A bloke is travelling from London to Inverness on the overnight sleeper train.
After dinner and a few drinks he heads off to his cabin but as he gets there he notices a young women going into the same place. He says “I’m sorry but you’re in the wrong place, this is my cabin” They compare tickets and sure enough they’ve both been booked into the same twin cabin.
The guy says “No bother, I’ll have a word with the guard and get it changed”
She says “Look, it’s not that big a deal - we’re both adults, I’ll get ready and jump into the bottom bunk then I’ll give a knock on the door and you can jump into the top bunk”
The guy says “OK, that sounds like a plan” and they both turn in for the night.
In the middle of the night the woman gives him a nudge from below and says
“Hello? I’m very cold, could you fetch me a blanket?”
He says “How cold are you?”
“Very, very cold”
”Well if you’re that cold we could pretend we’re married”
I got sick at a small hotel in Madrid. I called the front desk and they told me they had a doctor on staff. After he made me feel better, I told him I was amazed such a small place had a doctor. He nodded and said...
When I was a boy, my mum would send me down to the corner shop with £1 and I’d come home with a couple of tins of soup, two loaves of bread, half a dozen eggs, a pint of milk, a packet of biscuits, a cake and a comic for myself.
I couldn’t do that now… far too many security cameras.