How I Would Like My Own Funeral

[hunck]

Yup, i have, but i like Gareths version

OK, just checking.

 

[Shady]

I like the original but Gareths version has a lil more umph to it

 

[Graylien]

Which philosopher was it who asked that his body be left out in the wilderness for wild beasts to scavenge? I had the idea it was Diogenes the Cynic, but the internet doesn't seem to think so. Anyhow, IIRC, when his followers protested at the indignity of the plan, he replied along the lines of "If I'm left above the earth, the beasts will devour me, if I'm left below the earth, the worms will." Whoever he was, I like his attitude.

 

[escargot]

That's a great idea. Can't see my local council wearing it though.

 

[Shady]

Has anyone considered what they would like on a gravestone, if you have one, i thought, seeing as i spend a lot of time on different forums this would be appropriate

[God Snip]

 

[PeteByrdie]

I used to have all manner of ideas as to how I wanted my funeral conducted. I wanted it to be absolutely non-religious, or perhaps Pastafarian. I thought about music and stuff. But a couple of years ago I realised funerals are really for those left behind. I suppose we feel it's our last personal statement, but I'm not going to be at mine, so I want it to be whatever the people nearest me need it to be for them. I can't think of a better statement to make for that. I realised all this after getting really angry at a treasured relatives funeral. She wasn't especially religious, but the whole funeral seemed to be about honouring a mythical god rather than the memory of that person. It wasn't what I needed it to be, but perhaps it was what other people needed, and that's what I want my funeral to be.

 

[escargot]

Has anyone considered what they would like on a gravestone, if you have one, i thought, seeing as i spend a lot of time on different forums this would be appropriate

[God Snip]

I've seen 'Always Look On The Bright Side of Life' on a gravestone near here. The deceased also provided a nice marble bench for the ease of weary mourners. Sounds like a lovely chap!

 

[David Plankton]

Has anyone considered what they would like on a gravestone, if you have one, i thought, seeing as i spend a lot of time on different forums this would be appropriate

[God Snip]

Walter de la Mare wrote a few short stories which included many epitaphs, a couple I like being -

'Ay, and whatever name I bore
I thank the Lord I be
Six foot in English earth, and not
Six fathom in the sea.'

and

'Let upon my bosom be
Only a bush of Rosemary;
Even though love forget, its breath
Will sweeten this ancient haunt of Death.'

Not very uplifting or something I would choose for myself, but I like them all the same.

 

[escargot]

When I die I want to be forgotten about ASAP. Anyone who wants to make a fuss can do so now while I'm here.

I like cider, Bounty bars and Snickers, all types of fruit, scented flowers (supermarket carnations will do) and brightly-coloured socks, in case you're wondering.

Or donations to cat rescue charities would be nice.

 

[ramonmercado]

When I die I want to be forgotten about ASAP. Anyone who wants to make a fuss can do so now while I'm here.

I like cider, Bounty bars and Snickers, all types of fruit, scented flowers (supermarket carnations will do) and brightly-coloured socks, in case you're wondering.

Or donations to cat rescue charities would be nice.

Preserve you in a large cider container and put you on display in a Natural History Museum.

 

[EnolaGaia]

... The deceased also provided a nice marble bench for the ease of weary mourners. Sounds like a lovely chap!

My family home was / is adjacent to a quite old (by American standards ...) cemetery, and I spent a lot of idle and quiet time there during my childhood. As a result, I happen to like cemeteries as something akin to a park. This is why I've always appreciated those rare graves which make provision for visitors to linger, sit, etc.

I've seen marble benches placed as secondary items (separate from the gravestone) and (with inscriptions) as the actual marker / stone / monument. I've even seen older such benches or marker-benches inscribed with an invitation to sit or rest.

If I end up being buried in my family's plot(s) such a bench isn't an option. My family's plots are located in a cemetery section that requires flat grave plaques rather than upright monuments.

 

[escargot]

Preserve you in a large cider container and put you on display in a Natural History Museum.

There's not much I've got that isn't already been seen.

 

[Mythopoeika]

Has anyone considered what they would like on a gravestone, if you have one, i thought, seeing as i spend a lot of time on different forums this would be appropriate
[God Snip]

If I ever have a gravestone, it'd say 'Here lies a great worrier'.
But I probably won't, because I intend to be cremated.

 

[PeteByrdie]

If I ever have a gravestone, it'd say 'Here lies a great worrier'.
But I probably won't, because I intend to be cremated.

Mine would just say, "Whatever you do, DON'T REMOVE THE STAKE"

 

[EnolaGaia]

Mine would just say, "Whatever you do, DON'T REMOVE THE STAKE"

My longstanding favorite is the punch line to the oldest joke that still tickles me:

"The music's stopped, and your monkey's on fire."

My second choice is the last portion of what I refer to as my best contribution to human knowledge (a come-back to the usually unanswerable "You don't know your ass from a hole in the ground"):

"I don't want you to kiss a hole in the ground."

... which seems notably apropos for a grave.

 

[ramonmercado]

Mine would just say, "Whatever you do, DON'T REMOVE THE STAKE"

Mine would say: What are you bleeding looking at?

 

[Dinobot]

I've made my wishes clear to friends and family - secular service, cremation and The Baby Elephant to be played whilst I "go beyond the curtin", then my ashes scattered at Observatory Hill...

 

[escargot]

Has the trend for individualised funerals gone too far?

The rise of so-called happy funerals is no laughing matter

It’s time to put the fun back into funeral. Yes, it’s going to be the party of your life. After all, you only die once. It’s your special day. Why not make it a themed occasion? Perhaps the coffin-bearers could be dressed up as superheroes? Or maybe a MasterChef theme? Do you think Gregg Wallace might be available to take the ceremony? I was once asked by a group of mourners if they could put a snow machine on the roof of St Paul’s Cathedral, because the deceased “loved the snow”, they explained.

