Humour & Jokes

Do you have a GSOH?

  • Yes

    Votes: 54 50.9%
  • Sometimes

    Votes: 15 14.2%
  • No

    Votes: 12 11.3%
  • What's a GSOH?

    Votes: 25 23.6%

  • Total voters
    106

WeeScottishLassie

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168446220_1720768284789772_7733192255215261258_n.jpg
 

hunck

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When you lift up a hamsters wee home to clean it out or say hello or something like that, they're normally asleep.

So you're waking them up and they kinda make that expression :)

I've had loads and they do look like that!! Lol!
Right - have to take your word for that. It's a niche joke...
 
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hunck

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When you lift up a hamsters wee home to clean it out or say hello or something like that, they're normally asleep.

So you're waking them up and they kinda make that expression :)

I've had loads and they do look like that!! Lol!

Doesn't explain the igloos.. Did your hamsters live in igloos? I'm more of a guinea pig man myself. An entirely different kettle of fish.
 

WeeScottishLassie

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Doesn't explain the igloos.. Did your hamsters live in igloos? I'm more of a guinea pig man myself. An entirely different kettle of fish.
They lived in many different types of houses.

I had Guinea pigs too.
 

Trevp666

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I bought some 'walking shoes' today. Surely, that's all shoes?
________

Today i read an article about the dangers of drinking which scared the crap out of me, so that's it, no more reading!
________

My optician only just today told me that I'm colourblind. Well, that came straight outta the green.
________

A sequel to 'The Iron Lady' in which Margaret Thatcher was haunted by the ghost of her husband is being released this summer. It's going to be titled 'The Phantom Denis'.
 

Trevp666

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That reminds me - I must go round to Vickys.....
1617891670715.png
 

Trevp666

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A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend.
She was thrilled at the speed.
"If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked.
"Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend.
And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes.
Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over.
The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was trapped in the car with just one leg poking out. "Go and get help!" he cried.
"But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!"
"Take my shoe off my foot", he said, "and cover yourself."
So holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station.
Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor,
"Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!"
The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do, lady................he's in too far."
 

Trevp666

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Husband to wife: ‘I hear you’ve been telling everyone that I’m an idiot.’
Wife: ‘Sorry, I didn’t know it was a secret.’
_______

John: I didn't sleep with my wife before we were married. Did you?
Bob: I'm not sure. What was your wife's maiden name?
_______

A woman was telling her friend , "I made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.
The woman replied, "A multi-millionaire".
_______

Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"
The policeman said, "What's he like?"
Little Johnny replied, "Beer and women!"
 

Souleater

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Multi millionare Khloe Kardashian wants to get this photo removed from the web because it hasnt been airbrushed to make her look perfect, all together now, awww

Screenshot_20210408-170321.png


The TV star and social media influencer and her team usually know how to produce the impossibly perfect image.

So after an unfiltered picture was shared to her social media "by mistake" they were keen to have it taken down.

https://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-56660476
 

Trevp666

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(Another visit to the old jokes home)

A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out.
As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death."
He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"
___________

Wife: Why do you go outside when I start singing.
Husband: Because otherwise people would think I'm beating you.
___________

A man rushes into his house and says to his wife "I've won £7.2 million on the lottery.....pack your suitcases and don't forget to find your passport too!"
"Oooh" says his wife "...are we going on holiday?"
"No" says the man "...I'm throwing you out!"
___________

A guy stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity:
looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed.
Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long?
Hit the damn ball!"
The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse.
I want to make this a perfect shot."
"Forget it, man," says his partner.
"You'll never hit her from here."
___________

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman."
The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"
The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."
The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put £50 in the poor box."
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.
He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn’t put any money in the poor box!"
The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the £50 on the box, and according to you, that’s the same as putting it in!"
___________

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee.
His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!"
Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly.
"That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad.
Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor.
She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her.
Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?"
 
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