• We have updated the guidelines regarding posting political content: please see the stickied thread on Website Issues.

Fortean Headlines

ICE arrests 15 aliens in Roswell working for U.S. military contractor

ROSWELL, N.M. - U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) special agents today arrested 15 illegal aliens who were working for a local company here that is under contract to paint U.S. military aircraft, including Lockheed C-130 military aircraft.

Some of the aliens were in the process of painting these aircraft when they were arrested.

US Immigration & Customs website
Click to expand...
 
Mince Attack Woman Avoids Jail

Mince attack woman avoids prison

The court heard the mince was not hot when it was thrown
A woman who tipped a pot of mince over her mother's head in a row about how it should be cooked has escaped being jailed for attacking emergency staff.
Lisa Devers, 19, from Muthill, Perthshire, called 999 for help fearing her mother, Patricia Hilton, could have been burned by the minced meat.

When paramedics arrived, Devers flew into a rage, the court heard.

At Perth Sheriff Court, Ms Devers, who admitted the assault on February 26, received 120 hours' community service.

The court heard the incident happened when the mother and daughter went home after drinking.

Fiscal depute John Malpas said: "An argument ensued regarding food preparation."

Courts are here to protect paramedics who are called to the scene of incidents like this

Sheriff Michael Fletcher

Devers then attacked her mother as the row moved onto phone use.

Mr Malpas said: "During the course of the incident a pot of mince had been thrown over a person in the house and it was thought it might have burned that person."

Devers then struggled violently with police officers who arrived at the house with ambulance staff.

She admitted attacking her mother, resisting two police officers and assaulting a paramedic and an ambulance technician.

Solicitor Peter Keen, defending, said the incident started as a minor domestic fight, adding: "There was no need for the ambulance, because although the mince had been thrown it wasn't hot mince."

Sheriff Michael Fletcher said: "Courts are here to protect paramedics who are called to the scene of incidents like this."
Click to expand...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/tayside_and_central/5363952.stm[/code]
 
Sheriff Michael Fletcher said: "Courts are here to protect paramedics who are called to the scene of incidents like this."
Click to expand...

I'd like to see the parliamentary records that show "the setting up of courts to protect paramedics called to the scene of mince-throwing incidents".
 
The headline on today's Yorkshire Evening Post is:

"Teenager Beat Off Woodland Sex Fiend"

I totally p*ssed myself laughing when i saw this in the paper shop, surely someone must have realised... :shock:
 
BlackRiverFalls said:
The headline on today's Yorkshire Evening Post is:

"Teenager Beat Off Woodland Sex Fiend"
Click to expand...

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Seriously, is there any chance of a scan? I've tried going to the YEP's page but end up at Leeds Today.
 
Let me see, i didn't buy it but i'm going up to the laundrette later so could skip by the shops... might be worth having just for utter laughs, even given the grim subject matter...

Checked the website already, ypn's webpage always has been a bit crap, and suspect they wouldn't put anything on it that'd get in the way of today's press...
 
I still can't quite believe it...

beatoff.jpg


and that's now 2 newsagent that think i'm barking, 'cos i just couldn't suppress the giggles at this one, but trying to explain the joke to someone who doesn't have english as a first language, well, i'm not gonna try it :shock:
 
I found this one, from the front of this week's South Bristol Observer, baffling:

Panda1.jpg


Now, is this a giant panda that disposes of waste for you? a way of getting rid of giant panda waste? a means of getting rid of giant pandas? or just the chance to win a giant panda, and also a waste disposal unit?

I think we should be told.
 
BlackRiverFalls said:
I still can't quite believe it...

beatoff.jpg


and that's now 2 newsagent that think i'm barking, 'cos i just couldn't suppress the giggles at this one, but trying to explain the joke to someone who doesn't have english as a first language, well, i'm not gonna try it :shock:
Click to expand...

Cheers for this. Double thanks for the Jimmy Savile juxtaposition as well.
 
I've always thought there were things to be said for:

Fish Named Dogcather

and

Osteologist Named Official Bone Head

and

Christ Nabbed Again for Smuggling Drugs.

And then there's this wonderful news item:

The governor gingerly petted the tiger and was then fed raw meat at the corner of Fifth and Main.

And surely nothing can ever again even approach the creative brilliance of this news item from the 1880s:

The poor little two-year-old boy had all the life crushed out of him by a great big beer truck with the cutest little red pantaloons on.
 
And then there's the famous sports report from the Colisseum:

Lions 24, Christians 0. <ggg>
 
And just today from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania -

PENGUINS TO MEET OVER FUTURE OF ARENA

I assume dress will be formal.
 
OldTimeRadio said:
And just today from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania -

PENGUINS TO MEET OVER FUTURE OF ARENA

I assume dress will be formal.
Click to expand...

Makes me think tough. With Global Warming, people in the Southern Hemisphere may be asked to take penguins into their homes. But in the North we'll be asked to give shelter to polar bears. :shock:
 
ramonmercado said:
OldTimeRadio said:
And just today from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania -

PENGUINS TO MEET OVER FUTURE OF ARENA

I assume dress will be formal.
Click to expand...

Makes me think tough. With Global Warming, people in the Southern Hemisphere may be asked to take penguins into their homes. But in the North we'll be asked to give shelter to polar bears. :shock:
Click to expand...

Ramon;
A link to the penguins in question.
 
ramonmercado said:
With Global Warming, people in the Southern Hemisphere may be asked to take penguins into their homes. But in the North we'll be asked to give shelter to polar bears. :shock:
Click to expand...

You're totally neglecting the puffins!

P. S. And what Global Warming? Just trying to stir up trouble on a peaceful pre-Christmas Thursday.
 
an amusingly appropriate headline here:
p1-300107_241743b.jpg
 
I can read it, every word. So I must not be going blind after all. Hallelujah! It's a miracle!
 
OldTimeRadio said:
I can read it, every word. So I must not be going blind after all. Hallelujah! It's a miracle!
Click to expand...
Ah, but how far from the screen were you standing...? ;)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top