• We have updated the guidelines regarding posting political content: please see the stickied thread on Website Issues.

F*cked-Up Fruit & Veg

G

garrick92

Guest
No, no penis-shaped carrots here, thank you very much.

I was inspired to start this thread by a sudden memory -- seeing a "starfruit" for the first time, in (I think) 1989. It had occurred to me at the time that this weird-looking thing had never ever been seen before -- like its contemporary 'newbies', the horned melon, the inside-out orange and the invisible apple -- OK, now I'm making them up, but there were a whole bunch of weird-ass fruit suddenly appeared on sale at about the same time, whereas anyone used to fruit before this time would have considered lychees and pomegranates to be the height of exotica.

Several questions: (1) -- Has anyone any recollection of seeing the starfruit (for example) prior to about 1989 (picture in books, even)? (2) Is there any grounding in my horrid suspicion that they were an early 'future-shock' test for the current wave of genetically modified crops ("Hehe, heh, if they eat this, they'll eat anything!")? (3) What other unearthly things startled the bejasus out of you when they first appeared, but are now as commonplace as "Coronation Street"?

PS -- If anyone tries to tell me that they own a large starfruit that contains a perfect and miniature (but growing) replica of themselves, then I shall SCREAM.
 
I'm sure I must of seen a starfruit (a picture of one at least) before 1989. I remember learning about different fruits in my second year of primary school, starfruit was one of them. It must of been a few years beofre the date you mentioned.


luce
 
I don't believe a word of it. Not one word, do you hear.

I'm sorry, but it's just not good enough.

Until I am presented with GOOD evidence of their pre-1989 existence, I pronounce starfruit to be the work of the Evil One.

And how come this darn message board, after having originally decided I was a 'grey' has suddenly rechristened me 'Yeti'? I suspect I'm getting too damn close to the truth for the liking of the starfruitmongers, gibber, froth [hides under bedclothes]
 
Hmm, I can tell this is really bothering you garrick92. I'm not entirely sure about this but I think I first spotted star fruit in the exotic section of an Essex Tesco's circa 1985.

I do remember my first encounter with a kiwi fruit the following year as it coincided with losing my virginity ;)
 
Ground Elder said:
I do remember my first encounter with a kiwi fruit the following year as it coincided with losing my virginity ;)

:eek!!!!: -- !!!
 
Star-fruit were definiately around in the mid-80's I remember tasting one and being very disappointed............

Psssssssst Ground Elder wanna buy some dirty postcards????.......geniune fruit, harder stuff than you can get in Grocers Weekly......;)
 
OK, OK, OK!! So I may have been a bit out with the date.

The point is that they (St*rfr**ts) certainly weren't known to earthly science before 1980 at the earliest.

Where did they come from? Who suddenly decided to market them? And why? And why did so many other 'martian' fruits appear at the same time? In instances like this, you can hardly blame Delia Smith's TV progs, can you?

(And we'll have less of the fruit-related smut, please. Our American cousins will start to get confused. Having said that, all this fruity talk has made me want a fag, so I'll just nip out and have a quick one ...)
 
Fruit-smut? Did you ever see that episode of Rab C Nesbitt with Jamesie Cotter and the Honeydew...?
 
The starfruit is also known as the carambola.

Originated down Sri Lanka way. They've been growing it in southeast Asia/Malaysia for hundreds of years.

Its arrival in our shops probably has more to do with changes in buying strategy in food retail in the 80s than Satan's evil plan to take over the world with astral bodied delicacies.

Sorry, that's really dull.


:)
 
Sorry, garrick92, but starfruit have been grown is SE Asia for centuries. As to who decided to market them in the West, I don't know, but it was about the same time that ugli fruit started to appear in stores.
 
The mid to late 1980's was a time when the supermarkets were trying a lot of new fruit etc (?for the jaded palate). At the time I can remember such things as 'red bananas', (OK, but not worth the cost), as well as ostrich & kangaroo burgers, (damned good, but the animal libbers got their oar in!!!).
 
Its all a Jewish plot!.... or at least thats what one person explained it to me as.... Isreal hasnt got much water inland and needed some to iragate thier/somone elses (dipending on yr view point) fileds so they drilled down and found a huge water course under the desert. trouble is its slightly brackish (salty) so they set out in the late 70s to find fruit that tolerate salty water. Hence Advacardoes/Sharon fruit (Or as Deputy Dowg called em Perisimons)...etc.....may even be true!
 
I can remember Ugli fruit from at least the early 70s (Stockton Market). And kiwi fruit used to be called Chinese gooseberries (I first remember them from the 60s, again Stockton Market).

If you want a really wierd fruit, try a durian. About melon size and shape, but with soft spines all over. The flesh inside tastes divine, but the smell is revolting. Durians are banned on Singapore's pst system.

And persimmons are VILE, give me a horned melon any time!

Carole
 
And I remember a fruit called a babaco (sp?) from Queensland, a cross between a pineapple and a melon . . .

Carole
 
sidecar, you must be p**sed!!!

Your spelling is worse than mine & I'm two bottles down, (or up depending on your perspective).

While I would agree with you on some points, I would suggest that it is not a "Jewish conspiracy", more an Israeli "business ploy" which can be summed up as: "Stuff the neighbours" & as they were arabs, their views didn't count then & only a little now!!!!
 
Nessie shaped spud!!

