Flying Spaghetti Monster & Pastafarianism

Yithian

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OPEN LETTER TO KANSAS SCHOOL BOARD

I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design to be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.

Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.

It is for this reason that I’m writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I’m sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.

Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.

I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t.

You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature.



In conclusion, thank you for taking the time to hear our views and beliefs. I hope I was able to convey the importance of teaching this theory to your students. We will of course be able to train the teachers in this alternate theory. I am eagerly awaiting your response, and hope dearly that no legal action will need to be taken. I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.

Sincerely Yours,

Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen.

P.S. I have included an artistic drawing of Him creating a mountain, trees, and a midget. Remember, we are all His creatures.



http://www.venganza.org/
 

Dingo667

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LOL, needless to saythat the people this is supposed to be for won't "get it".
Shame really.
 

Yithian

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*Dingo is crushed by an mysterious avalanche of spaghetti for doubting the seriousness of The Yithian's beliefs*

Ok, but seriously, you do accept the propsed link between pirate numbers and global warming i assume?

It's all there in the graph. :nonplus:
 

Mr_Eamcat2

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Haha - I challenge anyone to prove beyond doubt that the above is not true.
 

sunsplash1

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Hey! There's a null hypothesis in there somewhere... :D
 

AMPHIARAUS

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I have spagetti cooking for dinner - perhaps I may see a face in the sauce on my plate when finished.
All bow before the sign of the Sacred Monsterism - roll up, £5 for a glance a the holy sauce stain.

"statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature" - made me spit me drink out. :D
 

andy_just_andy

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"I was touched by His Noodly Appendage"

and now I wanna be a Pasta Pastor.
 

Yithian

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:D Great T-shirt, although wearing one would probably mean answering lots of questions from people.
 
B

Breezilla

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The Yithian said:
:D Great T-shirt, although wearing one would probably mean answering lots of questions from people.
Just print up a bunch of pamphlets and hand them out, whether anybody asks or not. :D (Hey, everyone else does...)
 

Bertie_Akbar

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ID - Flying Spaghetti Monsterism

-- sorry -- already been done ;)
 

TheNumber47

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someone needs to find a link for the picture he included, that is the funniest part :D
 

ArthurASCII

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"Intelligent Falling" Theory

Here's a bit of light-hearted Evangelical ribbing:

Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity with "Intelligent Falling" Theory

Source: The Onion

KANSAS CITY, KS—As the debate over the teaching of evolution in public schools continues, a new controversy over the science curriculum arose Monday in this embattled Midwestern state. Scientists from the Evangelical Center For Faith-Based Reasoning are now asserting that the long-held "theory of gravity" is flawed, and they have responded to it with a new theory of Intelligent Falling.

"Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force, but because a higher intelligence, 'God' if you will, is pushing them down," said Gabriel Burdett, who holds degrees in education, applied Scripture, and physics from Oral Roberts University.

Burdett added: "Gravity—which is taught to our children as a law—is founded on great gaps in understanding. The laws predict the mutual force between all bodies of mass, but they cannot explain that force. Isaac Newton himself said, 'I suspect that my theories may all depend upon a force for which philosophers have searched all of nature in vain.' Of course, he is alluding to a higher power."

Founded in 1987, the ECFR is the world's leading institution of evangelical physics, a branch of physics based on literal interpretation of the Bible.

According to the ECFR paper published simultaneously this week in the International Journal Of Science and the adolescent magazine God's Word For Teens!, there are many phenomena that cannot be explained by secular gravity alone, including such mysteries as how angels fly, how Jesus ascended into Heaven, and how Satan fell when cast out of Paradise.

The ECFR, in conjunction with the Christian Coalition and other Christian conservative action groups, is calling for public-school curriculums to give equal time to the Intelligent Falling theory. They insist they are not asking that the theory of gravity be banned from schools, but only that students be offered both sides of the issue "so they can make an informed decision."

"We just want the best possible education for Kansas' kids," Burdett said.

Proponents of Intelligent Falling assert that the different theories used by secular physicists to explain gravity are not internally consistent. Even critics of Intelligent Falling admit that Einstein's ideas about gravity are mathematically irreconcilable with quantum mechanics. This fact, Intelligent Falling proponents say, proves that gravity is a theory in crisis.

"Let's take a look at the evidence," said ECFR senior fellow Gregory Lunsden."In Matthew 15:14, Jesus says, 'And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.' He says nothing about some gravity making them fall—just that they will fall. Then, in Job 5:7, we read, 'But mankind is born to trouble, as surely as sparks fly upwards.' If gravity is pulling everything down, why do the sparks fly upwards with great surety? This clearly indicates that a conscious intelligence governs all falling."

Critics of Intelligent Falling point out that gravity is a provable law based on empirical observations of natural phenomena. Evangelical physicists, however, insist that there is no conflict between Newton's mathematics and Holy Scripture.

"Closed-minded gravitists cannot find a way to make Einstein's general relativity match up with the subatomic quantum world," said Dr. Ellen Carson, a leading Intelligent Falling expert known for her work with the Kansan Youth Ministry. "They've been trying to do it for the better part of a century now, and despite all their empirical observation and carefully compiled data, they still don't know how."

