Humour & Jokes

Do you have a GSOH?

  • Yes

    Votes: 29 44.6%
  • Sometimes

    Votes: 12 18.5%
  • No

    Votes: 7 10.8%
  • What's a GSOH?

    Votes: 17 26.2%

  • Total voters
    65

Mythopoeika

I am a meat popsicle
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Celebrating
Saw a little bit of the dating show' Take Me Out' (once, at gun point) where smart good-looking boy and smart good-looking girl were getting on like a house on fire - until he mentioned that he was half-Egyptian. You could see the bewilderment in her eyes - 'what do you mean ?' He explain that his mother was Egyptian - 'but she can't be, they all died out thousands of years ago.' The magic kind of dried up.
Take Me Out - is that a euphemism for 'kill me now'?
 

Bigphoot2

Carbon Based Infestation
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'Swear blind' this is true.

Quite a few years back, was awaiting news of Scotland's opponents in forthcoming football tournament.

Listening to the radio as we were approaching the Iceland supermarket.

"That's us got Iceland and the Faroe (fay-ro) Islands in the draw then...", I duly informed.

Son, who was old enough to know better - about 18 at the time - proclaims, "Eh.... is Iceland a country as well, then?"...

Confirming same and somewhat alarmed by his lack of geographical knowledge, I enquired, " Do you know where the Faroe's are?"...

Boy Wonder disdainfully replays, "Well obviously, Da...


...Egypt".
I suppose it's too late to leave him on someone's doorstep and run away.
 

Bigphoot2

Carbon Based Infestation
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In the great days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent to a jungle outpost to relieve the retiring colonel. After welcoming his replacement and showing the usual courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches etc) that protocol decrees, the retiring colonel said, "You must meet my Adjutant, Captain Smithers, he’s my right-hand man, he's really the strength of this office. His talent is simply boundless."

Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO, who was surprised to meet a drooling, hunchbacked, one eyed, toothless, hairless, foul-smelling, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than three feet tall. "Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself."

"Well, sir, I graduated with honours from Sandhurst, joined the regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines. I've represented Great Britain in equestrian events, won a Silver Medal in the middleweight boxing division of the Olympics. I have researched the history of....."

Here the colonel interrupted, "Yes, yes, never mind that Smithers, he can find all that in your file. Tell him about the day you told the witch doctor to fuck off."
 

INT21

Justified & Ancient
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Mythpoeika,

...Take Me Out - is that a euphemism for 'kill me now'? ..

No, it's a euphemism for 'How about a shag' ?

Basically all these kind of programs just seem like pimping to me.

I've never watched things like 'Love Island' etc. Don't need to, the trailers are bad enough.

But you have to ask. 'would anyone in normal life want to marry these people '?

Leopard, spots etc.

INT21.
 

Bad Bungle

Ephemeral Spectre
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But you have to ask. 'would anyone in normal life want to marry these people '?
INT21.
They can marry but please God don't let them breed.
In a completely different vein was Beauty and the Geek which I saw briefly (tied to a chair with my eyelids wired open). This paired socially-awkward but academically brilliant nerds with very attractive but cerebrally-challenged air-heads in a series of competitions. But this wasn't pimping, it had an Innocence and the girls were charming. However, the closest correct answer to 'who was the first man on the Moon' was 'Lance Armstrong' but when one girl was asked for a word that rhymed with orange, she answered morange without any hesitation. Asked for a definition of morange she simply replied 'more orange'.
I think that word with that definition should be included in the OED soonest.
 

INT21

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Bad Bungle,

Now we know where the idea for 'Big bang theory' came from. Or was it the other way around ?

INT21
 

Lord Lucan

Ephemeral Spectre
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They can marry but please God don't let them breed.
In a completely different vein was Beauty and the Geek which I saw briefly (tied to a chair with my eyelids wired open). This paired socially-awkward but academically brilliant nerds with very attractive but cerebrally-challenged air-heads in a series of competitions. But this wasn't pimping, it had an Innocence and the girls were charming. However, the closest correct answer to 'who was the first man on the Moon' was 'Lance Armstrong' but when one girl was asked for a word that rhymed with orange, she answered morange without any hesitation. Asked for a definition of morange she simply replied 'more orange'.
I think that word with that definition should be included in the OED soonest.
My wife once taught a young woman who was on one of the series of the Aussie version of Beauty and the Geek and said to me that the young lady in question was '' As thick as pigshit''. Her family lives two towns away and I did once meet her. She was moderately attractive in the flesh, one of the vainest people I've had the displeasure to have met, constantly flicking her hair and looking at her selfie camera to check her makeup every few minutes. I came away from the brief meeting with the same conclusion.
 

Swifty

doesn't negotiate with terriers
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They can marry but please God don't let them breed.
In a completely different vein was Beauty and the Geek which I saw briefly (tied to a chair with my eyelids wired open). This paired socially-awkward but academically brilliant nerds with very attractive but cerebrally-challenged air-heads in a series of competitions. But this wasn't pimping, it had an Innocence and the girls were charming. However, the closest correct answer to 'who was the first man on the Moon' was 'Lance Armstrong' but when one girl was asked for a word that rhymed with orange, she answered morange without any hesitation. Asked for a definition of morange she simply replied 'more orange'.
I think that word with that definition should be included in the OED soonest.
Fringe sort of rhymes with orange if you say orange in a west midlands accent.
 

Bigphoot2

Carbon Based Infestation
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Sometimes when we are on a walk, Ms. Popper will say to our dog, "Blah blah blah, Ginger, blah blah blah blah." It works just as well as anything else, and often a stranger within earshot will chuckle.
That's how the OH talks to me...well, that's what it sounds like.
 

escargot

Beloved of Ra
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I once saw someone say to their dog "How many times have I told you not to do that?" What did they expect as an answer? "Woof, woof, woof...woof."
We had a neighbour who'd sometimes shout at his dog 'HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT BARKING AT NIGHT? EH? EH?'
Poor thing was a youngish German Shepherd bitch, soft as muck, who was kept in the yard more or less 24/7. I'd bark in those conditions.
 
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