Funerals have become the new weddings. For just as weddings have gorged themselves on inflated self-promotion, so funerals are now doing the same. They are becoming extravagant forms of self-expression, designed to articulate our individuality.

And yet, of course, there is something very obviously odd about all of this. For self-expression and individuality are not characteristics of the dead. Funeral orations may sound more and more like a best man’s speech, with the inevitable weak jocularity. But there is nothing more incongruous than “because I’m worth it” consumerism when practised by – or even on behalf of – those who no longer exist. The funeral is not just one more occasion for us to be centre stage or party hosts, in absentia. It is precisely our permanent absence that is being acknowledged. It is non-being that gives the gathering its very point.

etc

 

[EnolaGaia]

Has the trend for individualised funerals gone too far?

The rise of so-called happy funerals is no laughing matter

I'm of two minds about this essay ...

On the one hand ... I tend to agree that some such personalized funerals seem trite / tacky at face value - particularly those whose non-traditional trappings are imposed upon the deceased's bon voyage event by well-meaning(?) survivors (as opposed to having been prescribed by the deceased him- / herself).

On the other hand ... The author ultimately frames his critique from the position of the surviving collective rather than the deceased individual, so as to complain about the effects such a send-off may have on them. When he writes:

... This is a problem in part because the happy funeral, in refusing to allow a life’s end to impact us in all its darkness, is no longer helping us through the grieving process. But also because there is a fundamental form of denial going on in a society that cannot cry or get upset or just sit with its own grief without having to distract itself with a bit of a laugh ...

... he's essentially filtered the deceased out of the scenario entirely, and thus made it all about everyone else.

At this point I would claim he's wronged the dead by being dead wrong about the event's / process' proper focus.

No one gets born without someone else's involvement. Everyone dies on his / her own, regardless of how many others attend him / her at the end. One's exit is arguably the most - and certainly the most final - individual life event.

In accordance with this orientation, I consider funerary specifications laid down by the departing ones themselves to be unavoidably deserving of acknowledgment and execution to the extent of their feasibility. For those who devise such specifications, the resultant prescription is as much a final 'message' to or for the survivors as a will.

 

[Bigphoot2]

This is the kind of low key funeral I'd like

 

[RaM]

Chop my legs off stick me in a banana box and chuck me
in't fire box for all I care then off to the pub for a piss up
job done.

A friend as said come and visit him in is grave and dribble
half a bottle of whiskey over him, he did not mind if it was
of the recycled variety.

:drink:

 

[cycleboy2]

I'd like my funeral to be sometime in the 25th century, 45th century or the millionth century. And, crucially, I so do not want to be there!

 

[Bigphoot2]

93 year is going to her own wake so she doesn't miss out on the fun. Quite right too

Party-loving 93-year-old to attend own funeral wake in local boozer so she doesn’t miss the fun
Ethel Leather is dubbing this month's party "my golden years" and says it is the prefect chance for her family and friends to come together to celebrate her life.
Rolls-Royce worker told the Derby Telegraph : “I’m not missing out on my party. I didn’t want them to enjoy themselves without me.

etc

https://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/real-life/party-loving-93-year-old-12010434

 

[ramonmercado]

I was talking about music for my cremation last night: Rock n Roll Heart by Lou Reed, Ein Kleine Nachtmusik by Mozart, Dearg Doom by Horslips and a medley of Light My Fire/Both Ends Burning/Ashes To Ashes as a finale.

 

[Frasier Buddolph]

Has anyone considered what they would like on a gravestone, if you have one, i thought, seeing as i spend a lot of time on different forums this would be appropriate

[God Snip]

"Your Ad Here"

 

[Bigphoot2]

I hope I die surrounded by relatives so that I can say with my dying breath, "The chest of money is buried fifty paces from...urgh."

 

[James_H]

I always quite liked this vision.

I, the under-mentioned, by this document
Do declare my true intentions, my last will, my testament.
When I turn up my toes, when I rattle my clack, when I agonise,
I want no great wet weepings, no tearing of hair, no wringing of hands,
No sighs, no lack-a-days, no woe-is-me's and none of your sad adieus.
Go, go, go and get the priest and then go get the booze, boys.

 

[skinny]

I was talking about music for my cremation last night: Rock n Roll Heart by Lou Reed, Ein Kleine Nachtmusik by Mozart, Dearg Doom by Horslips and a medley of Light My Fire/Both Ends Burning/Ashes To Ashes as a finale.

Got the playlist ready right here on this usb stick. Where do we insert it?

For me, just give me a Statler and Waldorf sendoff and a leave the theatre laughing.

 

[maximus otter]

I delude myself that my death will be something like Enya's video for Caribbean Blue:

In fact, it'll probably take place in a blood- and piss-stained NHS A&E unit, as a fourteen-year-old Ghanaian trainee doctor pounds my chest until my ribs splinter under fluorescent lights at 0330 on a wet February morning.

To make up for this I want a blub-inducing music selection during the ceremony. My current faves are Loreena McKennitt's live version of The Parting Glass:

...followed by Annie Lennox singing Into the West:

Then, after having dissolved the assembled two or three people impatiently waiting for the next cremation, I'll subvert the proceeding with my PSU's old marching song:

Leave 'em laughing!

maximus otter

 

[Bigphoot2]

I've always wanted this song by Gerry Rafferty to be played at my funeral

Then to add a little dignity to the proceedings this touching piece composed by Mr Keith Moon