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Funny And/Or Weird Happenings Whilst Drunk (Stoned; Tripping; Etc.)

escargot

Disciple of Marduk
Joined
Aug 24, 2001
Messages
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After my work's drunken fiasco of a xmas party on Saturday there have been delighted discussions today about the pee-ridden aftermath.

Just about everyone* wet their pants, bed, taxi seat or neighbour's lawn. :D

*Except me. I was driving. :(
 
Oh I dunno, the drinking culture here is deeply ingrained. The consensus is that if you don't wet at least your pants then you haven't had a good night out.

One silly mare came into work with a black and blue face, having fallen down the toilet while vomiting into it. This was after wetting the bed while sitting on it and then being undressed by her partner.

He went off to get a fresh sheet and she headed off again, this time on all fours, her naked crawl to the bathroom leaving a trail of wee.

Champagne, white wine and that Jaeger-bomb stuff. Next time she might throw in a bottle of carpet cleaner and a precautionary rubber sheet. :lol:
 
One of the stranger drunken events I've witnessed was an unconscious woman waking from the floor, marching automatically over to the kitchen sink (not hers), hopping up in a weirdly smooth movement and urinating into it - oblivious to a room full of spectators.

One minute later she was asleep on the floor again.

It was the automatic quality of the whole thing that seemed incongruous; almost as if she came there and did the same thing every night.
 
If people get that drunk, it's gone too far.
I gave up drinking to the point where I was unconscious-drunk when I woke one morning and didn't remember how I'd got back from the pub.
It worried me...and of course, I had to clean up the bedroom - which had sick all over the place. Never again!
 
A university friend of mine, after a night of intense studying the bottoms of pint glasses and the underside of bar tables, awoke to discover that his trousers were somehow glued to his legs. Further investigation revealed that he had puke on the inside of his kecks. :eek:
He finally deduced that in his pixillated state, he'd gone to the toilet to lay a beer cable, thrown up mid-operation into his jeans, then pulled them back up! :D
 
I once managed to take off my jeans over my boots, when I woke up in the morning (still drunk) the heels sent me slightly off balance. I fell down the stairs..broke my wrist! Don't drink so much now.
 
Oh I dunno, the drinking culture here is deeply ingrained. The consensus is that if you don't wet at least your pants then you haven't had a good night out.

One silly mare came into work with a black and blue face, having fallen down the toilet while vomiting into it. This was after wetting the bed while sitting on it and then being undressed by her partner.

He went off to get a fresh sheet and she headed off again, this time on all fours, her naked crawl to the bathroom leaving a trail of wee.

Champagne, white wine and that Jaeger-bomb stuff. Next time she might throw in a bottle of carpet cleaner and a precautionary rubber sheet. :lol:
Just to let you know, I am literally crying with laughter at this. Such a sophisticated set, your colleagues.
 
I have been caught short on the poo front twice this year. The first occasion is too horrific to tell you about, but the second occasion ... actually, no-one wants to read poo stories, do they? So you can skip the rest of this post...

... but I know you're still reading, you pervert. I was walking home from the shop, just after night had fallen, and I got within 20 yards of the front door when all of a sudden I had a rectal emergency. It wasn't waiting for anything. I stood there, desperately clamping my knees together, but to no avail. I managed to sort of mince behind a neighbour's hedge, pull my breeks down and oh the shame deposit something as thick as my arm that fell on the grass with an audible thud. The next day, I left the house and while walking into town had a sudden urge to see if my poo was still there. I peeked round the hedge, and not only had it gone but a square of turf had disappeared too, as though my neighbour was so disgusted that only removing the very soil itself would exorcise my foul taint.

And that is my poo story for Christmas, an' it please your honour.

A year or so back on my walk to work just before I go down the stairs to the Metro there is one of those public toilets that you go in with the automatic door. Free to go in, no payment needed - anyway, at the back of the unit, almost as a defiant "I see your public loo but I refuse to use it...", was a humungous item. It was there for a few days, reasonable rainfall making some dent in it but not enough to wear it down.

