Dreaming Of The Dead

Patrick30

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#92
Yea of course the old bat is bothering me, but only because I love my wife and what bothers her bothers me.
The long lasting effect this kind of person can have on you even periphreally can be quite detrimental.
But I was just a son in law for 17 years and only delt with her 2-3 times a year. My wife was under her thumb for her first 18 years of life and remained a target from then on. I suspect she is still a target, I don't think the ol gal has moved on completely.
Now that she's deceased it's like she's still here. Her mothers bad vibes have not let up, gotten stronger if anything.
Call me superstious if you like, but that's my gut feeling.

Ulalume,
Any certain type of practicitioner you would recommend I seek out for a cleansing ritual?
Red flags to avoid ?
You speak as one who might have some experience in such things.
 

Ulalume

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#93
Yea of course the old bat is bothering me, but only because I love my wife and what bothers her bothers me.
The long lasting effect this kind of person can have on you even periphreally can be quite detrimental.
But I was just a son in law for 17 years and only delt with her 2-3 times a year. My wife was under her thumb for her first 18 years of life and remained a target from then on. I suspect she is still a target, I don't think the ol gal has moved on completely.
Now that she's deceased it's like she's still here. Her mothers bad vibes have not let up, gotten stronger if anything.
Call me superstious if you like, but that's my gut feeling.

Ulalume,
Any certain type of practicitioner you would recommend I seek out for a cleansing ritual?
Red flags to avoid ?
You speak as one who might have some experience in such things.
Have no fear, I understand completely. The damage a person like that inflicts can be severe. Psychologically, they get inside your mind and destroy you from the inside. Spiritually, well, who can say for sure? - but I personally believe they can hang around to wreak havoc. Consider trying the following things before paying someone else for a ritual:

First - I don't know the system in the UK, if you can hunt up a priest who's open-minded or you have to go with the priest in your district - but if you can, I'm sure that many priests would be glad to say a blessing for her, just as a first step. No doubt they are used to dealing with trouble of a spiritual nature - that's part of their job, after all!

When some Catholic friends began to experience some nasty paranormal happenings in their home, they called the local priest. He went right over and cast the entity out, just like that. So it can be done.

Second - if your wife is not opposed to Catholic saints and angels, she might want to ask the archangel Raphael to intercede for her. Raphael is in charge of handling nightmares.

Third - again, another Catholic-based solution (and I have good reasons for suggesting this one) contact any of the Poor Clare monastaries and ask the Sisters to pray for your wife - or better yet, for her mother's soul to find peace. This might be ideal for your wife to do, as part of letting go of her mother, but if she won't, you can do it. Just go online to any of the monastary websites and fill out a simple prayer request form and hit send. It's that easy. I've had some extremely postive experiences with the Poor Clares, and I'm not even Christian. If I needed prayer, they are the ones I'd go to in a heartbeat.

Those are Christian solutions, ones your wife might accept. IMO, it would be best if she was involved in the process, because it would help to symbolically cut ties with her abuser. If not, though, you can do things on your own.
I've never had to hire any kind of practioner to do these things, I've just done it myself or asked a family member to do it.

If you feel the mother is actually hanging around in spirit to cause trouble, you can try a basic cleansing ritual in your home and see what happens. When I do a basic cleansing, I spray a mixture of lemon juice and water around the room, sprinkle salt on the floor, and sweep it out the door while visualizing the negativity being swept out with it. If I've got an unpleasant entity* of some kind hanging about, I go further - I ring a bell (loudly - they seem to hate that!) open a window and tell them in a commanding voice to leave. Then I bring fresh rosemary to the room, because that brings in protection.

(*If it's a just a lost or confused spirit, I just talk to it nicely and give it a bit of guidance. No need to order them.)

Some people swear by burning sage, but I usually don't because it smells like marijuana and I don't want the neighbors thinking I'm a stoner. :p But it seems to work for some.

If you try this, but nothing improves, check if there is some object in the room the mother's spirit might be clinging to. This might sound especially strange, but I've had it happen before. If you can find the object (using your intuition, or someone else who's intuitive) remove it or give it away.

