My mother-in-law told me of the pet spider she had in their garage or shed when she was a girl. She'd let it crawl all over her arms and hands. :shock: Her mum didn't think much of it at first (except probably it was an odd pet for a girl) but one day her mum saw it and it was a black widow! Unfortunately, I don't remember how this ended, whether the spider got squashed or left to live but it creeps me out every time I think of it! :shock: My mother-in-law is a ballsy gal and this just proves she's been this way all her life! :lol:
- Joined
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- Messages
- 54,631
I knew we had previous spider threads (so to speak!) so did a search in Titles only - got 30 other threads besides this one!
http://www.forteantimes.com/forum/searc ... de=results
But oddly (perhaps this should be in Website issues) not all the titles have 'spider' in them! :shock:
But one was a good match despite this - Blizzards of cobwebs, and with other non-spider titles you can guess the relevence, though some are puzzling - Photo of a Will O Wisp?
So does the search function find Post titles as well as Topic titles? It looks like it.
http://www.forteantimes.com/forum/searc ... de=results
But oddly (perhaps this should be in Website issues) not all the titles have 'spider' in them! :shock:
But one was a good match despite this - Blizzards of cobwebs, and with other non-spider titles you can guess the relevence, though some are puzzling - Photo of a Will O Wisp?
So does the search function find Post titles as well as Topic titles? It looks like it.
A
Anonymous
Guest
I love spiders and hope to one day have a tarantula. 
I allow house spiders to live on my desk, by the TV, in the bathroom, etc..there's one that's been there for a couple of weeks by my TV. I can see it right now actually, it's in it's web turned on it's back. Mind you these are all very small, and eat the flour moths and gnats and other bugs that are harmful to my belongings, so don't be grossed out thinking of me surrounded with spiders, hehe.
I think I've only been bit by a spider once in my life, and it was one that had gotten into the bed with me. I wasn't scared at all, just aggravated that my leg was stinging some(it was like a very small mosquito bite. nothing special). I dunno, I've never had ANY fear of them, when I find them amongst objects I just nudge them onto a piece of paper and put them in a corner..I would smush a black widow or something else toxic though.
I allow house spiders to live on my desk, by the TV, in the bathroom, etc..there's one that's been there for a couple of weeks by my TV. I can see it right now actually, it's in it's web turned on it's back. Mind you these are all very small, and eat the flour moths and gnats and other bugs that are harmful to my belongings, so don't be grossed out thinking of me surrounded with spiders, hehe.
I think I've only been bit by a spider once in my life, and it was one that had gotten into the bed with me. I wasn't scared at all, just aggravated that my leg was stinging some(it was like a very small mosquito bite. nothing special). I dunno, I've never had ANY fear of them, when I find them amongst objects I just nudge them onto a piece of paper and put them in a corner..I would smush a black widow or something else toxic though.
In Australia we have huntsmen - enormous hunting spiders (funnily enough) which don't build webs, but roam around nomadically. They have an extremely irritating habit of getting into cars and then running across the windscreen/up legs etc, seemingly with the aim to cause nasty freeway pile-ups. They are harmless but horribly ugly and give me many a nightmare.
My mum and I are both arachnophobes (although I have improved to the point of being able to do the glass/cardboard trick rather than screaming for someone else to get rid of them, and I can't kill them, it's not their fault they are so terrifying!)
My mum had the misfortune to get one in her hair some time ago when I was little. Can you imagine - all those legs. She had been innocently sitting under a gum tree and one must have lost its footing, or else decided her head looked like a nice place to take a rest for awhile. I think she went temporarily insane. As anyone with long hair would know, it is difficult to dislodge anything that may find its way into your hair - I have a vague memory of her screaming and scrabbling at her head.
My brother went on holiday for a week leaving an obviously pregnant huntsman in his flat. When he came back, there were HUNDREDS of adolescent huntsmen adorning the walls and ceilings. The vaccum cleaner was put to good use that night.
UGH I am getting chills.
