Humour & Jokes

Do you have a GSOH?

  • Yes

    Votes: 34 46.6%
  • Sometimes

    Votes: 13 17.8%
  • No

    Votes: 8 11.0%
  • What's a GSOH?

    Votes: 18 24.7%

  • Total voters
    73

Mythopoeika

I am a meat popsicle
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It's sometimes hard to approximate phonemes that aren't in your native language. Look at some far Eastern people with "L" and "R", or better yet, English (and other) people attempting to approximate the "LL" sound in Welsh. That's to say nothing of the clicks in some African languages.
The 'clicks' thing is definitely the most difficult to emulate.
 

Floyd1

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It's sometimes hard to approximate phonemes that aren't in your native language. Look at some far Eastern people with "L" and "R", or better yet, English (and other) people attempting to approximate the "LL" sound in Welsh. That's to say nothing of the clicks in some African languages.
Ever tried Hebrew? It gives you a sore throat.
 

Ogdred Weary

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The 'clicks' thing is definitely the most difficult to emulate.
Seemingly near impossible for non-native speakers, I knew a white South African lady who could sing a song with the clicks but basically had to think about it and couldn't really do it outside of that context.
 

escargot

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Seemingly near impossible for non-native speakers, I knew a white South African lady who could sing a song with the clicks but basically had to think about it and couldn't really do it outside of that context.
A lady who I think might have been the legendary Miriam Makeba appeared on Opportunity Knocks around 1970 singing 'The Click Song'. She was very glamorous and it was fascinating to hear. Dunno how she went on but I hope she won!

On YouTube: Miriam Makeba singing The Click Song
 

Mythopoeika

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A lady who I think might have been the legendary Miriam Makeba appeared on Opportunity Knocks around 1970 singing 'The Click Song'. She was very glamorous and it was fascinating to hear. Dunno how she went on but I hope she won!

On YouTube: Miriam Makeba singing The Click Song
Like it! I have no idea how they do a click like that.
I can do a click with my tongue, but it doesn't sound like the African click.
 

Ogdred Weary

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A lady who I think might have been the legendary Miriam Makeba appeared on Opportunity Knocks around 1970 singing 'The Click Song'. She was very glamorous and it was fascinating to hear. Dunno how she went on but I hope she won!

On YouTube: Miriam Makeba singing The Click Song
It possibly was that same song that my colleague sung but her "clicks" were nowhere near as sharp and distinctive as those (though microphones and production my accentuate them) but still much, much better than I could do.
 

maximus otter

Recovering policeman
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Quasimodo comes home from work to see that his mum's got her wok out of the cupboard. "Are we having stir fry for dinner?" he asks hopefully. "No", she replies, "I'm about to iron your shirt."

maximus otter
 

Bigphoot2

Not sprouts! I hate sprouts.
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At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?"
"Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles."
"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer.
But on he went, in his obnoxious way. "What about all these biscuit purchases. What do you do with the crumbs?"
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of holy biscuits."
"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi.
"Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"
"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick."
 

Lizard King

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Two work colleagues go for their weekly game of squash after work one day. They are getting changed, when one is shocked to see the other wearing women's underwear.
"Oh my God Dave, when did you start wearing a bra and women's knickers?"
"Since the wife found them on the back seat of the car"
 

Ermintruder

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I heard these jokes from part of last night's "Heresy" radio show with the highly-talented trio of Victoria Cohen-Mitchell, Jo Brand & Rufus Hound
(hear this at https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m0005t9g .....highly recommended, I had to listen to it properly when I eventually got home)

The Brexit theme was interwoven with investigations into how jokes may go too far.....you have been warned.

Victoria: My therapist says I might have schizophrenia....
Rufus: Oh?
Victoria: Ha! Joke's on her: I don't even have a therapist!!!

Victoria: My grandfather died in a concentration camp...
Jo: Sad....
Victoria: Yes, he fell from a watch-tower....
(The hidden punchline/dispensation on this is that her grandfather did die in a concentration camp, but not in the way she said)
 

GNC

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I heard these jokes from part of last night's "Heresy" radio show with the highly-talented trio of Victoria Cohen-Mitchell, Jo Brand & Rufus Hound
(hear this at https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m0005t9g .....highly recommended, I had to listen to it properly when I eventually got home)

The Brexit theme was interwoven with investigations into how jokes may go too far.....you have been warned.

Victoria: My therapist says I might have schizophrenia....
Rufus: Oh?
Victoria: Ha! Joke's on her: I don't even have a therapist!!!

Victoria: My grandfather died in a concentration camp...
Jo: Sad....
Victoria: Yes, he fell from a watch-tower....
(The hidden punchline/dispensation on this is that her grandfather did die in a concentration camp, but not in the way she said)
It was Victoria's great-uncle, but yeah, as Jo Brand said a joke is all about intent, if you're intending to cause hurt then you should have a long look at yourself, if you're just trying to cope then why not? Maybe it'll help. Which makes it ironic that her battery acid joke on last night's show has so many people up in arms at the moment. OK, it wasn't hilarious, but I doubt she meant it seriously.
 

blessmycottonsocks

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"Victoria: My grandfather died in a concentration camp...
Jo: Sad....
Victoria: Yes, he fell from a watch-tower...."

Sadly, the first time (AFAIK) that that "joke" was published was some 20 years ago, when an undercover reporter for (I think it was) Reader's Digest did an exposé on the BNP.
Some low-level anti-Semitic gags were being cracked at the meeting, when one of the presenters told everyone to STFU, because his granddad died in Auschwitz. This was met with stunned silence until he delivered the punchline "yeah, he got pissed and fell out of the machine-gun tower", which was met with cheers and raucous laughter.


Yes, it must have been Reader's Digest, because I recall reading it in my doctor's waiting room.
 
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Bigphoot2

Not sprouts! I hate sprouts.
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"Victoria: My grandfather died in a concentration camp...
Jo: Sad....
Victoria: Yes, he fell from a watch-tower...."

Sadly, the first time (AFAIK) that that "joke" was published was some 20 years ago, when an undercover reporter for (I think it was) Reader's Digest did an exposé on the BNP.
Some low-level anti-Semitic gags were being cracked at the meeting, when one of the presenters told everyone to STFU, because his granddad died in Auschwitz. This was met with stunned silence until he delivered the punchline "yeah, he got pissed and fell out of the machine-gun tower", which was met with cheers and raucous laughter.


Yes, it must have been Reader's Digest, because I recall reading it in my doctor's waiting room.
I remember Bernard Manning telling that joke.
 
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