There are numerous curse removals that might help (not saying your mother-in-law placed a curse or anything, but you never know how these attachments work). There is a quite simple and effective method using a paper doll and paprika that works wonderfully. I don't have a link, but I know a copy is online somewhere. Just search around for it.

If you know anything about runes (they aren't my specialty, but my husband is adept with them) certain of these can be used to chase away nasty things. I know these work without the intended person even seeing them, because I've seen it work on seemingly intractible problems. If you or anyone you know is adept with them, that might be something to add. They can also be used to aid your wife's recovery, again without her having to see them.

You can also aid your wife by passing your hands over your wife's body, symbolically (and some say, physically) cutting any energy draining attachments she may have. This is something my OH and I have to regularly do after dealing with my mother (who is still alive and very, very draining) It really does help.

Okay, that's the first level of things I'd do, that and the therapy. Try these before the more extreme measures. if these don't work, then it will be time to consider other things.
 

Rosebud

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#94
I think Ula has covered all the bases there, Patrick. My two-pennyworth is that there is an heirloom or keepsake in the house which is allowing her to hang on.
 

Patrick30

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#95
Thank you Ulalume, most helpful.
There happens to be a Poor Clare monastery not far from here. I will suggest we contact them.
Will do the cleaning thing myself soon.
Will try the hands thing too.

As far as objects go, there is only one that belonged to my mother in law. We brought almost nothing from her house. Everything else my wife got from her home were items that originally belonged to her grandparents. Asmall wood box and a small table, an old photo of her father, a locket w a small pic of her grandparents inside.
The one object of the old witch was my doing, a stupid 3 ft tall wood carving of a parrot I keep in my music room and use as a hat rack. The woman had very expensive tastes and I'm sure she paid several hundred dollars for it if not thousands. I even got the card and a magazine article about the artist. Hand carved by a guy in Germany.
I found it so ridiculous I had to have it over my wife's objections.
I can easily part with it if that's what it takes.
 

Rosebud

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#96
Thank you Ulalume, most helpful.
There happens to be a Poor Clare monastery not far from here. I will suggest we contact them.
Will do the cleaning thing myself soon.
Will try the hands thing too.

As far as objects go, there is only one that belonged to my mother in law. We brought almost nothing from her house. Everything else my wife got from her home were items that originally belonged to her grandparents. Asmall wood box and a small table, an old photo of her father, a locket w a small pic of her grandparents inside.
The one object of the old witch was my doing, a stupid 3 ft tall wood carving of a parrot I keep in my music room and use as a hat rack. The woman had very expensive tastes and I'm sure she paid several hundred dollars for it if not thousands. I even got the card and a magazine article about the artist. Hand carved by a guy in Germany.
I found it so ridiculous I had to have it over my wife's objections.
I can easily part with it if that's what it takes.
Well I am not an expert on these matters, so don't start throwing things out!

A simple cleansing can be done by putting salt into a bowl of water and immersing the object in it. Salt is very useful as a purifier and the significance of this ritual is that by putting it into water you are changing a solid into a liquid and therefore demonstrating your skill as an alchemist.

On a more practical note, could the parrot sum up what the woman was all about? Your wife may be subconsciously triggered every time she sees it.
 

Patrick30

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#97
Well the thing is a 3 foot tall carving made of wood and painted. Would be hard to submerge without damage.
Perhaps a good cleaning with a salt and lemon water rag, then burn the rag. I have it purposely in a place she rarely goes, in my music room among my stack of guitar amps, in the corner with 3 or 4 hats typically stacked on its head, lol.
 

Ulalume

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#98
Patrick, Rosebud makes a good point about your wife being subconsciously triggered. Her upbringing no doubt made her vulnerable, and she may even have what's known as C-PTSD from her experiences.
http://outofthefog.net/CommonNonBehaviors/CPTSD.html
The main difference between PTSD and C-PTSD is that the flashbacks are not visual or auditory memories of specific events, but overwhelming emotions, the origins of which are harder to pinpoint. C-PTSD isn't recognized by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, and many people suffer without knowing exactly what's wrong.