My mum and I are both arachnophobes (although I have improved to the point of being able to do the glass/cardboard trick rather than screaming for someone else to get rid of them, and I can't kill them, it's not their fault they are so terrifying!)
My mum had the misfortune to get one in her hair some time ago when I was little. Can you imagine - all those legs. She had been innocently sitting under a gum tree and one must have lost its footing, or else decided her head looked like a nice place to take a rest for awhile. I think she went temporarily insane. As anyone with long hair would know, it is difficult to dislodge anything that may find its way into your hair - I have a vague memory of her screaming and scrabbling at her head.
My brother went on holiday for a week leaving an obviously pregnant huntsman in his flat. When he came back, there were HUNDREDS of adolescent huntsmen adorning the walls and ceilings. The vaccum cleaner was put to good use that night.
UGH I am getting chills.
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As another Australian I fully understand the huntsman thing. In cars they are definitely the worst thinig possible that can run across the windscreen in heavy traffic!
When I was in about year 5 at school there was a huntsman on the ceiling and everyone was silently watching it, except for the kid sitting right under it. And yep, it dropped right on his head.
I don't mind huntsmen too much, it's the white-tails that give me the willies... perhaps this belongs under the UL thread, as I'm not sure if its true, but apparently white-tails rot your flesh if they bite you.
Now I had a friend who got bitten by one, and she has a shallow indent on her face because of it, so I am inclined to believe it. But I saw a talk at the reptile park (yes I'm a big kid) and the spider expert said that any 'necrosis' from white-tails is unproven....
When I was in about year 5 at school there was a huntsman on the ceiling and everyone was silently watching it, except for the kid sitting right under it. And yep, it dropped right on his head.
I don't mind huntsmen too much, it's the white-tails that give me the willies... perhaps this belongs under the UL thread, as I'm not sure if its true, but apparently white-tails rot your flesh if they bite you.
Now I had a friend who got bitten by one, and she has a shallow indent on her face because of it, so I am inclined to believe it. But I saw a talk at the reptile park (yes I'm a big kid) and the spider expert said that any 'necrosis' from white-tails is unproven....
A friend of mine, who is a paranoid schitzophrenic (really! He's on medication and everything! ), swears that there is a spider in the UK called a Teazel spider (which I don't think there is). Anyway, he says that these spiders can communicate telepathically and can "invade" your mind.
Don't say you haven't been warned!
), swears that there is a spider in the UK called a Teazel spider (which I don't think there is). Anyway, he says that these spiders can communicate telepathically and can "invade" your mind.Don't say you haven't been warned!
A
Anonymous
Guest
I was bitten by a white tail once. Cheeky thing dropped onto my neck from a light fixture. I wasn't amused, squashed it.
I also had a traumatic experience with a huntsman once. My place is right next to the bush, and on hot nights I'll have the door open. NAturally, a few bugs get in past the screen, including big chunky huntsmen, attracted by said bugs.
Anyway, one night I was playing a computer game. All the lights were off, the only light coming from my screen. The game was just some demonstration, but I was using it to take a break from an extremely creepy one(ref. Doom 3), which has some nasty, spider-like bad guys that love leaping out at you in it.
So I'm still a tad wired from fighting off the spiders, and then, across the monitor, the huntsman crawls. Right in front of my face. I almost had a heart attack(not for the first time that night) and backed off, turned on the light. I set about trying to find him(this is one of the few times I really wish I kept my desk in order). After AGES of poking around and trying to keep him from running under the monitor or wherever, I try to brush him onto the floor with a book.
That bugger simply leaped at said book, giving me another heart attack and causing me to fling it across the room. I also had to look for the damn thing again. After a bit I found it - it was hiding in plain sight, much like pens and documents that you need and then find right in front of you. Cue another cardiac arrest.
Finally, I slammed a can of deoderant onto the thing - forgetting that it was curved up on the bottom, so I only hurt it's legs. I then brought out a big hardcover role playing game book and splattered it with extreme predjudice.