For a few days it was a real boak-inducer. I still think about it every so often when I walk past that lav.
 
First time was when I was punched very hard in the head by a skinhead .... I'm sure he realised what had just happened and that was probably what saved me from a further kicking ...

The only other time was when I was put in charge of taking a mate to the pub so his wife could organise a surprise birthday party for him next door to his house ... We were already plastered by the time we got back and then everything was offered to us and like a fool I took everything that was offered to me ..... fast forward to 5 minutes later and I had staggered out onto his back garden, couldn't stand up, needed to poop, managed to get my trousers and underwear down and then ...you know .... so they later found me asleep on his stairs with his kids using me as a climbing frame ... the next morning his wife was hanging out some washing and I'm ashamed to admit I was too ashamed to point out that she was about to tread on it ... I left pretty sharpish ...
 
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I'm hysterical again - going to wet myself in a minute.
Makes the little brown spot I got on my Tena Lady when I had gastric flu last year seem almost fragrant by comparison.
God almighty, what IS the matter with you people??? You're not even ill! o_O
 
This will make you grin.

Man on LSD saves dog from imaginary fire:

wnyt.com/news/michael-orchard-man-accused-of-stealing-dog-in-halfmoon-saratoga-county/4291294/?cat=10114
Link is dead. The full story can be accessed via the Wayback Machine. Here is the full text of this - the original - news report.


Troopers: Man mixing LSD and cough syrup saves dog from imaginary fire

October 15, 2016 06:40 PM

HALFMOON -- A Halfmoon man allegedly broke into his neighbor's house to save the family dog from a fire, Thursday night. However, there was no fire. Troopers say he was on LSD and hallucinating.

Troopers say 43-year-old Michael Orchard of Inglewood Drive told them he mixed LSD with cough medicine Thursday afternoon and they found him, standing heroically with a dog in his arms outside of what he thought was a giant inferno.

"He believed that the residence was on fire and he was rescuing the dog," said Trooper Mark Cepiel, Troop G spokesperson.

Neighbors tell NewsChannel 13 Orchard went around the neighborhood banging on doors yelling about a fire. Since no one would help, because there was no fire. The animal lover took matters into his own hands to save the dog, allegedly driving his black BMW sedan through the fence. Troopers say once Orchard got through this fence with his vehicle, he got out, went up to the back door, smashed through it and went inside to save the family's large white dog.

Orchard was charged with second-degree burglary and third-degree criminal mischief and put in county jail on $15,000 bail.

Neighbors didn't want to go on camera because they're scared of retribution in the tightly packed development. Several neighbors listed things Orchard has allegedly destroyed in the past.

We asked Cepiel why there were no drug charges if Orchard was allegedly high.

"He drove over yards and through the fence. At no point was he on the roadway and no illegal substances were found in his possession," said Cepiel.

Troopers say Orchard was very cooperative. The developers say they've already ordered the victims a new door. The dog was unharmed.

SALVAGED FROM THE WAYBACK MACHINE: https://web.archive.org/web/2016101...ling-dog-in-halfmoon-saratoga-county/4291294/
 
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What do I love most about that story? Where the guy was from...any story that begins "A Halfmoon man..." is a story worth hearing! (And if it isn't, it's not going to take a genius to make it into one.)
 
"Neighbors didn't want to go on camera because they're scared of retribution in the tightly packed development. Several neighbors listed things Orchard has allegedly destroyed in the past."

His neighbours are not amused and love nothing about the story.
 
The misery of being a neighbour and the joy of having sod all to do with it. Pretty much what lies behind my decision to retreat from the world; I'm a voyeur, just in the non freaky way (I hope!)

Entertain me! I promise to not tell anyone your secrets...unless I suddenly find inspiration (and talent) and write a novel/screenplay about you!
 
