'Doffing One's Hat' As A Funeral Cortege Passes

[escargot]

I drove past a house the other day where there was a hearse with a coffin in parked outside, and lots of people standing around in black. I had a vague memory that cars slow down to show respect as they drive past, so I did so, feeling sorry for the family and sending good vibes their way. It was only after I thought they may have just thought I was being a busybody and slowing down to be nosy. I hope they didn't think that.

I once had to slow some old banger to a crawl when passing some badly-parked cars and a small crowd.

Didn't mind as I was enjoying the novelty of a working cassette player, treating myself to an ear-splitting rendition of Ray Parker Jnr's Ghostbusters and singing along happily.

As I drove slowly past a funeral party.

 

[Feech23]

Its common practice in Ireland to bless yourself as a funeral passes you. Also old city families like relations of mine can walk through a very busy area behind a hearse to the graveyard maybe for a few kms, I did this myself this summer. Returning from holidays in Cork earlier this year as I neared my mother's home in Galway there was a man on the road holding up traffic as a neighbour (I remembered him from childhood) was being brought from the local nursing home to his house to be waked. I pulled the car in and myself and my wife got out and stood respectively beside our car as the man's coffin was carried along the road to his house for the last time.

 

[PeteS]

Its common practice in Ireland to bless yourself as a funeral passes you. Also old city families like relations of mine can walk through a very busy area behind a hearse to the graveyard maybe for a few kms, I did this myself this summer. Returning from holidays in Cork earlier this year as I neared my mother's home in Galway there was a man on the road holding up traffic as a neighbour (I remembered him from childhood) was being brought from the local nursing home to his house to be waked. I pulled the car in and myself and my wife got out and stood respectively beside our car as the man's coffin was carried along the road to his house for the last time.

Funerals are a peculiar event. I had to walk at the head of a procession in front of the hearse and probably a hundred people through a busy part of a town. Made a grim day a touch grimmer.

 

[Stormkhan]

Funerals and customs are a fascinating subject. But, in most cultures, they are to demonstrate a feeling of loss of a respected person (doffing the cap), a reminder of ones own immortality, and the "Thank God, it could've been me".
Even in these days of a lightening of ceremony or unusual ceremonies, these considerations remain.
My own experiences? Processing behind a horse-drawn hearse carrying my Mother-in-Law about a mile in deserted countryside from the care home where she died to the tiny village where she had lived and was buried. A definite gesture ... to no one apart from the few mourners.

Carrying the coffin of my eldest son to the bier. Sure, it was heart-breaking and emotional and the other pallbearers were his older half-sister and four of his mates. It took some minutes for the 'professional' pallbearers to arrange us into a suitable 'team' and brief us on how to do it smoothly.

 

[Swifty]

When my grandma died, back in the late 1970s, my sister and I were left with a neighbour whilst the funeral took place. I remember standing in her front room with the curtains closed as the cortege left, and her telling us that this was a sign of respect. Quite a few houses along the street similarly had their curtains shut. (And then I remember going back into my grandfather's house with the neighbour and my older sister, and my sister and I drinking all the sherry that people had left in their glasses. Burgeoning alcoholics at 8 and 11...)

When my husband's grandmother died, mid 90s, I recollect seeing, from the funeral car, an old man pausing on the pavement and bowing his head as the cortege passed. This was in Liverpool.

Certainly if I was to encounter a funeral cortege whilst I was on foot, I would stop and bow my head because it seems the 'right' thing to do.

When we were all at my Mum's cremation (during lockdown so we all had to social distance from each other) and just before her coffin was about to go behind the curtain, one of the pall bearers (who by the way looked like chop top, the baddie with the deadly bowler hat from the Bond film) unexpectedly walked back to her coffin and politely bow nodded his head to her coffin before leaving the church. I think his company probably do that at all the services, I don't know, I've been to a few cremations and not seen that done before but it brought me a lot of comfort seeing that. It didn't cost them anything extra to do that, it was just respectful and I hope more funeral companies start doing that for other families.

 

[LymeswoldSnork]

Funerals and customs are a fascinating subject. But, in most cultures, they are to demonstrate a feeling of loss of a respected person (doffing the cap), a reminder of ones own immortality, and the "Thank God, it could've been me".

I've read elsewhere about the collar-touching superstition which several posters have mentioned; it was definitely to ward off bad luck rather than a sign of respect. It could be triggered by a passing ambulance as well as a hearse. There was an associated rhyme: "Touch yer collar, never swaller, never catch the fever".

Checking the details before posting this, I've discovered that people sometimes added "Touch your toes, touch your nose, never go in one of those", and that you might have felt it necessary to hold your collar and refrain from swallowing not only until the ominous vehicle had passed, but until you next saw a dog.

Perhaps the basic gestures could be explained by the symptoms of a particularly prevalent and dangerous fever beginning with a sore throat. No idea about the dog; maybe you could pass the "curse" onto it?

 

[Fluttermoth]

I'm sure I've mentioned this before, obviously not on this thread, but I saw a young-ish (late 20s?) hipster-type chap take his cap off and bow his head while a funeral car went past a couple of years ago, so it is still done.

 

[Stormkhan]

The habit of hat-wearing as a matter of course has slowly reduced.
It was a generational thing, I think. I, myself, feel 'wrong' to go outside without any head-covering. The old traditions, such as removing your hat when entering a dwelling, pub or whatever, are being left behind. Now baseball caps are common, the people who wear them have lost the habits associated with headgear.
Doffing it to a funeral might be an extension of taking your hat of when entering a church or chapel.

 

[Carse]

At every railway fatality I’ve attended the undertakers (from different firms) have always bowed their heads with great dignity as they place the body bag into the coffin and again when they load the coffin into the private ambulance. It’s quite touching to see. Although my most recent one in July was a bit surreal as they turned up in a twenty year old volvo V70 estate with the back seats folded down and draped a tartan travel rug over the coffin after they slid it in.

 

[Swifty]

The habit of hat-wearing as a matter of course has slowly reduced.
It was a generational thing, I think. I, myself, feel 'wrong' to go outside without any head-covering. The old traditions, such as removing your hat when entering a dwelling, pub or whatever, are being left behind. Now baseball caps are common, the people who wear them have lost the habits associated with headgear.
Doffing it to a funeral might be an extension of taking your hat of when entering a church or chapel.

The vicar who held my Mum's service was a friend of my Mum's so he came to the wake at a local pub. He complimented me on a hat I was wearing so I took it off and plonked it on his head instead. He was a good laugh so he wore it.

 

[Stormkhan]

I'd highly recommend Caitlin Doughty - she of the Ask A Mortician YT channel - for a fairly well-researched take on funeral customs.