I'm not really scared of spiders - but they're good at startling the heck outta you, especially after facing them in a creepy game. I'm always nervous about being bitten by a huntsman, they're not toxic but hurt badly.
I also had a traumatic experience with a huntsman once. My place is right next to the bush, and on hot nights I'll have the door open. NAturally, a few bugs get in past the screen, including big chunky huntsmen, attracted by said bugs.
Anyway, one night I was playing a computer game. All the lights were off, the only light coming from my screen. The game was just some demonstration, but I was using it to take a break from an extremely creepy one(ref. Doom 3), which has some nasty, spider-like bad guys that love leaping out at you in it.
So I'm still a tad wired from fighting off the spiders, and then, across the monitor, the huntsman crawls. Right in front of my face. I almost had a heart attack(not for the first time that night) and backed off, turned on the light. I set about trying to find him(this is one of the few times I really wish I kept my desk in order). After AGES of poking around and trying to keep him from running under the monitor or wherever, I try to brush him onto the floor with a book.
That bugger simply leaped at said book, giving me another heart attack and causing me to fling it across the room. I also had to look for the damn thing again. After a bit I found it - it was hiding in plain sight, much like pens and documents that you need and then find right in front of you. Cue another cardiac arrest.
Finally, I slammed a can of deoderant onto the thing - forgetting that it was curved up on the bottom, so I only hurt it's legs. I then brought out a big hardcover role playing game book and splattered it with extreme predjudice.
I'm not really scared of spiders - but they're good at startling the heck outta you, especially after facing them in a creepy game. I'm always nervous about being bitten by a huntsman, they're not toxic but hurt badly.
Iris
Justified & Ancient
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- May 22, 2004
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- 2,904
Lard did you know that the huntsmen love living in the door wells of the car? They get in through the little drain holes. My husband is paranoid about spiders so we never tell him if we see one in the car as he takes his hands off the wheel.... I'm always the one to take the spiders out with a glass and cardboard if they appear inside when it's going to rain.
Ah that makes sense. Maybe I will plug my car's drain holes (and then watch my doors rust off).
In regard to the original post, I have tried many times to communicate with animals, to no avail. Except with my cat, but I think she responded more to sensed emotions rather than words (although I strongly believe she understood the word "milk").
In regard to the original post, I have tried many times to communicate with animals, to no avail. Except with my cat, but I think she responded more to sensed emotions rather than words (although I strongly believe she understood the word "milk").
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- Feb 11, 2005
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- 34
Here in Kentucky we get these nice hamster-sized fellows in August and September. They have longitudinal black and yellow wavy stripes and build very large and tough webs. Unfortunately they have a habit of building between my auto and a nearby maple tree. At least once a year I end up doing an Oh-my-God arachnid dance in the predawn darkness before work. Wakes me up better'n coffee.
The fact that they are harmless doesn't seem to help.
Dib
The fact that they are harmless doesn't seem to help.
Dib
Human_84
Somewhat human
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- Mar 30, 2005
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- 1,330
Heres a storey about an abduction, and how the ladys life is changed for the better afterward:
http://www.abcfield.f9.co.uk/abduction/reality.html
She speaks of how she could talk and communicate to pretty much any animal she came across, omitting domesticated animals. She could communicate with wild animals only.
http://www.abcfield.f9.co.uk/abduction/reality.html
She speaks of how she could talk and communicate to pretty much any animal she came across, omitting domesticated animals. She could communicate with wild animals only.
Ringo
I like to not get involved in these matters
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- Feb 24, 2005
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- 3,022
- Location
- Stockholm
Me and the GF witnessed a huntsman in action during our trip down under. It was nestled in the corner of the room and sat watching us. Spiders are the one thing that I can't handle. Even looking at them turns my stomach. Anyway, the GF pushes me towards it with a glass in one hand and a plastic spatula in the other. As I get close enough, I see it night just fit in to the glass. The shivers are running down my spine even now. It was slowly flexing its legs as I reached forward to scoop it up. I swear I was close to fainting. It leaped from the wall towards me but didn't cover the right distance. It bounced off the cooker and laped again at the wall and fell in the gap between the wall and the cooker. It may a banging sound as it rattled down. I screamed like a little girl and ran around the kitchen table a good three times. We never saw it again but we used towels to block to the gap under the bedroom door that night.
