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Out Of Place Crumpet

I don't like it when people drown crumpets in butter. I prefer a light coating - a delicate golden glaze, not a molten fatty lake. And why burn your crumpet? You'll ruin the subtle aftertaste - the sublime blend of daffodils on a warm summers day mixed with the faint aroma of brand new tyres.

Muffins, on the other hand, have no subtlety. They're far too floury. Far too starchy. Fill them full of jam and cheap margarine and feed them to children or dogs. That's all they're fit for.
 
graylien said:
I don't like it when people drown crumpets in butter. I prefer a light coating - a delicate golden glaze, not a molten fatty lake. And why burn your crumpet? You'll ruin the subtle aftertaste - the sublime blend of daffodils on a warm summers day mixed with the faint aroma of brand new tyres.
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Because if you don't almost burn it you have to chew the things for hours before they go down. And the butter must saturate the crumpet so it runs down your fingers while you eat.

I can see this turning nasty. The Crumpet Wars they'll be calling it in years to come. :(
 
graylien said:
Muffins, on the other hand, have no subtlety. They're far too floury. Far too starchy. Fill them full of jam and cheap margarine and feed them to children or dogs. That's all they're fit for.
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That's muffinist, that is. Replace "muffin" with "scone" or "waffle" and you'll see how prejudiced you sound.
 
crumpets are rubbish
If i was walking along with one i would heave it over some buggers garden
with great delight.


Crumpets indeed? I mean, what are they even made from?
they are quite anomalous in their own right. I heard one crashed in the
new mexico desert but before they could examine the wreckage someone
replaced it with a much less panic inducing shredded muffin. the top boffins
at area 51 are still studying the original and reckon it probably crashed as a
result of too much marmite... which is also rubbish
 
Crumpets

Milk23

crumpets are rubbish
If i was walking along with one i would heave it over some buggers garden
with great delight.
Click to expand...

Ah, but if ye hate them so much, why would ye be walking out with one? Eh? Eh?

Methinks thou hast a secret love of crumpets but dare not admit to it!

Fear not, you are among friends.....
 
Wait 'till you see Minda's crumpet bikini! :D
 
:D I'm quite looking forward to finding out about it myself!
 
Crumpet update !!!

Just thought I'd mention: Today, whilst buying lunch at the supermarket, I noticed a discarded packet of crumpets laying untouched on the side of the checkout. They just sat there.

Yep, that's all. Sorry.
 
I cannot read this thread without thinking of the Fast Show sketch 'Confessions of a door to door cucumber salesman'. For those who have not seen it Mark Williams and Jon Thompsons characters are leaning against a car after seeing Charlie Higsons cucumber salesman go into a womens house..

MW - 'I love Crumpet'
JT - 'I'd love a bit of crumpet to'
MW - 'Come on lets get some crumpet'
 
feen5 said:
I cannot read this thread without thinking of the Fast Show sketch 'Confessions of a door to door cucumber salesman'.
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Which reminds me of Ken Dodd...

"What a wonderful day for sticking a cucumber through next-door's letterbox and shouting: 'The Martians are coming!!'"
 
The word crumpet is one of only 12 Welsh words to have found its way into the English language. :roll:
 
I once sent someone a cucumber through the post with a note which read, "Look out, the Martians are coming!"

The recipient was not amused.
 
Timble2 said:
feen5 said:
I cannot read this thread without thinking of the Fast Show sketch 'Confessions of a door to door cucumber salesman'.
Click to expand...

Which reminds me of Ken Dodd...

"What a wonderful day for sticking a cucumber through next-door's letterbox and shouting: 'The Martians are coming!!'"
Click to expand...

Thanks for that, Timble - it made me laugh out loud! :lol:
 
luvpixie said:
The word crumpet is one of only 12 Welsh words to have found its way into the English language. :roll:
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But surely it's French and needs to be pronounced 'crump-ay'?
 
Yes, along with "pike-lay" and "moo-fan". I'm quite partial to a croysant myself.
 
OldTimeRadio said:
A schoolboy peeks into his packed lunch on the way to school, discovers a crumpet, hates crumpets, and so gives it a toss a far as he can.
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If I had a shortlist--or even a very long list--of items likely to feature in a schoolboy's packed lunch, crumpets would not be on it.
 
Up here in the dark northern corners of Mercia, they are called Pikelets or Griddle-cakes. Crumpet??? now that sounds like a musical instrument (Kinda like a Trumpet with a bend in it). On finding a Piikelet (or Crumpet) in your garden the correct thing to do was to place an ad in the paper, drawing attention to the fact that you have found a Pikelet (Or crumpet) that's missing its owner.
 
This morning, I had two poached eggs on crumpets if anyone is interested.
The yolk sinks into the crumpet holes making the whole thing very flavoursome. Only missing a bit of crispy streaky bacon to make the morning complete but you can’t have everything can you?
 
So this thread's got nothing to do with Benny Hill or Carry On films then?
(sighs disappointedly).
 
Analogue Boy said:
This morning, I had two poached eggs on crumpets if anyone is interested.
The yolk sinks into the crumpet holes making the whole thing very flavoursome. Only missing a bit of crispy streaky bacon to make the morning complete but you can’t have everything can you?
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Yes, yes you can have it all, get some streaky - the supermarkets are still open.
My problem is I don't have a grill and my toaster just doesn't understand crumpets.
 
Damien said:
Up here in the dark northern corners of Mercia, they are called Pikelets or Griddle-cakes. Crumpet??? now that sounds like a musical instrument (Kinda like a Trumpet with a bend in it). On finding a Piikelet (or Crumpet) in your garden the correct thing to do was to place an ad in the paper, drawing attention to the fact that you have found a Pikelet (Or crumpet) that's missing its owner.
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I though that a Pikelet was similar to a Crumpet but not the same?

Pikelet is thinner, with rounded smooth edges, whereas a Crumpet has more depth and a strange almost chalky aftertaste?

(I don't know anything about Griddle Cakes).

If you have not tried it, have a go at Injura, an Ethiopian/Eritrean savoury bread which is slightly moist and spongy with a slight vinegary smell.
It too has holes in to capture the sauce of the main food on top of it.
You tear off strips about the length of you hand, grab a chunk of meat/vegetable and let the sauce sink into the bread.
The main portions being quite small, several different ones are served on a large plate to provide a balance of flavours and nutrition, the plate itself is covered in Injura.
It's a clever idea and it works.

640px-Alicha_1.jpg
 
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Analogue Boy said:
This morning, I had two poached eggs on crumpets if anyone is interested.
The yolk sinks into the crumpet holes making the whole thing very flavoursome. Only missing a bit of crispy streaky bacon to make the morning complete but you can’t have everything can you?
Click to expand...
Poaching eggs properly is an artform that only a select few possess. It can so easily go wrong. A few seconds too long and it's ruined. Do you put vinegar in the water? They're always saying you should, but I tried it again the other day and it made no difference.
 
Floyd1 said:
Poaching eggs properly is an artform that only a select few possess. It can so easily go wrong. A few seconds too long and it's ruined. Do you put vinegar in the water? They're always saying you should, but I tried it again the other day and it made no difference.
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I do put vinegar in the water. Apparently salt contributes to the white frizzies so maybe sprinkle some on after poaching.
 
oweny29 said:
Two problems with that idea:

1. It was too big, I mean this crumpet was about the circumference of a large cup, and I'd imagine far too heavy for a bird to carry mid-air.

2. It was toasted. That means it was inside somebody's house, and the bird would have had to get inside that house, steal the crumpet, and fly off with it.
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Tell that to a Cornish seagull, they can carry off a pasty given a chance
 
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