Humour & Jokes

Do you have a GSOH?

  • Yes

    Votes: 48 51.1%
  • Sometimes

    Votes: 14 14.9%
  • No

    Votes: 11 11.7%
  • What's a GSOH?

    Votes: 21 22.3%

  • Total voters
    94

Mythopoeika

I am a meat popsicle
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This will sound bonkers, but they are already licensed (with an 's', but it is the Grauniad, so top marks for verisimilitude).
We all know that Guardian journalists can't spell.
 

RaM

Justified & Ancient
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OFFICIAL MONSTER RAVING LOONY PARTY MANIFESTO
(from their website)

Policies A-Z
The A-Z of the OMRLP Manicfesto Just a sample of what you’d get by voting for insanity – you know it makes sense!
A.AIR bags will be fitted to the Stock Exchange immediately, ready for the next crash.
B. BRITAIN will exit Europe and join the Duchy of Cornwall to benefit from tax exemptions.
C. CAPITAL Punishment will be opposed on the grounds that it is unfair to Londoners.
D. DATA will be secured, placed in a brown bag and hidden in the PM’s socks and pants drawer.
E. Education. All University Tuition fees for women would be free as we are strong believers in Female intuition. (Due to gender equality laws we would include males as well)
F. FRIVOLOUS Fraud Office setup to inspect fraud too silly for the Serious Fraud Office.
G. GREYHOUND racing will be banned to prevent the country going to the dogs.
H. HALF the grey squirrels will be painted red to increase the red squirrel population.
I. INNOCENT prisoners will be released in order to reduce prison overcrowding.
J. JOBSEEKERS will be made to stand two abreast in order to halve dole queues.
K. KIDS will be made to sit closer together on smaller desks in to reduce school class sizes.
L. LONDON Marathon free to anyone finishing in sub-2 hours wearing large clown’s shoes.
M. MEGA carwash will be created by punching holes in the roof of the Channel Tunnel.
N. NATIONAL debt will be cleared by putting it all on our credit card.
O. OAPS will qualify for a Summer Ice Lolly Allowance if temperatures exceed 70 degrees.
P. PUDDLES deeper than 3 inches will be marked by a yellow plastic duck.
Q. QUITTERS will be encouraged not to start in the first place to improve their self esteem.
R. REGULATIONS concerning car boot sales will be relaxed to permit selling of all car parts.
S.STAMP duty will be cancelled as stamps are expensive enough without having to pay duty.
T.TERRORISTS will be made to wear Bells and Horns so we know where they are.
U.UNRULY teenagers will be superglued together as if you can’t beat them, join them.
V. VEHICLES will be fitted with bungy ropes in order to save fuel on the return journey.
W. WIND farms will be created nationwide, where breaking wind will be encouraged.
X. X-RAY machines will be manned by a skeleton staff.
Y. YELLOW lines will be painted where you can park instead of where you can’t to save money.
Z. ZEBRA crossings will be made permissible to all animals wishing to cross the road.
 

escargot

Disciple of Marduk
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Bigphoot2

Not sprouts! I hate sprouts.
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I'm just back from voting. It was a very strange experience - I was the only one voting and the polling station was full of kids.
 
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