I was also bitten by a spider in Oz. It left two small puncture marks and a purple rash spread up on my calf muscle. Our guide said it wasn't dangerous so I din't worry too much. I didn't see or feel the beastie that did it.
I was also bitten by a spider in Oz. It left two small puncture marks and a purple rash spread up on my calf muscle. Our guide said it wasn't dangerous so I din't worry too much. I didn't see or feel the beastie that did it.
Timble2
Imaginary Person
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- Location
- In a Liminal Zone
Can't find it at the moment, but I read somewhere that Huntsman spiders are about as intelligent as mice...which is pretty good going.
So not only are they creepy, if that's right, they're smart too...
I rather like spiders, as some else said earlier the house variety keep down the bugs you don't want
So not only are they creepy, if that's right, they're smart too...
I rather like spiders, as some else said earlier the house variety keep down the bugs you don't want
Ringo
I like to not get involved in these matters
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- Stockholm
Apologies for the quality of my previous post. I was talking on the telephone at the same time, hence all the spelling mistakes. I can't do two things at once! Even now, I'm holding my breath!
A
Anonymous
Guest
I myshelf Love my spiders....I have 16 little black baby spiders and one big ma ma spider in my room....and a host of cobe and spider webs to boot i hate all other bug But hornets (witch i have a kinship with) and my Little friend keep the pther bugs out of my room.....and yes i do feed them....As for my hornets I have 3 nest in my backyard....and i do enjoy ther buzzing......Im a Odd one.
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- Jan 9, 2004
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Yes! Nothing wrong with spiders or wasps...
A
Anonymous
Guest
personally I cannot stand spiders since I was attacked by one in India. I remember years go there was a kind of q&a section of the Daily Mail where people wrote in questions and the paper printed them so "specialists" could answer them. If my memory is correct someone wrote something along the lines of "why are so many people afraid of spiders" and this was answered by an entamologst (sp?) who gave a number of reasons. However at the end of his letter he wrote that after working with spiders for years he had come to the conclusion that they were from a different planet as there was nothing else like them on Earth.
Additionally was there not an episode of one foot in the grave where Victor is told that if you take a spider out of your house and ask it nicely not to come back it will stay outside (cue hilarious comedy going-ons)..
Additionally was there not an episode of one foot in the grave where Victor is told that if you take a spider out of your house and ask it nicely not to come back it will stay outside (cue hilarious comedy going-ons)..
A
Anonymous
Guest
sunsplash said:Yes! Nothing wrong with spiders or wasps...
Unless you are allergic to them. One single sting from a wasp ( or bee) and I am dead as a doornail. :splat:
A
Anonymous
Guest
Living in the foothills of appalachia, I am surrounded by all manner of snakes,spiders and wildlife. The wildlife doesn't get upset with my presence,dogs and cats are always drawn to me. But the insect world has declared me persona non grata since I was a child. If there is a swarm or nest of bees nearby,they WILL attack me, ticks,which I detest above nearly any other insect WILL decide I am a meal and get on me. I have awoke in the morning with a tick on my face and sometimes on my legs(shudder) I have been bitten five times by the brown recluse spider which is plentiful here, and swiped numerous brown and black widows off myself before they could sink their fangs in,one left a broken fang in my arm as I had gotten to it just in time to prevent full venom injection. I have to keep a venom pump and kit wherever I go because if one of these "enemies" of mine are near,you can count on them having me in their crosshairs.
Spiders and ticks get enormous here for some reason as do snakes.
Plenty of prey for them what with all the field mice and other walking hors de ovours walking about. But for some reason they will leave my wife alone and only go for me. I have had cottonmouths climb into my boat when fishing and litterally had to fight them out with an oar as they would stubbornly keep attacking me.