Remember the New York man (high on LSD and cough syrup) who broke into a neighbor's house and "saved" a dog from a fire only he believed was raging? He's now pleaded guilty to criminal mischief - a misdemeanor.
Man who 'rescued' a puppy while on LSD pleads guilty

The 44-year-old man who was high on LSD and broke into a neighbor's home to save their dog because he thought house was on fire Oct. 13 pleaded guilty to misdemeanor criminal mischief Wednesday.

Michael Orchard of Halfmoon drove his car through a neighbor's fence, smashed their back glass sliding door and took their dog during a hallucination that night, State Police spokesman Trooper Mark Cepiel said in October.

Orchard believed he was "rescuing the dog from the house," Cepiel said. ...

"At no time was he on the roadway," the trooper said, explaining why the man was not charged with driving while ability impaired. Orchard told the State Police he had used acid, Cepiel said.

Orchard was charged with burglary and criminal mischief, both felonies. ...

On Wednesday, he pleaded guilty to the misdemeanor criminal mischief — as well as an unrelated felony criminal contempt charge — in Saratoga County Court, according to the district attorney's office.

He was placed on interim probation and sent to treatment court ahead of his 2 p.m. Sept. 6 sentencing, the district attorney's office said. ...
timesunion.com/news/article/Man-who-rescued-a-puppy-while-on-LSD-pleads-11255574.php
Link is dead. The MIA webpage can be accessed via the Wayback Machine:
https://web.archive.org/web/2020111...cued-a-puppy-while-on-LSD-pleads-11255574.php
 
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Someone on another thread suggested a new thread. What funny/weird things have happened to you when drunk? Including how you managed to get home etc. Any strange awakenings the next morning or whatever? Any stories of weirdness or of a Fortean nature?
 
Not to me, but a friend, she came to my house warming party and she took home two big bottles of booze, part way there she fell flat on her face and broke a front tooth, she didnt let go of the bottles, nor did she break them, i told her it was her own daft fault for not letting go of them.
 
Many years ago when I was single I had an impromptu House Party after a works Christmas do in a local pub. Everyone piled back to my house and got the very worst for wear. Those who could still walk and lived nearby went home. Everyone else just crashed wherever in the house. Can't remember a lot apart from a salted peanut fight and the mess it made. Anyway I was woken up the next morning by some kind of commotion in the front bedroom. I was in the back bedroom alone and had gone to bed fully dressed. I got up and went out on the landing to find 2 lads who had both slept in the same room in the front in a right state. The bedroom that they slept in had a window high up overlooking a road, the house was down in a dip and had an embankment and steps up to the road. My neighbours at that time had an old fishing boat that they kept permanently parked up on the road in the residents parking space. One of the boys had got up and glanced out of the window and could see just the boat and the trees. He woke the other lad and they both thought that they were both on a boat on the river. The panic and confusion was hysterical. I bumped into one of them just before Christmas in a pub. He always mentions it and we laugh about it. Ship ahoy!
 
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Many years ago when I was single I had an impromptu House Party after a works Christmas do in a local pub. Everyone piled back to my house and got the very worst for wear. Those who could still walk and lived nearby went home. Everyone else just crashed wherever in the house. Can't remember a lot apart from a salted peanut fight and the mess it made. Anyway I was woken up the next morning by some kind of commotion in the front bedroom. I was in the back bedroom alone and had gone to bed fully dressed. I got up and went out on the landing to find 2 lads who had both slept in the same room in the front in a right state. The bedroom that they slept in had a window high up overlooking a road, the house was down in a dip and had an embankment and steps up to the road. My neighbours at that time had an old fishing boat that they kept permanently parked up on the road in the residents parking space. One of the boys had got up and glanced out of the window and could see just the boat and the trees. He woke the other lad and they both thought that they were both on a boat on the river. The panic and confusion was hysterical. I bumped into one of them just before Christmas in a pub. He always mentions it and we laugh about it. Ship ahoy!

Where do I start. This thread is gonna bring back a few memories.

I suppose getting arrested for drunk and disorderly twice in one night by two different police forces was quite an acheivement
 
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