Humour & Jokes

Do you have a GSOH?

  • Yes

    Votes: 44 48.9%
  • Sometimes

    Votes: 14 15.6%
  • No

    Votes: 11 12.2%
  • What's a GSOH?

    Votes: 21 23.3%

  • Total voters
    90

Cochise

Never give up, never surrender
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I don't know if I've just thought this up or whether I read or heard it somewhere and it's just popped up to the surface, but it's a phrase I'm going to use next time I'm in a meeting.

'There are, as the hedgehog said to its mate, a number of points to go over'.
 

Trevp666

It was like that when I got here.........honest!!!
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Juan was a Mexican man riding his bike to go across the American border.
He was holding two bags full of sand on his back.

As soon as he got to the border, the guard stopped him and asked what was in the bags.
Juan replies "sand"
The guard told him that they would see about that and took the bags in to inspect them.
He looked through to see if there were drugs, or if they were actually sand, but it was 100 percent sand.
The guard was confused, but knew he had no proof that Juan was doing anything wrong, so he put the sand in new bags, hefted them onto Juan's back and let him cross.

This same thing happened every day for a few months, until one day, 6 months later, Juan didn't come.
After a few weeks, the guard had a day off so he went to a local bar.
He saw Juan sitting on a table on his own drinking beer, so he went over to him.
"Hey man, I know you're smuggling something in, I just want to know, between you and me, I promise I won't get you into trouble, what are you smuggling?"
Juan looked at him for a second, drank his beer then said "bicycles".
 

Trevp666

It was like that when I got here.........honest!!!
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Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off when one fellow noticed that his partner had but one golf ball.
"Don't you have at least one other golf ball?", he asked.
The other guy replied that no, he only needed the one.
"Are you sure?", the friend persisted. "What happens if you lose that ball?"
The other guy replied, "This is a very special golf ball. I won't lose it so I don't need another one."
Well," the friend asked, "what happens if you miss your shot and the ball goes in the lake?"
"That's okay," he replied, "this special golf ball floats. I'll be able to retrieve it."
"Well, what happens if you hit it into the trees and it gets lost among the bushes and shrubs?"
The other guy replied, "That's okay too. You see, this special golf ball has a homing beacon. I'll be able to get it back - no problem."
Exasperated, the friend asks, "Okay. Let's say our game goes late, the sun goes down, and you hit your ball into a sand trap. What are you going to do then?"
"No problem," says the other guy, "you see, this ball is fluorescent. I'll be able to see it in the dark."
Finally satisfied that he needs only the one golf ball, the friend asks, "Hey, where did you get a golf ball like that anyway?"
The other guy replies, "I found it."
 

Trevp666

It was like that when I got here.........honest!!!
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I really don't think it's ever possible for me to become an army sniper. Not by a long shot.
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My computer must have Miley Virus. It's stopped twerking.
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I got fired from my job as a chef for stealing kitchen equipment. It's a whisk I was willing to take.
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Some of my friends have difficulty sleeping. Hell, i can do that with my eyes closed!
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A married friend of mine has got things sorted, he never goes to bed angry if he's had an argument with his wife. She makes him sleep on the sofa.
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Statistics show that 1 in 5 people are Chinese! So that's not me or my parents or my brother but I'm suspicious of my sister, Chenguang.
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I've woken up dressed as a clown this morning! I must've slept funny.
 

EnolaGaia

I knew the job was dangerous when I took it ...
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I am desperate to purchase that fabric.
Sorry - I thought I'd already answered ... Anyway ...

The source is Spoonflower, who sell (at least partially) through Etsy and on their own website.

Here's the Etsy listing for that particular pattern:

https://www.etsy.com/listing/606928621/large-scale-penis-fabric-penis-print-by

Other adult-themed fabrics available on Etsy:

https://www.etsy.com/market/penis_material?ref=rlte_tqd_4

Spoonflower's full range of penis-themed fabrics:

https://www.spoonflower.com/en/shop?on=fabric&q=penis&availability=ForSale&sort=bestSelling
 
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