Brown recluse have a nasty bite that can rot your flesh in a few hours causing it to slough off in large pieces. If it were not for my being prepared I would have some really nasty scars. My kit is the same one used by the military and is quite effective, and will draw venom out with extreme prejudice.
Spiders and ticks get enormous here for some reason as do snakes.
Plenty of prey for them what with all the field mice and other walking hors de ovours walking about. But for some reason they will leave my wife alone and only go for me. I have had cottonmouths climb into my boat when fishing and litterally had to fight them out with an oar as they would stubbornly keep attacking me.
Brown recluse have a nasty bite that can rot your flesh in a few hours causing it to slough off in large pieces. If it were not for my being prepared I would have some really nasty scars. My kit is the same one used by the military and is quite effective, and will draw venom out with extreme prejudice.
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- Aug 7, 2001
- Messages
- 54,631
Haven't been following the board much recently, so I don't know if this has been posted elsewhere:
Don't commune too closely...!
Don't commune too closely...!
- Joined
- Aug 7, 2001
- Messages
- 54,631
And there's more!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/somerset/4499921.stm
Be afraid, be very afraid. :shock:
(I'm definitely staying this side of the Tamar... )
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/somerset/4499921.stm
From the radio it seems there's some doubt about whether it can survive here, but with the summer coming on its chances may not be zero...
Be afraid, be very afraid. :shock:
(I'm definitely staying this side of the Tamar...
)
- Joined
- Aug 7, 2001
- Messages
- 54,631
There's something odd about this story.
According to the first report, it was the mobile phone photo, faxed to the zoo, which resulted in the spider identification.
In the second story, the spider is taken to the hospital too (why?) and then released - after being identified as one of the most deadly arachnids in the world?
Cock-up rather than conspiracy, I suppose.
Ha hah!
As I wrote that, a spider crawled down the wall behind the computer!
According to the first report, it was the mobile phone photo, faxed to the zoo, which resulted in the spider identification.
In the second story, the spider is taken to the hospital too (why?) and then released - after being identified as one of the most deadly arachnids in the world?
Cock-up rather than conspiracy, I suppose.
Ha hah!
As I wrote that, a spider crawled down the wall behind the computer!
Apologies if this has been said before but house spiders aka hunting spiders go looking for prey and don't wait for it to come to them.
As to the chef bitten by the spider behind the fridge - house spiders can give a nasty bite and I know of 2 people who have been bitten by them. Could this chef have an allergy to the bite of tegenaria domestica ? Even so I am glad I don't live near that hospital. :shock:
As to the chef bitten by the spider behind the fridge - house spiders can give a nasty bite and I know of 2 people who have been bitten by them. Could this chef have an allergy to the bite of tegenaria domestica ? Even so I am glad I don't live near that hospital. :shock:
- Joined
- Jun 24, 2004
- Messages
- 11
This sentence scared me until I reread it.Dingo666 said:
:shock:
TMSOffline
used to live in an old farmhouse......80 year old gardens......a path that we had to use was always spider webbed...untill one evening i asked the them if,in the cause of living together in harmony,would they mind keeping the path clear so we could walk it and not have to destruct there webs......
we never had a problem from that night on....i lived there for a further 4 years....
true story.
used to live in an old farmhouse......80 year old gardens......a path that we had to use was always spider webbed...untill one evening i asked the them if,in the cause of living together in harmony,would they mind keeping the path clear so we could walk it and not have to destruct there webs......
we never had a problem from that night on....i lived there for a further 4 years....
true story.
luvpixie
Junior Acolyte
- Joined
- Apr 23, 2005
- Messages
- 73
Didn`t some ancient goddess religions think spiders and snakes were sacred and things to be revered because they shed thier skins every month in the same way that women shed thier womb linings(yuk.sorry)every month......Or maybe I dreamed that one..........anyway...my grandma told me this.......
If you want to live and thrive
Let a spider run alive......
Meaning that it`s considered bad luck to kill one.
I luv speeders me! :lol:
If you want to live and thrive
Let a spider run alive......
