Humour & Jokes

Do you have a GSOH?

  • Yes

    Votes: 57 50.4%
  • Sometimes

    Votes: 16 14.2%
  • No

    Votes: 12 10.6%
  • What's a GSOH?

    Votes: 28 24.8%

  • Total voters
    113

WeeScottishLassie

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5DDDAF5E-FA77-42A7-8321-828480783DFE.jpeg.jpg
 

Trevp666

It was like that when I got here.........honest!!!
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The best time on my analogue clock is 5:35.
Hands down.
_________________

Foods that could be American TV news
correspondents if you delivered their name with
enough conviction:
Basil Pesto
Rosemary Mash
Peach Cobbler
Olive Chutney
Saffron Rice
Ginger Flapjacks
Kale Tabbouleh
Kobe Beef
Honey Parsnips
 

Cochise

Priest of the cult of the Dog with the Broken Paw
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Copied from elsewhere: (context - Falklands War)

"On Ascension Island in 1982, a call was received for 12 knives. Irritably, an overworked logistics officer demanded to know why a small order for an everyday item deserved his “immediate” attention.

The Special Boat Squadron, sailing south that night, amended its request: “Reference knives. These are knives, stabbing, not knives, eating.” The request was met with alacrity."
 

uair01

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I looked up some German humour. These were the best ones, sorry for that ...

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What an exciting fragrance. - Smells like new cars.
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One ball, poo flavoured please. - Oh, no, not him again ...
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Oh Lord! Your husband!
 

Swifty

doesn't negotiate with terriers
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When Chuck Norris wants breakfast, chickens lay omelettes.
 

Swifty

doesn't negotiate with terriers
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Copied from elsewhere: (context - Falklands War)

"On Ascension Island in 1982, a call was received for 12 knives. Irritably, an overworked logistics officer demanded to know why a small order for an everyday item deserved his “immediate” attention.

The Special Boat Squadron, sailing south that night, amended its request: “Reference knives. These are knives, stabbing, not knives, eating.” The request was met with alacrity."
Humans don't get much harder than the SBS.
 

Nosmo King

I'm not a cat
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pandacracker

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A joke from my German friend.

A 60 year old couple are walking in the woods when they happen upon a kindly fairy.

"I will give you one wish each" says the fairy

"I would like a diamond necklace says the wife" so the fairy waves its wand and... poof... the wife has a beautiful diamond necklace around her neck.

"Your turn" says the fairy to the husband and without hesitation he says "I would like my wife to be thirty years younger"

The fairy waves its wand and.. poof... the man becomes 90.
 

genex17

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A former Navy Seal was on a movie set with his girlfriend when the producer said, "She's cute. What would you say if I took her out on a date?"
Fingering his standard issue knife, former NS smiled, "You have to sleep sometime."
 

Trevp666

It was like that when I got here.........honest!!!
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Bigphoot2

Not sprouts! I hate sprouts.
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