I mention this, because every bit of knowledge helps in getting a grasp on what's happening.

This has nothing to do with the paranormal (though from a distance, it can look like it!) but children of NPD/ASPD parents usually have weak boundaries. The children were used as "supply" for the narcissist and since they were raised that way, they might not even realize how weak their boundaries are. The child is trained not to notice or resist the narcissist's boundary invasions. If they eventually do notice and resist, all hell will break loose.
Hopefully, your wife is learning about this in therapy, and how to manage it.

Now for the metaphysical part - I believe that these weak boundaries allow psychic/spiritual vulnerabilities as well. I sense boundaries as being not only a mental and behavioral construct, but as part of the personal energy field, too.
Just as there are ways to set and firm up boundaries through rational thoughts and behaviors, there are also ways to heal and firm up one's personal energy. Your wife may very well need something like this. I know how to do this on myself, but have no idea how to do it for another person. But if you can find out, that may be something you'd want to try, if you can get her to co-operate.

I also think it's important because, well, frankly - knowing what narcissists and psychopaths are like, I can imagine them being so addicted to power over their targets that they'd hang around harrassing them even after death. So if the dreadful woman really is hanging about, the sooner you can send her packing and focus on your wife's recovery, the better.
 

Ghost In The Machine

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#99
This person was still alive but years ago, I was upset about losing an old friend's phone number.

I now lived 150 miles away and I just got this overpowering urge to contact them, out of the blue. I can't remember why but maybe it was one of those challenging times in my life, when I needed someone who'd once known me really well, to speak to... I had lost track of all our mutual friends, as maybe a decade had passed since I'd last spoke to him. And this was the days before Facebook, and even the interwebz.

Then I had a dream and in the dream I was desperately running round phone booths trying to ring him. And his old number was written down. When I woke up, I noted down the number whilst I could still remember it. Not thinking for a moment it was the right one. But just... well I remembered the first two digits, and I knew they were right. (I should say I have dyscalclia and no head for numbers at all). Later on that day I rang my old friend and got through to a total stranger who said he now lived in that flat and my friend's name was familiar - he had moved out just 6 months earlier. So I didn't find my old friend but the phone number my subconscious remembered for a decade - long after I consciously forgot it.

My mum died 40 years ago when I was a child. I hardly ever dream of her. Maybe just once or twice in those 40 years.

My dad died in the late 2000s, and I have only dreamt of him twice. Once, it was a lucid dream and even during the dream, I was distraught as I knew he was dead.

The second time, I dreamt I was walking through the city near here, along a boring bit of ring-road near Morrisons. Just walking along with my husband. It is somewhere I went with my dad as a kid but maybe only a couple of times. He used to park near there when we went to that city.

In the dream we were walking along and I became conscious of this elderly man walking towards us who reminded me of dad. As he got nearer, I realised it was certainly someone who looked exactly like dad. The dream wasn't lucid - I had 'forgotten' he was dead, but also wasn't sure if it was him or not... As we drew level I could see it was him and felt utterly happy. He looked at me, gave me this incredible, reassuring, lovely smile - and walked on. I turned to my husband in the dream and asked him if he'd seen that - that was definitely dad. (Why we didn't talk or have a conversation I have no idea!)

I woke up somehow really happy and reassured. I often wonder why my dream was set there - on a boring bit of ring road in a city my dad didn't madly like (York - he was a Leeds man!)
 

escargot

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The Robert Peston Interview Show

Blokes discussing bereavement and grief on Radio 4. They mention dreaming of their dead spouses at about 25 minutes.
One says his deceased wife seemed happy and smiling, when he'd dream that he'd realise that she was really dead. Sometimes he wakes up and other times he carries on dreaming, conscious that it's a dream but enjoying seeing her again.

Another only dreams of his when he hasn't thought of her for a while, as if she resents being forgotten about.

Just a small mention of the subject but I found it interesting.
 

Lb8535

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Until last night, the only dead person I have ever dreamed about was an aunt who brought me up - and I knew that when Aunt Belle entered a dream, I was under severe stress. Usually I was about to move or change jobs. She was a dreadful person, especially for a child and adolescent to live with.

