Fortean Headlines

[Founder]

Back in those very early days when Steve Moore would visit me to write out the mailing envelopes of the first few issues of FT, we'd be constantly giggling over headlines. THREE which have stuck in my memory (refusing to be dislodged) are :
AMAZING SMEAR ON HOME GUARD
FUCHS OFF AGAIN
THE BUNNYMAN IS BACK AND THIS TIME HE'S HOPPING MAD.

 

[Bigphoot2]

Back in those very early days when Steve Moore would visit me to write out the mailing envelopes of the first few issues of FT, we'd be constantly giggling over headlines. THREE which have stuck in my memory (refusing to be dislodged) are :
AMAZING SMEAR ON HOME GUARD
FUCHS OFF AGAIN
THE BUNNYMAN IS BACK AND THIS TIME HE'S HOPPING MAD.

When I was a student we had a lecturer who was fond of such headlines. His favourite was YOUNG MARRIED COUPLE HAVE MOUNTING PROBLEMS.

 

[JamesWhitehead]

FUCHS OFF AGAIN

A great favourite of the late Fritz Spiegl!

There were a lot of Fuchs in those days!

 

[Bigphoot2]

Ooh er missus

Cambridge dogging declines after probe but one couple keeps it up

https://www.cambridge-news.co.uk/ne...FU4vEoO--w0DoLyMWzNxIT73f7e2sHTK4kRqnfqMpN3H0

 

[markrkingston1]

Ooh er missus


https://www.cambridge-news.co.uk/ne...FU4vEoO--w0DoLyMWzNxIT73f7e2sHTK4kRqnfqMpN3H0

ROFL! Is that site a spoof?

 

[Krepostnoi]

This is, granted, from a forum - be warned, it is devoted to 8-legged invertebrates and other creepy-crawlies - and not from a newspaper. But you have to admit, it is an excellent question:

Help! Is my death feigning beetle dying?

 

[markrkingston1]

This is, granted, from a forum - be warned, it is devoted to 8-legged invertebrates and other creepy-crawlies - and not from a newspaper. But you have to admit, it is an excellent question:

Help! Is my death feigning beetle dying?

It's a work of performance art! Well, maybe.

 

[Yithian]

Kate Beckinsale Is The Latest To Put “Liquified Cloned Foreskins” On Her Face

Hollywood EGF (Epidermal Growth Factor) [...] “is derived from the progenitor cells of the human fibroblast taken from Korean newborn baby foreskin – which helps to generate collagen and elastin.”

'Story':
https://www.pedestrian.tv/entertainment/kate-beckinsale-liquified-cloned-foreskins/

 

[Ogdred Weary]

Tell operation Yewtree immediately, if a man did it he would be clamped in chains.

 

[EnolaGaia]

Grinch steals Christmas from nuns, but they get it back

https://www.apnews.com/cd6003964d3c45099c059a79b738e1c7

 

[Xanatic*]

One that I am sure was quite deliberate:

Neolithic mask stuns archeologists, raises eyebrows.

 

[Mythopoeika]

One that I am sure was quite deliberate:

Ancient mask stuns archeologists, Raises eyebrows.

Linkee no workee!

 

[kamalktk]

Luke Sky Walker lands in jail after arrest in Tennessee


https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/crim...-in-jail-after-arrest-in-tennessee/ar-BBQkYvF

 

[kamalktk]

Clairvoyant night cancelled due to unforseen circumstances.

https://metro.co.uk/2018/12/05/clairvoyant-night-cancelled-due-unforeseen-circumstances-8210416

 

[Coal]

Clairvoyant night cancelled due to unforseen circumstances.

https://metro.co.uk/2018/12/05/clairvoyant-night-cancelled-due-unforeseen-circumstances-8210416

 

[Bigphoot2]

Elves, snowmen and Jesus steal Geovani the statue from Perth restaurant

https://www.eveningtelegraph.co.uk/...eal-geovani-the-statue-from-perth-restaurant/

 

[Bad Bungle]

Hawaiian Monk seal with an eel jammed up its nostril.

According to the Daily Telegraph, 'apparently this unexplained phenomenon has been observed before.'

 

[Bigphoot2]

Hawaiian Monk seal with an eel jammed up its nostril.

According to the Daily Telegraph, 'apparently this unexplained phenomenon has been observed before.'

View attachment 13478

What's Monk Seal for "Hey guys, watch this!"

 

[Bad Bungle]

What's Monk Seal for "Hey guys, watch this!"

It's like when some-one makes you laugh and milk comes out of your nose. But you weren't drinking any milk.

 

[Bigphoot2]

Louth woman married to ghost of pirate splits from her 300-year-old husband

https://www.irishmirror.ie/news/iri...4_vJn4YyZJ6C7r9UaAZAM_62uNikdUCdlm8Qf9EYh0eO8

 

[Swifty]

What's Louth woman for "Hey Guys, look at me, look at me!"

 

[Bigphoot2]

What's Louth woman for "Hey Guys, look at me, look at me!"

When she married a dead pirate she must have realised that she was just making an aarrrrrrrrrrse of herself

 

[ramonmercado]

When she married a dead pirate she must have realised that she was just making an aarrrrrrrrrrse of herself

At least she didn't marry the dead pirate's dead parrot.

 

[Bigphoot2]

At least she didn't marry the dead pirate's dead parrot.

It's not dead, it's just pining for the fjords.

 

[Coal]

It's not dead, it's just pining for the fjords.

Lovely plumage though.

 

[kamalktk]

Louth woman married to ghost of pirate splits from her 300-year-old husband

https://www.irishmirror.ie/news/iri...4_vJn4YyZJ6C7r9UaAZAM_62uNikdUCdlm8Qf9EYh0eO8

Asked about the split, she was quoted as saying "We're going aaarrrrrrrrr separate ways.

 

[kamalktk]

Nuns embezzle substantial amount of money from school.

https://www.cnn.com/2018/12/09/us/nuns-accused-embezzle-school-funds/index.html

 

[Bigphoot2]

Asked about the split, she was quoted as saying "We're going aaarrrrrrrrr separate ways.

He obviously wasn't shivering her timbers.

 

[GerdaWordyer]

Nuns embezzle substantial amount of money from school.

https://www.cnn.com/2018/12/09/us/nuns-accused-embezzle-school-funds/index.html

Their defenders believe the claim that the money was just resting in their account.
(The prosecutors' statement: Feck! Arse! Nuns!)

 

[Coal]

He obviously wasn't shivering her timbers.

Her next husband won't be a patch on the old one.