Meaning that it`s considered bad luck to kill one.
I luv speeders me! :lol:
I have always loved spiders.I have a particularly large one living in a web in my back garden that I feed regularly.I have even named her Lillith.Most of my family are absolutely terrified of spiders and wont even look at her when they come round.They think Im a little odd (But then they have thought that for years LOL )
Bob the Spider (Long but very funny)
I don't know how to contact the author of this piece but, he used to post in usenet. I don't think he'd mind it being reposted here, as there is no identifying information, except for Bob, of course. I suspect he's dead anyway, and I doubt his relatives will claim royalties, for fear of being exposed as having a coke fiend ancestor:
'' ':!:' :lol::lol: :lol: :lol: ':!:' ''
One night (or was it morning, such trivial distinctions), after a
particularly long stint with some of Columbia's finest, I found myself
mining, er, uh, inspecting, yeah, inspecting, the carpeted nether
regions of my room for anything which seemed out of place (i.e. not in
my pleural tissues).
As I crept and crawled my way into oblivion, I suddenly became aware of
a distinct arachnid presence, not more than inches away from my clenched
body. I was in a rather frazzled mood to begin with, and becoming
startled by the spider didn't help.
After I regained my composure (it's amazing what one can accomplish when
there work to perform towards a definite, even if not one hundred
percent guarrantied goal), I decided to refer to said spider by what I
intuitively felt to be his name.
His name is Bob, and he is one of the typical spiders which I find at
random intervals throughout my house, no doubt descended from a long
line of his relatives, who have undoubtedly inhabited this domicile I
call my home for a much longer time than I may ever truly realize. He
is not the largest spider I have found in my home, neither is he the
most agitated, nor may I say, agitating. His body is about a quarter
inch (5mm) in diameter, and with his legs out, perhaps about an inch
across. He is fuzzy, with hairy legs, and a nice tannish series of
markings on his back. A working spider.
On a personal note, I really have the heebie-jeebies when it comes to
spiders. I don't really hate them, per se, but they are fast, somewhat
unpredictable (until you get to know them), hairy, capable of inflicting
pain into my fleshy mass, and that whole eight legs thing kind of gives
me the creeps. This is not to say that I am cruel to my arachnid
brethren; conversely, I usually make an urgent, if not frantic effort to
escort them outside of my quarters, often at least to an undisclosed
location at least several houses away down the street. It is important
to have good spider karma.
Back to my story. Several fun filled days later, I found myself in much
the same situation as I sound myself at the beginning of this quip,
namely, intently scouring a corner of my room looking for "the one that
got away," whereupon I noticed an intricate mass of webbing neatly
adhering itself in the junction of two walls.
I had found Bob's home.
In much the same way in which I would respond if I found a large
irrational creature poised intently outside of my home, Bob presented
himself at his threshold, evaluated the immediate situation, and then
quickly retreated into the relative safety of his web. Realizing that
we perhaps felt the same way towards each other, I gave salutations
towards Bob, and in a soft, unassuming voice, reassured him that I
accepted his presence and therefore presented no danger towards either
him or his family, should he decide to start one.
As you can no doubt assume at this point, I as rather wont towards
anthropomorphism in those critters with whom I share a common
surrounding. It is, as with most all things really, all in my head.
But then it got weird, in a manifest way.
Cut to several days later, whereupon you may find me at my desk, busily
enjoying a nicely sized stash procured the previous day (and not to run
out for another 48 hours).
As I sit mesmerized with the patterns developing on my computer screen
(courtesy of < http://www.noah.org/acidwarp/>; if you like to see
things, you will like this), I once again become intimately aware of a
spider which has sat down beside me.
It was Bob, of course. Same size, same markings, same Bob, through and
through.
At first, I almost felt a bit startled, but something about the
situation seemed somehow appropriate. After all, we had encountered
each other before, and I had been up close and personal with his
favorite haunt as well.
My first reaction to this situation was to blow a quick breath in Bob's
general direction, and encourage him to scurry away, but I did not do
this.
