm still doing all of my tasks.
The strain tends to drain
All the blood from my brain
So I snort oxygen from these flasks

My diminished air intake capacity
Seems to dictate compulsory chastity

 

[feen5]

My diminished air intake capacity
Seems to dictate compulsory chastity
my intake of air
is exceedingly rare
and does not lead to making love with vivacity

Its not easy to be ineffectual
during acts of a nature that's sexual

 

[IamSundog]

Its not easy to be ineffectual
during acts of a nature that's sexual
If you can’t upraise and
Rise to the occasion
Well, you won’t unless you expect you will

It never helps to overthink it
Stop trying! Relax! Shoot and sink it!