Humour & Jokes

[kamalktk]

The police came and took my dog away.

When I asked why, they said he had too many unpaid barking tickets!

 

[escargot]

 

[Bigphoot2]

 

[Trevp666]

Be careful when you ask your 'mates' to put suncream on your back

 

[Dinobot]

Be careful when you ask your 'mates' to put suncream on your back
View attachment 28152
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View attachment 28154

Which one of these guys is you?!

 

[Trevp666]

None of them! (I hope)

 

[Trevp666]

 

[Bigphoot2]

 

[Bigphoot2]

 

[Bigphoot2]

Be careful when you ask your 'mates' to put suncream on your back
View attachment 28152
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View attachment 28154

I can see Swifty turning that into a business on Cromer beach.

 

[Swifty]

View attachment 28167

No time for love Dr Jones.

 

[kamalktk]

I told my niece that I saw a moose on the way to work this morning.

She asked, "How do you know he was on his way to work?"

 

[Bigphoot2]

 

[Trevp666]

 

[kamalktk]

I like brainstorming.

Although, sometimes all I can manage is a sprinkle.

 

[michael59]

 

[michael59]

OK.
You've only got to look at successful comedians like Jimmy Carr, Frankie Boyle and Gary Delaney, who can all drag the joke down to the gutter quite happily.

How successful can they be? I've never heard of them.

 

[Swifty]

How successful can they be? I've never heard of them.

I'm not familiar with Delany, the other two are very famous/ notorius in Britain for going too far type stand up humour .. Frankie Boyle is worth some of your YouTube time but I'd recommend you wear headphones.

 

[Trevp666]

I'd recommend you wear headphones.

I second that.

 

[Trevp666]

27 days sober.

Not in a row or anything, just in total.

 

[brownmane]

Spoonflower fabrics are staggeringly expensive!

Could even say largely exaggerated

 

[escargot]

Could even say largely exaggerated

I think they print to order. Maybe on fabric woven from solid gold thread on diamond-encrusted looms.

 

[Bigphoot2]

I bought my pet duck a mask, to protect it from corona virus.
It’s nothing flashy, but it fits the bill.

 

[ChrisBoardman]

"With interest rates this low there is no point in saving anything" - David De Gea.

 

[Mythopoeika]

I love jokes about eyes - the cornea, the better.

 

[Gene Hunt73]

Subbuteo release new figures to commemorate Leeds United's return to the premier league.

 

[gordonrutter]

 

[Naughty_Felid]

Subbuteo release new figures to commemorate Leeds United's return to the premier league. View attachment 28201

I need to give this an extra like.

 

[Gene Hunt73]

 

[kamalktk]

Justice is a dish best served cold.

If it was served warm then it would be justwater.