Blitz Limericks

escargot

Disciple of Marduk
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Innuendo is all very well
But when you have hard truths to tell
Just give us a grin
And then slip one in
Your erotomaniac villanelle!

Peripart knows a million rude phrases!
His glossary of scatalogy just amazes!
 

Peripart

Antediluvian
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Peripart knows a million rude phrases!
His glossary of scatalogy just amazes!
He's lacking in wit
But knows ten words for "shit"
And swears like those blokes from Oasis

They say that bad language ain't clever
But do I let that deter me - no, never!
 

feen5

Justified & Ancient
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They say that bad language ain't clever
But do I let that deter me - no, never!
I curse like a docker
or a wrinkly old rocker
So fu*k you if you don't like my endeavor

The power of being upfront
Can be mistaken for being just blunt
 

IamSundog

Not insane
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The power of being upfront
Can be mistaken for being just blunt
So please don’t object
I’m just being direct
When I call you a fat stupid c*nt

It’s a sign of how much I respect you
That I’m forthright in how I detest you
 

ChasFink

Abominable Snowman
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It’s a sign of how much I respect you
That I’m forthright in how I detest you
A fortnight's gone by
And no one did try
to end this poem - Radu Florescu

When posting here one should use care
That their limerick won't hang in the air
 

Peripart

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When posting here one should use care
That their limerick won't hang in the air
Sometimes the rhymes
Are virtually crimes
And don't seem to lead anywhere

So be fair to your fellow FT'ers
And your poem won't invite others' jeers
 

IamSundog

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So be fair to your fellow FT'ers
And your poem won't invite others' jeers
Well I think my two lines
Were actually fine
And therefore the problem must be yers

It causes me loss of felicity
As I morph ever more toward sphericity
 

ChasFink

Abominable Snowman
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It causes me loss of felicity
As I morph ever more toward sphericity
I'm now in transition
From muscle definition
To a physique that lacks specificity

My problem is one of temptation
I love eating foods from every nation
 

GNC

King-Sized Canary
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My problem is one of temptation
I love eating foods from every nation
Does Antarctica count?
I don't like how they flaunt
Ice cream as their own special creation.

***

Leaving Rendlesham Forest in despair
I was dismayed there was nobody there
 

feen5

Justified & Ancient
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Leaving Rendlesham Forest in despair
I was dismayed there was nobody there
I shone down my light
from a very great height
those humans are to easy to scare

So I powered up my time machine
it glows in vivid aquamarine
 

IamSundog

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So I powered up my time machine
it glows in vivid aquamarine
And when we arrive
In 1905
We’ll visit @GNC as a teen

I’ve finally perfected this tonic
That lets me reach speeds supersonic
 

escargot

Disciple of Marduk
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I’ve finally perfected this tonic
That lets me reach speeds supersonic
A futuristic project
With a pleasing effect
Just like an expensive colonic!


Hear those strange little rumbles and growls
As Feen otherwise silently prowls?
 

GNC

King-Sized Canary
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Hear those strange little rumbles and growls
As Feen otherwise silently prowls?
Don't call for your mummy
It's only his tummy
'Cause he needs to empty his bowels.

***

Do not fear the Covid pollution
When you have an iron constitution
 

droogiefret

Fresh Blood
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Do not fear the Covid pollution
When you have an iron constitution
There's a wisdom in that
I mean look at your cat..
OK, it's a piss poor solution.

----

However that vitamin D
Really will help your immunity
 

ChasFink

Abominable Snowman
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However that vitamin D
Really will help your immunity
But get it from sunlight
Too many pills just might
Make for quite excessive pee


When it comes to immunity enhancer
Vitamins may not be the answer
 

IamSundog

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When it comes to immunity enhancer
Vitamins may not be the answer
Get your Vitamin D
From the sun! All for free!
By being a habitual no-pantser


Insinuations of your senescence
Are undermined by your tumescence
 

feen5

Justified & Ancient
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Insinuations of your senescence
Are undermined by your tumescence
and you divulge
the size of your bulge
because of its bright iridescence

Should it really be shining that brightly
perhaps your pants are tied up to tightly
 
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