"Hey, Bob, what's up, man? You checking me out, dude? Gonna hang with
old Rodg for a while?"
I felt I had found a new friend, and, as friends often do, discovered
that Bob had seemingly taken it upon himself to share in my hobby.
BOB WAS SITTING RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF MY STASH!!!!!
I couldn't believe it! Now, while I have had my share of hallucispiders
(c) before, this was real, man. Fucking orgasm during sex without a
condomn style real.
I sat there, looking at Bob for quite a while (20- 30 minutes, at
least). During this time, he was deathly still, to the point where I
must admit I did get a bit worried. Had I caused the demise of my newly
found friend? I hoped not.
As time had elapsed since my initial awareness of Bob's presence, I felt
the need to pay my dues towards the keep away from Mr. Jones game that
all of us rock hounds inevitably play. While I held in my butter, I
realized that perhaps it would be good of me to share my ingestion with
Bob, and I could evaluate his living status at the same time.
I gently, lovingly, and with the desire not to startle my good amigo
exhaled my plume onto Bob, letting the fullness of my joy descend upon
his arachnid form.
Bob lifted himself up, then lowered himself back down. Up, down. Up,
down, like some type of spider workout at the late night gym. He turned
to face me, then turned ALL THE WAY AROUND, then resumed his previous
position at my stash.
It was undoubtedly one of the weirdest things I have ever experienced in
my sequence this time here on earth. I actually felt that I had made a
connection between myself and a form of life which, for all rights, I
should never be able to make a connection with. I mean, Bob is a
spider, instinctual and predatory, based upon the most basic of
reactions to his world, and here he is, seemingly getting off on me and
my dope!
Anyway, to make a long story short, I went back to gazing into my
monitor, and the next time that I looked, Bob had vacated my stash,
probably having gone home to sleep it off.
While I have undoubtedly attempted to relate this story in a rather
fantastical way, it is the God's honest truth. Only my name was changed
to protect my innocence. This really happened, and occurred sometime
during the second week of November 1999. Several times since then I
have found my rock pile to be somewhat less than I had remembered it,
and I intuitively call out to Bob, querying him as to whether or not it
was he who raided my stash.
He never says a word in response, though.
I don't know how to contact the author of this piece but, he used to post in usenet. I don't think he'd mind it being reposted here, as there is no identifying information, except for Bob, of course. I suspect he's dead anyway, and I doubt his relatives will claim royalties, for fear of being exposed as having a coke fiend ancestor:
'
' ':!:' :lol::lol: :lol: :lol: ':!:' '' One night (or was it morning, such trivial distinctions), after a
particularly long stint with some of Columbia's finest, I found myself
mining, er, uh, inspecting, yeah, inspecting, the carpeted nether
regions of my room for anything which seemed out of place (i.e. not in
my pleural tissues).
As I crept and crawled my way into oblivion, I suddenly became aware of
a distinct arachnid presence, not more than inches away from my clenched
body. I was in a rather frazzled mood to begin with, and becoming
startled by the spider didn't help.
After I regained my composure (it's amazing what one can accomplish when
there work to perform towards a definite, even if not one hundred
percent guarrantied goal), I decided to refer to said spider by what I
intuitively felt to be his name.
His name is Bob, and he is one of the typical spiders which I find at
random intervals throughout my house, no doubt descended from a long
line of his relatives, who have undoubtedly inhabited this domicile I
call my home for a much longer time than I may ever truly realize. He
is not the largest spider I have found in my home, neither is he the
most agitated, nor may I say, agitating. His body is about a quarter
inch (5mm) in diameter, and with his legs out, perhaps about an inch
across. He is fuzzy, with hairy legs, and a nice tannish series of
markings on his back. A working spider.
On a personal note, I really have the heebie-jeebies when it comes to
spiders. I don't really hate them, per se, but they are fast, somewhat
unpredictable (until you get to know them), hairy, capable of inflicting
pain into my fleshy mass, and that whole eight legs thing kind of gives
me the creeps. This is not to say that I am cruel to my arachnid
brethren; conversely, I usually make an urgent, if not frantic effort to
escort them outside of my quarters, often at least to an undisclosed
location at least several houses away down the street. It is important
to have good spider karma.