Last night however I dreamed about a young man with whom I attended first grade. We were best friends and our families became friendly, then I changed schools and we moved and I lost track of him. Years later, in my late 20's, I ran into him tending bar. We had a great conversation, he was very charming. About a week later the friend I had been with, who ate at that particular restaurant a lot, told me that my childhood friend had committed suicide. I was sad but it was not overwhelming for me - I had not seen him in 25 years or so. Now about 35 years later I dreamed about him, and we were both back in our 20's. I don't take dreams seriously, I think they are the random firing of neurons during the cleaning up process of sleep, but truly I have not thought of this guy for 35 years. More interesting, when I woke up, my first thought was well, maybe I'm about to run into Mark again. A few moments later I remembered that he was dead. I look forward to seeing if and how this works out. Perhaps I am about to run into him again.
 

The_Discordian

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This is an odd one for me. I have quite a lot of dreams about dead family members and pets, but AFAICR my reactions to them differ depending on who the dream is about. If the dream is about any of my grandparents, I tend to feel quite chilled, quite happy, almost serene; I'm aware that they're dead, but "meeting" them like this seems quite appropriate. If they're about my dad, I usually get quite panicky, then angry, and I repeatedly tell him he shouldn't be there. If they're about my previous dogs, I have a feeling of confusion, as if I know they shouldn't be there, but I can't remember why until I wake up. Then I remember that they're dead, and it starts the day on a miserable note :(.
 

mr_nic

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I may have previously mentioned this on another thread, but when I dream of the dead (usually my Dad or Grandparents) they never speak. They'll just be going about their business and will look at me with a sort of tight lipped benevolent smile but no matter what I do to try and get them to interact, they never do. It's really frustrating but in a weird way comforting at the same time.
 
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GeorgeP

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I may have previously mentioned this on another thread, but when I dream of the dead (usually my Dad or Grandparents) they never speak. They'll just be going about their business and will look at me with a sort of tight lipped benevolent smile but no matter what I do to try and get them to interact, they never do. It's really frustrating but in a weird way comforting at the same time.
Its the same for me too mostly. If they do speak it means the "dream" is coming to an abrupt end. Or, I dont cotten on to the fact that their around me until theyve walked away. What they do say often doesnt make sense as well...perhaps its a free will thing, a law where they cannot interfere assist or direct you.
 

Ghost In The Machine

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That is strange about them not speaking as the vivid dream I had about seeing my dad by the ring road in town... he walked within inches of me, looked me right in the eye then... didn't speak. Just smiled. (Very unlike him!)

My mother died when I was a child and I have only very very rarely dreamed of her at all. When I have, I can't recall her speaking. But I did see her (and even realised she was wearing clothes I'd forgotten ever existed and weren't in any photos of her), when having my second son - medical emergency - thought was going to die and then she appeared, just looked at me and said: "You're going to be alright". And a few minutes later - I was. I had no drugs, just that oxygen thing and as it did nothing for pain relief, not much of that...

My husband knew from the look on my face something weird had happened and he asked me what had just happened. I fell unconscious during the next labour - low blood pressure and I just passed out - and no 'dreams' or dead parents at all.
 

Elsupremo

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First of all apologies if this has been covered elsewhere, I'm still new to this. Not sure if this is the right place for this either!
I sometimes dream about people who have died. In the case of my Mum who died two years ago, the dreams are peaceful and reassuring. Yet when I dream about my Gran who as a lovely, gentle lady, the dreams are like nightmares. I am always afraid, her house feels haunted and she is a sinister scary presence.
And the other night I dreamed about a girl who had been a close friend when I was younger. She died in a tragic accident when we were twenty. She was also a lovely, gentle person but in the dream I was terrified of her, she had grabbed me by the arms and when I said her name her eyes turned white and "dead" and I screamed and woke myself up.
I suppose what I'm getting at is why would my dear Gran and friend would want to scare me? Is it just random, inexplicable brain activity? I'm always disturbed after these dreams. Anyone care to comment?
Thanks.
Whenever I dream of the dead they always look about 30 years old, if they were older than 30 when they died. I have spoken to my dead father and Grandmother. Not on purpose however when my grandmother spoke I was painting the bathroom of my house and my grandma spoke and said she liked the color. I knew it was her somehow and replied "Grandma how come you are just now talking to me?" She replied, " because you have a house now"
 

