Humour & Jokes

Do you have a GSOH?

  • Yes

    Votes: 37 47.4%
  • Sometimes

    Votes: 13 16.7%
  • No

    Votes: 8 10.3%
  • What's a GSOH?

    Votes: 20 25.6%

  • Total voters
    78

Bigphoot2

Not sprouts! I hate sprouts.
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A man goes to his local cinema and during the film, his attention is drawn to a woman sitting with a dog.

As the film plays, the dog is engrossed, wagging his tail in the funny bits, howling during the sad parts, and covering his eyes with his paws during the scary parts.

At the end of the film, the man makes a beeline for the woman.

"Excuse me," he says, "but I couldn't help noticing that your dog was absolutely engrossed in the film. It was incredible - I couldn't believe what I was seeing!"

"I know, I know" the woman shook her head and looked down at the dog. "He absolutely hated the book."
 

Swifty

doesn't negotiate with terriers
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A man goes to his local cinema and during the film, his attention is drawn to a woman sitting with a dog.

As the film plays, the dog is engrossed, wagging his tail in the funny bits, howling during the sad parts, and covering his eyes with his paws during the scary parts.

At the end of the film, the man makes a beeline for the woman.

"Excuse me," he says, "but I couldn't help noticing that your dog was absolutely engrossed in the film. It was incredible - I couldn't believe what I was seeing!"

"I know, I know" the woman shook her head and looked down at the dog. "He absolutely hated the book."
Reminds me of ..

A man goes to the butchers, a dog walks in with a money bag around his neck. The butcher says "What do you want boy?" .. the dog taps twice on the glass screen for some pork chops, once on the glass for a steak and four times for some sausages. This goes on for a few days so the man follows the dog across the road and watches it ring a doorbell with its nose .. "Excuse me but I couldn't help noticing how clever your dog is." .. "Clever? .. this is the third time he's forgotten his keys this week!"
 

INT21

Antediluvian
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Young Joe is sat on the stoop in his mountain home. His father is also sat there; whittling away at a bit of wood.

'Pa, I'm bored stoopid. I'm off to join the army'

Good for you, Joe. See you when you get back.

Three years later,

Joe comes walking up the track. Stops to look at the house. Exactly as he left it. His father still sat there; whittling.

Joe sits down beside him.

'Pa, we have to make some changes around here. Where I been, why, they even have inside toilets. Gonna start right now, Pa. Gotta make those changes'.

He reaches into his kit bag and pulls out an anti-tank grenade. Throws it at the old outhouse. There is a huge explosion and all that is left is a smoking hole in the ground.

'Shouldn't have done that son' says his father; whittling away.

'Why, Pa, give me one good reason for not getting rid of the old crappy crap house, just one will do Pa.'

Well son, your Ma was in there shitting.
 

Swifty

doesn't negotiate with terriers
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I don't think I'm ever going to be able to get over not being able to listen to Bob at work a couple of months back .. he managed to weird out the Mrs who had to deal with him so there's always that .. a modern legendary anecdote teller


 
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Ermintruder

Delineated by a professional cryptozoologist
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2020-01-20 22.09.00.png

EDIT.....something that is NOT a joke....which I've only just realised, looking at that depiction of the Earth....is that the 'Reset Button' is located (subjectively) near to Las Palmas and the infamous Unstable Volcanic Shelf Tsunami Epicentre at Cumbre Vieja in the Canary Islands. This tangential observation (all puns intended) makes me feel maybe I should delete this post, as possibly it's in unintentional prospective bad taste. But the 'rational me' considers the key counterbalancing factors: this is the Forteana Forum, and, the image (as created) will continue to exist elsewhere on the internet.
2020-01-21 04.42.02.png
 
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