Humour & Jokes

Do you have a GSOH?

  • Yes

    Votes: 56 50.5%
  • Sometimes

    Votes: 16 14.4%
  • No

    Votes: 12 10.8%
  • What's a GSOH?

    Votes: 27 24.3%

  • Total voters
    111

Trevp666

It was like that when I got here.........honest!!!
Joined
May 29, 2009
Messages
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Location
Welwyn Garden City (but oddly, not an actual city)
(Viz Top Tips)

SKATEBOARDERS. Next time you come to a set of steps with a handrail in the middle, pick up your skateboard in one hand, grasp the handrail with the other and carefully walk down the steps. This way it won't be quite as painful on your bollocks
___________

BUY onions instead of apples. They are just as crunchy and always much cheaper.
___________

ASTHMATICS. Avoid going on holiday to places where the scenery is described as 'breathtaking'.
___________

GAMBLERS. For a new gambling opportunity try sending a £50 note to yourself, inside a birthday card, by Royal Mail.
 

Nosmo King

I'm not a cat
Joined
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Just going through some things in my tool lockers and saq this box of screws, im assuming they are not big sellers in Ireland :hahazebs:

20210325_112436.png
 

Trevp666

It was like that when I got here.........honest!!!
Joined
May 29, 2009
Messages
5,972
Reaction score
16,479
Points
299
Location
Welwyn Garden City (but oddly, not an actual city)
(more Viz Top Tips)

REDUCE wear and tear on your work clothes by 20% by simply staying in bed on Mondays and not going to work.
__________

CAR tyres painted white and wrapped together in dozens with a green tarpaulin sheet make ideal packets of Polo for short sighted giants.
__________

ALWAYS keep tubes of haemorrhoid ointment and Deep Heat rub well separated in your bathroom cabinet.
__________

STOP bread from drying out by keeping it in a bucket of water.
__________

DISCOURAGE burglars by wearing a policeman's uniform and standing outside your house day and night.
 

Swifty

doesn't negotiate with terriers
Joined
Sep 15, 2013
Messages
31,819
Reaction score
50,712
Points
289
(more Viz Top Tips)

REDUCE wear and tear on your work clothes by 20% by simply staying in bed on Mondays and not going to work.
__________

CAR tyres painted white and wrapped together in dozens with a green tarpaulin sheet make ideal packets of Polo for short sighted giants.
__________

ALWAYS keep tubes of haemorrhoid ointment and Deep Heat rub well separated in your bathroom cabinet.
__________

STOP bread from drying out by keeping it in a bucket of water.
__________

DISCOURAGE burglars by wearing a policeman's uniform and standing outside your house day and night.
My favourite ever all time Viz top tip:

Convince your neighbours you aren't home by switching all of your lights off and scurrying about on all fours.
 

Swifty

doesn't negotiate with terriers
Joined
Sep 15, 2013
Messages
31,819
Reaction score
50,712
Points
289
I once killed a man just to see the look on his face, but i got distracted and missed it.

(Cant remember who told this joke but it made me laugh, but my sense of humour is pretty f*cked up)
A Johnny Cash reference ? .. "But I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die." .. maybe?
 
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