Humour & Jokes

Do you have a GSOH?

  • Yes

    Votes: 54 50.9%
  • Sometimes

    Votes: 15 14.2%
  • No

    Votes: 12 11.3%
  • What's a GSOH?

    Votes: 25 23.6%

  • Total voters
    106

escargot

Disciple of Marduk
Joined
Aug 24, 2001
Messages
32,899
Reaction score
40,947
Points
309
Location
HM The Tower of London
My high-functioning alcoholic father took the extended family on canal holidays, surreptitiously swigging whisky all day.
Early hours of one morning he woke up, plastered as usual, and decided the boat was moored the wrong way round.

He got up, tried turning it round on his own and rammed it diagonally across t'cut. Devil of a job to free it! :chuckle:
 

Mythopoeika

I am a meat popsicle
Joined
Sep 18, 2001
Messages
44,323
Reaction score
36,564
Points
309
Location
Inside a starship, watching puny humans from afar
My high-functioning alcoholic father took the extended family on canal holidays, surreptitiously swigging whisky all day.
Early hours of one morning he woke up, plastered as usual, and decided the boat was moored the wrong way round.

He got up, tried turning it round on his own and rammed it diagonally across t'cut. Devil of a job to free it! :chuckle:
Was the boat called the EVER GIVEN?
 

Swifty

doesn't negotiate with terriers
Joined
Sep 15, 2013
Messages
30,818
Reaction score
46,477
Points
284
Always remember everyone :) ..

atouching001.jpg
 

Souleater

Justified & Ancient
Joined
Jan 10, 2021
Messages
3,512
Reaction score
6,051
Points
203
I broke my little toe walking out of the lounge of an old shared house in which i was living, after catching it on the stupid valancy thing they put around the bottom of old sofas, it made an audiable snap that the other 3 people in the room heard over the sound of the tv :oops:
 
Last edited:

Swifty

doesn't negotiate with terriers
Joined
Sep 15, 2013
Messages
30,818
Reaction score
46,477
Points
284
Another reason why the 70's was a better time .. we worried about standing on Lego bricks instead! .. but there was more creepy teachers about so I might have to re think this post ..
 

Trevp666

It was like that when I got here.........honest!!!
Joined
May 29, 2009
Messages
3,898
Reaction score
9,985
Points
219
Location
Welwyn Garden City (but oddly, not an actual city)
The last time I had a vaccination for something, some years ago, my man-sausage swelled up and got really painful.
So I went back to the doctors and he asked "What do you want me to do for you?"
And I said "Can you give me something to get rid of the pain, but leave the swelling?".
 

Trevp666

It was like that when I got here.........honest!!!
Joined
May 29, 2009
Messages
3,898
Reaction score
9,985
Points
219
Location
Welwyn Garden City (but oddly, not an actual city)
(old jokes)

The doctor is stood next to the bedside of a very sick patient and says, “I cannot hide the fact that your are a very ill man. So ill, that in my opinion, you are unlikely to make it through the week. Is there anyone you would like to see?”.
“Yes,” replied the patient faintly, “A different doctor”.
_________

A preacher goes into a bar and says "Anybody who wants to go to heaven, stand up."
Everybody stands up except for a drunk in the corner.
The preacher says "My son, don't you want to go to heaven when you die?"
The drunk says "When I die? Sure. I thought you were taking a load up now."
_________

A man is sitting in a bar when a beautiful woman walks up and whispers in his ear, “I'll do anything you want for 50 bucks.”
He puts his drink down and starts going through his pockets.
He pulls out a ten, two five's, a twenty and ten ones.
He thrusts the wadded up money into the woman's hand and says, "Here...paint my house.”
_________

(Viz Top Tips)
IF YOU WANT your mother-in-law never to come back to your house, buy her a razor for Christmas.
KEEP your wife on her toes. Nail the housekeeping money to the ceiling.
AVOID bickering and petty arguments by immediately punching anyone with whom you disagree.
MAKE rowing a boat easier by drilling a few large holes through the oars.
 
Top