Today we bought a Sweet potato purely 'cos it looked like Nessie! It has a longish neck,head, eyes on each side and a hump the only downfall... its pink so no faux photos taken in the bath tub for me then..a Pink Nessie...? tut. We will be taking pics and sending them to FT asap!:eek!!!!:

Didn't the star fruit stink!!?
 
Re: Nessie shaped spud!!

Slemen said:
Today we bought a Sweet potato purely 'cos it looked like Nessie! It has a longish neck,head, eyes on each side and a hump the only downfall... its pink so no faux photos taken in the bath tub for me then..a Pink Nessie...? tut. We will be taking pics and sending them to FT asap!:eek!!!!:

Makes a change from pink elephants, Slemen!

Jolly good reason for buying a veggie, though. I like the heart-shaped spuds myself . . .

Carole
 
Carol...perisimons i realy like em when they are good and ripe which means soft and dark orenge. I found a pip in one last year and now have a small tree on the kitchen widowsill, large leaves and posibly frost hardy so i might transfer it to me field next year.

David. my spelling is terrible awful and embaraseingly bad....sorry i whole heartedly apologise to everyone who has the misfortune to read it......People have claimed im dyslexic but i can only claim im thick and lazy... i cant even claim any glory from being drunk cos i dont drink...sorry agin!
 
Do we really want to hear about Slemen's Pink Sea Serpent???:eek:
 
Fruits are sometimes named after people: we have Granny Smith apples and the famous Ugli fruit, named after my ex-husband.
 
Yeah!!!!!! ex-wives of the world unite!!!!!

Seriously, that really cheered me up,
Thanks
 
Break it up, you lot -- why does the thought of weird fruit make you harp on about your "ex"es? Pah.

Well, anyway, I don't believe that the starfruit existed pre-1980. It's all very well asserting that it did, but I have been presented with absolutely no evidence of this. I hereby declare them disgusting freaks, and will burn any that I see.
 
As for Starfruit - they must have existed pre-eighties. I am sure that they did.

I mean they are a seventies shape and color don't you think?
 
Last edited by a moderator:
To keep it a little bit on thread

I know starfruit were about before 1980 because when they first showed up in the shops my mother (who had globe-trotted a bit as a child) said "they don't taste as nice now" she had first had them about 1930. Of course she may have been a witch but its to late to burn her now.

Fruit and ex's. If you are that put off by your ex's or are feeling a little lonely the Independant once reported a saying from a Muslim country "Women are for children, Boys are for pleasure but extacy is a sun warmed melon". Why the taste of melon should be so sexy is beyond me :confused:
 
Fruit and ex's. If you are that put off by your ex's or are feeling a little lonely the Independant once reported a saying from a Muslim country "Women are for children, Boys are for pleasure but extacy is a sun warmed melon". Why the taste of melon should be so sexy is beyond me

My dear boy, this is NOT about EATING the melon.
Here in darkest, coldest south Cheshire there is a man famous for only one thing, and that was congress of an indecent kind with a melon.
When he walks down the street, folks are apt to turn to one another and murmur, behind a hand, 'That's him. Him with the melon'.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Durain

Someone posted that the durian smells absolutely nasty. Well, like many inported or trucked fruits, they are picked unripe. If allowed to ripen properly, the flesh becomes even sweeter and more custard like, and the scent changes from something like garbage or animal waste to something more akin to... well, to private parts. Which may make it even less appealing to some! In parts of Indonesia (where the durian comes from) the women have a saying, don't marry a man who does not like durian... In one of the Indonesian tongues, durian is called the Honeymoon Fruit, and is considered to be semi-aphrodesiac in it's effect.
 
perhaps I should change the word melon to durian?
 
I'd always imagined that Sharon Fruit would come with gold jewellery attached...
 
Oranges are not the only fruit: Mystery of the tree that started to sprout lemons!
By Kevin Duguld
Last updated at 1:27 AM on 2nd April 2011


For years, Juliet Nisbet has enjoyed the fruit from the orange tree in her conservatory.
So when she noticed yellow fruit hanging alongside the oranges, she assumed they would turn the right colour as they ripened.
But the 48-year-old, who has gardened as a hobby most of her life, was stunned when the fruit remained yellow and ballooned into the size and shape of lemons.
The 3ft high plant now has about 25 oranges and four lemons hanging from its branches.

Mrs Nisbet, a staff nurse and mother-of-three from East Lothian, Scotland, bought the tree for £15 at a garden centre nine years ago.
It now takes pride of place in her conservatory as she has numerous visitors coming to see the curious fruit.
‘A lot of people have come round, including gardeners. They’re all baffled by it,’ she said.

‘When I first noticed I thought, “good grief”. I left it for a week and by then they were bright yellow and lemon-shaped.’
While she admits she has not yet tasted the lemons, she said: ‘They’re shaped like American footballs. They’re definitely lemons.
‘I don’t want to touch them because I don’t want to ruin it. Hopefully they should last for another month. I’ve been gardening all my life and I’ve never seen anything like this.’

However, Neil Fishlock, head of horticulture at Dobbies, where Mrs Nisbet bought the tree, believes he has solved the puzzle.
He said: ‘It’s a grafted tree and a shoot has popped out where the orange tree was encouraged to fuse with a lemon tree. Anything grafted can sprout spontaneously below the join on the stem but it’s unusual.
‘The lemons will potentially take over and kill off the oranges eventually.
‘It means she will enjoy lemon pie rather than marmalade – but for now, she has the choice of both.’

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article ... z1ILtXW8XM
 
Back
Top