Humour & Jokes

Do you have a GSOH?

  • Yes

    Votes: 54 50.9%
  • Sometimes

    Votes: 15 14.2%
  • No

    Votes: 12 11.3%
  • What's a GSOH?

    Votes: 25 23.6%

  • Total voters
    106

Bigphoot2

Not sprouts! I hate sprouts.
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loo paper.jpeg
 

Trevp666

It was like that when I got here.........honest!!!
Joined
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(another visit to the old jokes home)

I am learning how to do the Hokey Cokey, I've not perfected it yet but I've got the ins and outs.
_________

Greggs say they are thinking of using drones to do home delivery, I think its pie in the sky.
_________

I've asked my girlfriend to polish my medieval battle uniform while I go to the pub.
She always said she wanted a night in, shining armour.
_________

Why can’t humans hear a dog whistle? – Because dogs can’t whistle.
 

Trevp666

It was like that when I got here.........honest!!!
Joined
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(Viz Top Tips)

TURN your greenhouse into a garden shed by boarding up the windows with spare floorboards.

BUTCHERS. Make a mockery of the phrase 'fit as a butchers dog' by neglecting your dog horribly.

FARMERS. Get butter out of your cows by 'rodeo riding' them for an hour or two before milking time.

A WIRE brush makes an ideal 'bed of nails' for a hamster.

CONFUSE shopkeepers by buying some wrapping paper then asking them to wrap it for you.
 

Trevp666

It was like that when I got here.........honest!!!
Joined
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Messages
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Location
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More Viz Top Tips;

MAKE everyone think you wear glasses by making a mark on the bridge of your nose with a hot teaspoon every morning.

MOTHS dipped in lighter fluid and released into a room lit by candles make an effective and inexpensive 'indoor fireworks' display.

WHEN buying fruit by the kilo, buy grapes instead of apples. Apples are much heavier.

PUTTING just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes eyes bulge and causes them to swim in an amusing manner.

A SHREDDED wheat on a stick makes a great back scrubber for the first couple of seconds of your shower.

SAVE having to buy expensive personalised number plates by simply changing your name to match your existing registration (Mr BD67 XFY)

SKIERS. Carry a dog biscuit in your pocket. That way, in the event of an avalanche, the rescue dogs will find you first.
 

uair01

Justified & Ancient
Joined
Apr 12, 2005
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Location
Rotterdam
More Viz Top Tips;
SAVE having to buy expensive personalised number plates by simply changing your name to match your existing registration (Mr BD67 XFY)

Didn't Elon Musk do that with his firstborn?
 
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