I asked the librarian if they had any books about the history of pantomimes and she said "They're behind you".
I was supposed to be attending a course on contraceptive methods but i had to pull out at the last minute.
I was supposed to go to my 'Apathy Awareness' meeting this afternoon, but I couldn't be bothered.
A man walks into a barber shop and says, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine."
The barber lathers his face and sharpens the straight edge razor while a woman with the biggest, most beautiful breasts he has ever seen kneels down and shines his shoes.
The man says, "You and I should spend some time in a hotel room."
She replies, "My husband wouldn't like that."
The man says, "Tell him you're working overtime, and I'll pay you the difference."
She says, "You tell him......
He's the one shaving you."