Humour & Jokes

Do you have a GSOH?

  • Yes

    Votes: 50 52.1%
  • Sometimes

    Votes: 14 14.6%
  • No

    Votes: 11 11.5%
  • What's a GSOH?

    Votes: 21 21.9%

  • Total voters
    96

Trevp666

It was like that when I got here.........honest!!!
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"Dad's Army" to reform in response to 'Stay Alert' government advice.

"......Agatha Chertswold, a 84 year old retired nursery nurse from Hampstead, who has been ‘staying alert’ with the use of illegal amphetamines since the government slogan was revealed, said:
“I’ve got my sawn off and a bandolier of shells. Any Jerry comes within five feet of me and I’ll give them two barrels of Dunkirk Spirit right in their Nazi face.”



https://thedailyshunt.com/2020/05/10/dads-army-to-reform-as-government-issue-new-stay-alert-message/
 

Mythopoeika

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"Dad's Army" to reform in response to 'Stay Alert' government advice.

"......Agatha Chertswold, a 84 year old retired nursery nurse from Hampstead, who has been ‘staying alert’ with the use of illegal amphetamines since the government slogan was revealed, said:
“I’ve got my sawn off and a bandolier of shells. Any Jerry comes within five feet of me and I’ll give them two barrels of Dunkirk Spirit right in their Nazi face.”

https://thedailyshunt.com/2020/05/10/dads-army-to-reform-as-government-issue-new-stay-alert-message/
 

Swifty

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The government has announced it will reopen pubs and restaurants as long white people socially distance themselves from more susceptible Black & Minority Ethnics. Carlsberg don't do government announcements but if they did.
 

Swifty

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Drinking at home has become essential, Now that I can’t drink at work.

World Health Organisation is to change. WHO stands for Wuhan Hiding Officials.
 

Krepostnoi

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The government has announced it will reopen pubs and restaurants as long white people socially distance themselves from more susceptible Black & Minority Ethnics. Carlsberg don't do government announcements but if they did.
What's the joke, here?
 

Swifty

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You must have thought there was one, though, otherwise why post it at all?
You must have thought there was a joke in there, otherwise why ask? .. let's go .. I'm rocking your food to your household at the moment with 99.9% alcohol hand spray to protect you .. we'll chat about this later. And for anyone else reading? .. thanks but stay the fuck out of the way of Rollers .. it's 2020, not 1985. We're winning at the moment but only if you stay out of our way.

adie001.jpg
 
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Trevp666

It was like that when I got here.........honest!!!
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The police knocked on my door yesterday telling me my dog was chasing a man on a bicycle.
I said "That's ridiculous - my dog doesn't even have a bicycle!"
 

Ogdred Weary

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The only evidence I have for any existence of a joke in there is the fact you posted it in the Humour & Jokes thread, and that's no better than circumstantial. But, try as I might, all I can find is the suggestion that you think it would be rather nice to have a pint without having to mix with any "ethnics" - not my word, but a direct quote from your post. So that's why I'm asking.

Often with this kind of stuff there's a convoluted second way of reading the text which can be used as a fig-leaf if the racist reading is called out. But I can't see any other way of interpreting your post.

You're doing a difficult and thankless job just now, that's for sure. But that doesn't give you carte blanche (and I use the term advisedly) to start posting racist bollocks on here. See also your reference to Lenny Henry up-thread.
I read it as Swifty being critical of what would essentially be apartheid, rather than making a racist joke.
 

EnolaGaia

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The government has announced it will reopen pubs and restaurants as long white people socially distance themselves from more susceptible Black & Minority Ethnics. Carlsberg don't do government announcements but if they did.
What's the joke, here?
Decoding Swifty can be a very tricky business, but ... My first guess is that it's an in-joke that only makes sense to those in the pub / restaurant trade and who are aware of certain recent moves by Carlsberg.

Carlsberg seems to have taken the lead in trying to give pubs / restaurants some slack, because the retail establishments are stuck with lots of unused beer and hard pressed to pay for leased Carlsberg equipment. Carlsberg announced they'll take back unused stock, and equipment lease payments are suspended for the time being.

If taking advantage of Carlsberg's offers involves some sort of micro-management hassle in discriminating among products / lease agreements, that might explain the very cryptic post.

Swifty: Whatever the joke may be, no one gets it. Some explanation would be appreciated. Persistence of a post nobody understands and which seems offensive at face value will not be appreciated.
 

Shady

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I think he is saying that the government are crap at saying things delicately, but if Carlsberg did it, it would come out much much better, more tact and finesse, as their adverts always impressed on people that they were better at whatever they did., I don't know, i could be wrong
 

Swifty

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Decoding Swifty can be a very tricky business, but ... My first guess is that it's an in-joke that only makes sense to those in the pub / restaurant trade and who are aware of certain recent moves by Carlsberg.

Carlsberg seems to have taken the lead in trying to give pubs / restaurants some slack, because the retail establishments are stuck with lots of unused beer and hard pressed to pay for leased Carlsberg equipment. Carlsberg announced they'll take back unused stock, and equipment lease payments are suspended for the time being.

If taking advantage of Carlsberg's offers involves some sort of micro-management hassle in discriminating among products / lease agreements, that might explain the very cryptic post.

Swifty: Whatever the joke may be, no one gets it. Some explanation would be appreciated. Persistence of a post nobody understands and which seems offensive at face value will not be appreciated.
Shady got it .. Carlsberg used to play adverts on UK TV that ended with everything she's just written ..
 

Krepostnoi

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Shady got it .. Carlsberg used to play adverts on UK TV that ended with everything she's just written ..
Well, do I feel stupid now. Mind you, I'm very happy to have been wrong about it, given the alternative. Swifty, I apologise unreservedly for misinterpreting you so badly. I've edited my previous post on the matter accordingly.
 

Swifty

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Well, do I feel stupid now. Mind you, I'm very happy to have been wrong about it, given the alternative. Swifty, I apologise unreservedly for misinterpreting you so badly. I've edited my previous post on the matter accordingly.
I haven't got time for racists either mate X ..
 

Trevp666

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I always wondered what was the german word for......chillies.
 

titch

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Shady got it .. Carlsberg used to play adverts on UK TV that ended with everything she's just written ..
shady and swifty are on the same wavelength...well that is a surprise....
 
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