Board behaviour

dot23

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#1
I've noticed that I get into quite a few unpleasant arguments with people, and find myself insulting them without meaning to. If any of you met me socially (which hopefully we will one day) I think you'd be surprised at the difference between my onBoard behaviour and my real life character (ie. I'm much more polite in real life :blah: )

I wonder if it's because I don't feel threatened, or cannot pick up non-verbal communication which could make me hold my tongue. For instance I obviously managed to offend someone, and instead of appologising I probably insulted him more. Of course none of these insults are personal, as I don't no people enough to make personal comments, but they could still offend. Also easy mistakes like getting someones nationality wrong (not hard when people put witty things in the place: caption) their sex, age etc can contribute to unintentioned rudeness.

Has anyone else experienced this, do they notice that they act differently on the board, in emails etc, and do they have any theories about it?
 

_schnor

Abominable Snowman
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#2
I'm pretty much the same IRL than on forums, IRC, whatever. The problem is, I'm awful at picking up irony or sarcasm on-line, if someone was sarcy infront of me, that's fine - I'd get the joke, but when written down I just don't get it :eek:

I think that there's a tendancy to get a bit scared that you may have offended someone on-line without actually meaning to sound the same eg "I'm really sorry" sounds the same as "I'm really sorry" (and secretly not meaning it).

I'm hardly ever insulted or offended on-line as I'm never offended by anyone in real life, as TBH I don't really mind if someone I don't know has a go has a go at me, as 99.9% of the time, even people you don't like on-line are probably quite nice, normal, rational people but just act silly for some reason.

It also depends on how well you know the writing styles of people, some people sound quite hostile, but it's just the way they write and no offense is (rarely :p) intended.

I don't worry about it, if I ever do upset anyone, all they need to do is talk to me and if need be I'll apologise, or tell em to get stuffed :D
 
A

Anonymous

Guest
#3
Not really Dot, I'm pretty much the same in any situation. But I do miss the double meanings. I'll be talking to someone and suddenly they'll burst out laughing and I'm left wondering why. Then the penny will drop, or they'll tell me, and I'm like Doh! how could I miss that?

On the chat the other day I was talking to someone and the actress Sandra Dickinson came into the conversation. I'm sat there watching the text on screen, and something occurs to me and I type, "How come you never see like Sandra Dickindaughter?"

Now I just did not see the naughty side of this at all!! It was a genuine enquiry as to how you can have someone called, say Ivorson, but not Ivordaughter. I wondered why the other person left rather hurriedly. About an hour later I finally realised....:(

Gawd! I wished the ground had opened up and....... :p
 

dot23

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#4
NB: this was meant to be a general inquiry about how people felt they reacted to message boards/emails and the like, not so much about my personal feelings about the matter. I just used myself as the only (known) example.

I feel that it has a lot to do with the 'fake' chumminess on boards. That's not to say people aren't genuinely freindly, but as I said above, we don't really know anything about each other (other than our shared interest in forteana). As such we exhibit common courtesy (web etiquette) but this can quickly falter if someone oversteps the mark. What that mark is varies from person to person, but some are quicker to be offended than others. Of course, some people (luckily few) are just a**eholes who come here to flame and annoy people :(

As to F2's amusing anecdote, as far as I'm aware it's only the icelandic who use daughter as well as son (although it could be generally scandinavian). Bjork's a good example - her last names gotmundsdottir, as is annasdottir, our very own! I believe the origins lie in the difference between matriarchic and patriarchic societies.
 

carole

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#5
It is more difficult when you're not speaking with people face to face, you can't pick up nuances of meanings from their facial expressions, tone of voice, etc. And vice versa. A week or two ago I picked up on something one of our colleagues said, which he didn't intend to be sarcastic/insulting. But I was in a rather bad mood over something which had happened earlier that day and I over-reacted. I'f we'd been talking in a group down at the pub, either I'd have realised he was only joking or he'd have realised I was in a bad mood and not said anything.

Never mind, I think we all do pretty well really. And if anything does offend, we can always send a PM and sort it out.

I certainly find myself thinking before I type, or deleting something I've already typed because it might offend (unless I've had too much vino!)

I'm sure most people (trolls excepted) do not mean to offend and any provocative postings are only intended to stimulate discussion.

Carole
 

ninja_cat

Abominable Snowman
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#6
It is easy to feel offended/ offend by mistake when there is no visual stimulus to help us see the context of the statement. That's why smilies help to soften the blow a bit. Just thinking about what Unconvention would be like if everybody on the message board met. Could be fun?
 

dot23

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#7
definitely! I think it'd be great if we could all arrange to meet - maybe get mark P to describe a meeting point (as i've no idea what the lay out of the venue is). It's a shame, but I imagine a lot of our non-Uk brethren (and sistrine or whatever the word is!) will not be able to attend... Still maybe there'll be some digital connection (web cams etc) so we can communicate.
 

carole

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#9
I won't be able to make it to UnConvention:(

Maybe as many of us as possible could arrange to meet at some other time, somewhere in the middle of the UK, somewhere like Leicester (to grab a name out of a hat).

