Humour & Jokes

Do you have a GSOH?

  • Yes

    Votes: 54 50.9%
  • Sometimes

    Votes: 15 14.2%
  • No

    Votes: 12 11.3%
  • What's a GSOH?

    Votes: 25 23.6%

  • Total voters
    106

WeeScottishLassie

Justified & Ancient
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1617892359474.png
 

Bigphoot2

Not sprouts! I hate sprouts.
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A guy is having a check-up at the doctor's...

"Do you think I will have a long and healthy life?"

"I doubt it," says the doctor shaking his head "Mercury is in Uranus right now"

"I don't believe in that astrology crap, doc"

"Yeah, neither do I. My thermometer just broke"
 

uair01

Justified & Ancient
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My husband’s conversation with Prince Philip. Cambridge College SCR.
HRH: What do you do?
Husb: I teach anatomy.
HRH: Ah, my ghillie has been teaching me how to disembowel a stag. Why do you have to tie the intestines up with string?
Husb: So the shit doesn’t fall out, sir.

 

Trevp666

It was like that when I got here.........honest!!!
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A collection of 'Phil the Greek' quotes. (Amongst others)

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
Everybody was saying we must have more leisure. Now they are complaining they are unemployed.
You can't have been here that long—you haven't got a pot belly. (Said to a Briton in Budapest, Hungary in 1993)
You are a woman, aren't you?
How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test? (Asked of a driving instructor in Scotland)
Do you still throw spears at each other? (Said in 2002 to an Indigenous Australian businessman)
You look like you’re ready for bed! (Said in 2003 to President of Nigeria, who was in national dress)
Just take the f___ing picture! (Said during an official photo shoot of the 75th anniversary of the Battle of Britain in 2015)
 

Trevp666

It was like that when I got here.........honest!!!
Joined
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Location
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I was watching Fox News earlier and I was disappointed that there was absolutely no news about foxes whatsoever.
___________

Joe loved golf, but his eyesight had gotten so bad, that he couldn't find his ball once he'd hit it.
He consulted with his wife, and she recommended that Joe bring along her uncle Ted.
Joe said, "But Ted is 80 years old and half senile!"
His wife replied, "Yes, but his eyesight is incredible."
Joe finally agreed and took Ted along.
He teed off and could feel that he had hit it solidly.
He asked Ted, "Do you see it?"
Ted nodded his head and said, "Boy, that was a beautiful shot!"
Joe excitedly asked, "Well, where did it land?!"
Ted said, "Hmmm. I forget."
 

kamalktk

Antediluvian
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Multi millionare Khloe Kardashian wants to get this photo removed from the web because it hasnt been airbrushed to make her look perfect, all together now, awww

View attachment 37831

The TV star and social media influencer and her team usually know how to produce the impossibly perfect image.

So after an unfiltered picture was shared to her social media "by mistake" they were keen to have it taken down.

https://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-56660476
There is no such thing as an unedited photo of her, she's been heavily edited by plastic surgeons.
 
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