TimBuck2

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My Aunt dreamed about my late uncle, said he was outside the house in the drive but wouldn't come in - i'm sure theres a ton of symbolism there
 

Ghost In The Machine

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My (not very nice) stepmother once started telling us enthusiastically about a dream she'd had about her long dead father. Something about a spiral staircase and going to the upper floor of a double decker bus with him. My husband and I managed to keep straight faced but we both had the same thought - that was somehow very Freudian. She did seem to have a rather creepy relationship with her dad...
 
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This isn't strictly a dreaming of the dead story, but thought I would offer my opinion.

In previous threads I have mentioned that I lost my memory when I was 17, due to a brain trauma. At the time of the accident, I had been dating a girl for a little more than 3 years, and we tried to continue dating for about 6 months after I "woke up" - I was near to a coma for about 3 months where I could wake up for 10-15 minutes each day.

I didn't remember her when I woke up, and my personality had changed, so you could say that she didnt recognize me either.

I moved to a distant city and severed contact with everyone in my "old" life, to reduce the stress of people expecting me to be someone I wasn't. I abruptly lost contact with her, but I understand that we were very close, spent pretty much every waking minute with each other. Also that she was emotionally abusive toward me.

Lately, I have had mutliple dreams that involve her. The first was several years ago (I was probably 22 or 23 at the time), where I was in her home, in the living room, and her mother was being extremely nice to me, trying to win me over. Her father was a sort of zombie sitting on the couch next to us. Later, I learned that her father had passed away from cancer (through the grap vine, and not from direct contact).

A few nights ago, I had a dream that I woke up in the backseat of her car and she was speeding past police cars. There was a masculine presence in the front passenger seat that I couldn't identify. It turned out that she had robbed a bank and I felt as if I was inherently involved, against my will. I've been keeping a dream journal, so I have this one saved in more detail, if it is of interest.

So, my idea is that these things are a normal part of our process in dealing with unresolved aspects of our lives. I had supressed feelings about this person that went unresolved. Although I was not actively aware of them, my subconscious is attempting to sort it all out.

I sometimes have nightmares about the "old me" as well, in a similar fashion to dreaming of the dead. Understand that the old me feels like a separate person from myself, and I feel a kind of animosity toward him. I've even gone so far as legally changing my name (in addition to moving away from everyone I knew) to "become" my own self.

I feel that my situation is easier to see from a scientific perspective, as many variables are isolated within my experiences (that normally wouldn't be). That being said, I don't mean to discount any significant experiences people have had with deceased loved ones. These could very well be two different things that we are talking about.
 

Elsupremo

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Research on dreams is inconclusive, but I think that the theory that says we actually live in our dreams is correct. Our dreams are our real life and this life is a reenactment of our dreams. So everything we do in our waking state is something we dreamed first. Deja Vu is us remembering that we dreamed exactly what we are currently doing.
 

Naughty_Felid

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Research on dreams is inconclusive, but I think that the theory that says we actually live in our dreams is correct. Our dreams are our real life and this life is a reenactment of our dreams. So everything we do in our waking state is something we dreamed first. Deja Vu is us remembering that we dreamed exactly what we are currently doing.

So when do I get to fly and fight zombies?
 

escargot

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A persuasive (to me anyway) theory about dreaming is that our dreams are about ourselves. All situations we find ourselves in relate to our waking lives and the people we meet in them are aspects of our own personalities.

When I look back at my dreams they often make sense in this way. For example, my dreams of deceased loved ones are about my longing and grief for them rather than what they're actually up to right now.

Dreams about animals can be interpreted in this way. If I dream about a lion, then unless I've been watching wildlife programmes on TV I can be sure that my subconscious is telling me to be brave.