Back to my story. Several fun filled days later, I found myself in much
the same situation as I sound myself at the beginning of this quip,
namely, intently scouring a corner of my room looking for "the one that
got away," whereupon I noticed an intricate mass of webbing neatly
adhering itself in the junction of two walls.
I had found Bob's home.
In much the same way in which I would respond if I found a large
irrational creature poised intently outside of my home, Bob presented
himself at his threshold, evaluated the immediate situation, and then
quickly retreated into the relative safety of his web. Realizing that
we perhaps felt the same way towards each other, I gave salutations
towards Bob, and in a soft, unassuming voice, reassured him that I
accepted his presence and therefore presented no danger towards either
him or his family, should he decide to start one.
As you can no doubt assume at this point, I as rather wont towards
anthropomorphism in those critters with whom I share a common
surrounding. It is, as with most all things really, all in my head.
But then it got weird, in a manifest way.
Cut to several days later, whereupon you may find me at my desk, busily
enjoying a nicely sized stash procured the previous day (and not to run
out for another 48 hours).
As I sit mesmerized with the patterns developing on my computer screen
(courtesy of < http://www.noah.org/acidwarp/>; if you like to see
things, you will like this), I once again become intimately aware of a
spider which has sat down beside me.
It was Bob, of course. Same size, same markings, same Bob, through and
through.
At first, I almost felt a bit startled, but something about the
situation seemed somehow appropriate. After all, we had encountered
each other before, and I had been up close and personal with his
favorite haunt as well.
My first reaction to this situation was to blow a quick breath in Bob's
general direction, and encourage him to scurry away, but I did not do
this.
"Hey, Bob, what's up, man? You checking me out, dude? Gonna hang with
old Rodg for a while?"
I felt I had found a new friend, and, as friends often do, discovered
that Bob had seemingly taken it upon himself to share in my hobby.
BOB WAS SITTING RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF MY STASH!!!!!
I couldn't believe it! Now, while I have had my share of hallucispiders
(c) before, this was real, man. Fucking orgasm during sex without a
condomn style real.
I sat there, looking at Bob for quite a while (20- 30 minutes, at
least). During this time, he was deathly still, to the point where I
must admit I did get a bit worried. Had I caused the demise of my newly
found friend? I hoped not.
As time had elapsed since my initial awareness of Bob's presence, I felt
the need to pay my dues towards the keep away from Mr. Jones game that
all of us rock hounds inevitably play. While I held in my butter, I
realized that perhaps it would be good of me to share my ingestion with
Bob, and I could evaluate his living status at the same time.
I gently, lovingly, and with the desire not to startle my good amigo
exhaled my plume onto Bob, letting the fullness of my joy descend upon
his arachnid form.
Bob lifted himself up, then lowered himself back down. Up, down. Up,
down, like some type of spider workout at the late night gym. He turned
to face me, then turned ALL THE WAY AROUND, then resumed his previous
position at my stash.
It was undoubtedly one of the weirdest things I have ever experienced in
my sequence this time here on earth. I actually felt that I had made a
connection between myself and a form of life which, for all rights, I
should never be able to make a connection with. I mean, Bob is a
spider, instinctual and predatory, based upon the most basic of
reactions to his world, and here he is, seemingly getting off on me and
my dope!
Anyway, to make a long story short, I went back to gazing into my
monitor, and the next time that I looked, Bob had vacated my stash,
probably having gone home to sleep it off.
While I have undoubtedly attempted to relate this story in a rather
fantastical way, it is the God's honest truth. Only my name was changed
to protect my innocence. This really happened, and occurred sometime
during the second week of November 1999. Several times since then I
have found my rock pile to be somewhat less than I had remembered it,
and I intuitively call out to Bob, querying him as to whether or not it
was he who raided my stash.
He never says a word in response, though.