"Traditional scientists admit that they cannot explain how gravitation is supposed to work," Carson said. "What the gravity-agenda scientists need to realize is that 'gravity waves' and 'gravitons' are just secular words for 'God can do whatever He wants.'"

Some evangelical physicists propose that Intelligent Falling provides an elegant solution to the central problem of modern physics.

"Anti-falling physicists have been theorizing for decades about the 'electromagnetic force,' the 'weak nuclear force,' the 'strong nuclear force,' and so-called 'force of gravity,'" Burdett said. "And they tilt their findings toward trying to unite them into one force. But readers of the Bible have already known for millennia what this one, unified force is: His name is Jesus."

http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4133&n=2The Onion
 

TheNumber47

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"Let's take a look at the evidence," said ECFR senior fellow Gregory Lunsden."In Matthew 15:14, Jesus says, 'And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.' He says nothing about some gravity making them fall—just that they will fall. Then, in Job 5:7, we read, 'But mankind is born to trouble, as surely as sparks fly upwards.' If gravity is pulling everything down, why do the sparks fly upwards with great surety? This clearly indicates that a conscious intelligence governs all falling."
It really bothers me whenever people try to use the bible as "evidence" to prove some completely unrelated "fact." Just about the only thing the bible "proves" is that even a rather dull, awkwardly translated book with no particularly cohernt plot can become a number one international best seller with enough hype and some good PR :twisted:
 

ArthurASCII

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TheNumber47 said:
It really bothers me whenever people try to use the bible as "evidence" to prove some completely unrelated "fact." Just about the only thing the bible "proves" is that even a rather dull, awkwardly translated book with no particularly cohernt plot can become a number one international best seller with enough hype and some good PR :twisted:
Calm down TheNumber47! The article I posted is a spoof. The Onion is a famous pseudo-news site that lampoons and satirises mainstream stuff.

Sorry if I misled you :oops: .

I heartily agree with your comments however. They stand on their own, regardless of the authenticity of the spark that fuelled them.
 

Timble2

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I suspect that The Onion may have provided the Creationists with a new string to their bow. That article’s likely to spread around the interweb stripped of it’s provenance and it’s close enough to reality for a lot of people to take seriously.

I wouldn’t be at all surprised to see some Creation Scientists,/Intelligent Design Proponents coming up with a "serious" version of this in few months.

Wasn't it The Onion that kicked off the whole "Harry Potter is Satanic" thing, when people didn't realise that the article was satire, or is that an Urban Legend?
 

feen5

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I suspect that The Onion may have provided the Creationists with a new string to their bow. That article’s likely to spread around the interweb stripped of it’s provenance and it’s close enough to reality for a lot of people to take seriously
Lets hope that they do because, if they do start spouting this as real it can be pointed out that it all started as a joke in the Onion making the creationists look even more foolish and anything that makes them look even more foolish can't be bad.
 

Mal_Adjusted

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greets

unless God put it in the Onion for a purpose!

mal
 

TheNumber47

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oops forgot to notice it came from the onion (must...remember...to....check...sources)(oh and I thought it was a bit silly, should have known better)
But anyway I stand by my comments. :D
After having spent too much time in southern Indiana this particular onion article is easy to miss as a phoney...or is it fony?... a fake anyway.

*ashamed to have been duped by a silly onion article*
-47
 

barfing_pumpkin

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What's wrong with the idea of unintelligent design? Would certainly explain nasal hair and genitalia.
 

krobone

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barfing_pumpkin said:
What's wrong with the idea of unintelligent design? Would certainly explain nasal hair and genitalia.
:rofl: Ha! I gotta remember that for the next time I argue with a creationist.
 

Esk01

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:rofl:

I recommend the FSM forum (www.venganza.com), particularly the Pirate section, which has links to several hearty sea shanty sites!
 

disgruntledgoth

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Flying spaghetti monster, eh. Who else thinks that someone fell a sleep while watching a kiddie program, whilst having a philosophical dream about religion after reading the bible. The T.V image of the spaghetti monster was subliminaly implanted into his mind and he moulded the dream with the subliminal implantation and formed a religion involving a flying spaghetti monster as the creator.
 

krobone

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disgruntledgoth said:
Flying spaghetti monster, eh. Who else thinks that someone fell a sleep while watching a kiddie program, whilst having a philosophical dream about religion after reading the bible. The T.V image of the spaghetti monster was subliminaly implanted into his mind and he moulded the dream with the subliminal implantation and formed a religion involving a flying spaghetti monster as the creator.
Dude, I can't tell if you're being serious. You do know what FSM is all about, right?

Link
 

disgruntledgoth

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Sorry, was being sarcastic because I misunderstood the post, thought someone seriously thought it was a religion. :oops:
 

Yithian

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For those not following the links, i do think this is rather good:

 

krobone

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disgruntledgoth said:
Sorry, was being sarcastic because I misunderstood the post, thought someone seriously thought it was a religion. :oops:
Read the whole thing, it's hilarious!

Official Church of the FSM
http://www.venganza.org/
 

disgruntledgoth

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I have read the whole thing and it is hilarious, I just want to get one of those t shirrts now.
 
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