Nothing mysterious or occult, just the strange old human mind. :)
 

Elsupremo

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A persuasive (to me anyway) theory about dreaming is that our dreams are about ourselves. All situations we find ourselves in relate to our waking lives and the people we meet in them are aspects of our own personalities.

When I look back at my dreams they often make sense in this way. For example, my dreams of deceased loved ones are about my longing and grief for them rather than what they're actually up to right now.

Dreams about animals can be interpreted in this way. If I dream about a lion, then unless I've been watching wildlife programmes on TV I can be sure that my subconscious is telling me to be brave.

Nothing mysterious or occult, just the strange old human mind. :)
You are right. There's nothing mysterious about Life.
 

mr_nic

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A persuasive (to me anyway) theory about dreaming is that our dreams are about ourselves. All situations we find ourselves in relate to our waking lives and the people we meet in them are aspects of our own personalities.

When I look back at my dreams they often make sense in this way. For example, my dreams of deceased loved ones are about my longing and grief for them rather than what they're actually up to right now.

Dreams about animals can be interpreted in this way. If I dream about a lion, then unless I've been watching wildlife programmes on TV I can be sure that my subconscious is telling me to be brave.

Nothing mysterious or occult, just the strange old human mind. :)
Yep, I'd agree with a lot of that. You've gotta love that strange old human mind though - it throws up some pretty weird shit from time to time!
 

Gizmos Mama

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Hello Folks!

Just thought I'd make my first post on this topic, as I've recently had a strange dream about my close friend who passed away very unexpectedly almost exactly a year ago.

About 2 months ago, I had a very bad night, as I was woken up three times from nightmares in one night. I don't normally have nightmares that are scary enough to wake me, (maybe three in the last 15 years) so having three in one night is strange in itself. The first 2 dreams, I don't remember the details, but what was strange about them is that I couldn't wake up right away, and had to literally fight my way back to waking.

The third dream was very vivid, and started with me dreaming that I was laying in my bed, on my stomach, with my arms crossed under the pillow, and my head turned to the right, sleeping, (which is how I was actually positioned at the time). This is the first dream I can remember that I was sleeping in a dream. In the dream, I felt the pillow being pulled out from under my head, which woke me up inside the dream. At the same time as I was trying to wake in the dream, my friend was standing beside the bed, on my left, shaking me with his hand on my back, and telling me repeatedly to "wake up!" I could actually feel him shaking me, pushing me slightly into the bed, and moving my body.

I struggled to wake up and see what he wanted from me, and finally actually woke up this time. I lay there for a minute thinking what a weird dream that was, and how I can't recall ever having felt things physically in a dream, (except for falling/flying dreams I had when young!) I then rolled over and looked at the space where he would have been standing if he was actually there, and saw a dark shape, vaguely human sized, against the wall. I brushed this off as an outline of a poster that I have on the wall, seen in a very dark room. I then rolled over and went back to sleep.

When I awoke, the first thing I thought was that maybe he was trying to warn me about something, so had a look around the house, no smoke, fire, flood or attempted break-ins, so it wasn't a warning about immediate dangers. (good thing too, as I slept another 2-3 hours after the dream!) This dream stayed with me all day, as I was wondering if it was a message, a simple dream or what!?

Anyway, I went to bed the next night, still thinking about the dream. But as I'm laying there, I'm thinking about the dark shape I saw next to the bed, when I was definitely fully awake, and that it was certainly the poster that I saw. So I turned my head, expecting to see a dark outline, but in the dark, the tone of the poster almost exactly matches the colour of the wall, and definitely doesn't present a dark outline like I thought it did.

Now looking back, I wish I had been able to stop myself from waking fully, as I feel like my friend had something to say to me, and that I missed the chance to get some important piece of information.

Cheers!
 

GNC

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Sounds like a variation on the classic sleep paralysis episode, except you weren't really paralysed! The dream did sound as if it was difficult to shake off, both when you "woke" and even later on in the day. do you thjnk it was a little bit of trauma hanging around after the tragedy? These things can stay with you for a long time.

I assume nothing terrible happened later after all? Maybe the dream was actually useful and made you extra vigilant so you avoided it?
 
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