Does anyone living in the midlands have a huge house we could all descend upon one weekend?

Or, is there a nice, big haunted house we could take over for a weekend?:cool:

Carole
 
A

Anonymous

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#11
Do you really think I would go to an isolated house with you bunch of deviants???

Yes, you're right I would........
 

minordrag

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#12
I overreacted to one of Dot23s comments about "americanisation," because

1. I'm paranoid being an American amongst erstwhile Europeans. Once in Brussels, at a radio show, the host was asking the audience to be quiet and looked at us, saying "I know that will be expecially difficult for you loud Americans." Sheesh! and

2. I was feeling sorry for myself that my new thread had gone un-replied.

I admit these two vulnerabilities because most newbies need the "validation" of communication with such a seeminly tight-knit and enclosed community, and to illustrate that people bring baggage to the table that is entirely unknown to everyone else.

Now, as a joke, it's time to say something rude, but I can't think of anything. Oh yeah. "Nannynannybooboo, stick your head in doodoo."
 

minordrag

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#14
Ooops! What is the proper terminology? Surely not "Limeys!";)

I like finding out the derogatory (sp?) regional nicknames. One Canadian told me the worst you could get was calling one a "Canuck," but even that wasn't so bad. 'Round here, we don't much like being called "Redneck." In my travels, however, I discovered that EVERYBODY has their own brand of redneck!
 

_schnor

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#15
hmmm, I don't think there is a terminology for us - I suppose "oi! you bunch!" would be best :D

My gran has taken to calling me "erm....you!....yes, thingy!" as she forgets my name nowadays :(
 

dot23

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#16
offensive terms for 'brits':
'lager louts', 'beached whales', 'heathens' are some of my favourites. 'Sassanachs' - if your scots, 'Flatlanders' for the wlesh and 'Monarchist scum' if your northern Irish of a certain persuasion.

Have I offended everyone now :confused:
 
A

Anonymous

Guest
#17
I think that you get the diluted version of me on the message board because you can't hear me. I'm hyperactive and talk very fast and I do alot of bouncing around, waving my arms about and pulling faces to get my point across:)

When I type a message I think that I type it about three times just to make sure that I don't offend anyone. Oh, and I normally apologise if I'm about to say something that someone might take personally....y'see when you all meet me in real life that little safety net won't be there...

So....are you sure that this meeting up thing is a wise idea?

:rolleyes:

Maybe I should come in disguise....?
 

dot23

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#18
As long as you didn't wear a t-shirt that says 'Porn Star' on the front I don't s'pose anyone would know who you were ;)
 
A

Anonymous

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#19
Much freakiness!

I've got a few 'Porn Star' t shirts and......I'm wearing one now....... so can you see into my house dot23?

:cool:
 

dot23

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#20
That is indeed freaky - but not as much as you'd suppose...

I knew that remote viewing course would come in use sometime ;)
 
A

Anonymous

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#21
Waaa!

I guess you know that I don't need the T shirt to look like a porn star then...damn...cover blown again.....

In that case you already know what I look like so it would be only fair if you posted me a picture....;)
 

dot23

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#22
Alas, though my mental powers are strong, I exist only as a floating head, and thus cannot draw or be of any other ... use.

Shame

I'll give you a description though - 5'6'', light brow hair, brown eyes, prone to wearing boots that are way to large, like kitsh/cult items.

Anywhere near?
 
A

Anonymous

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#23
Well....yes....sort of......

Eyes are right....
The boots are almost right - though I'm sitting here in bare feet at the mo...
Height's wrong.
Hair's wrong.

Try again.....
 
A

Anonymous

Guest
#24
you've probably dyed your hair a few times, but are naturally blond. A little taller than 5' 6. You'd like to buy more of your clothes from "Cult", although DAMN! that place is expensive.
 

dot23

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#25
I wasn't necesarrily describing you

I'll give you a description though - 5'6'', light brow hair, brown eyes, prone to wearing boots that are way to large, like kitsh/cult items.
:)

I prefer, much like reading a book, to imagine the characters here my own way.

Anyone wanna psychic stab at my appearance?





(thought not) :(

PS goldarnit another oxfordite - should try cult cheapo shop next to Borders....
 
A

Anonymous

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#26
Originally posted by dot23

Anyone wanna psychic stab at my appearance?


go on then...i'll have another go....but I'm gonna charge for the next one.

Let me seee......hmmmmmm.....tricky one this...........

Short Black hair. Age 32. About five foot 6.


bit crap really aren't I?
 

dot23

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#27
about as accurate as a daisy-cutter Andy ;)

now I'll try you - White hair with a streak or raspberry, one arm longer than the other, dark shades, billowing cape - oh, sorry I was watching an anime film in my subconscious ;)
 
A

Anonymous

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#28
wrong film dot!

If you had said 500ft robot with little pointy horns, I'd have to give you a point. :D
 

dot23

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#29
I assume the ligghlt pointy horns are a reference to your hair - or that you are in fact a 500ft robot. It's very hard to find a keyboard that'll take the pressure of cow sized fists, so I assume the former.

PS you don't go to the Glouc do you?
 
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