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Humour & Jokes

Do you have a GSOH?

  • Yes

    Votes: 54 50.9%
  • Sometimes

    Votes: 15 14.2%
  • No

    Votes: 12 11.3%
  • What's a GSOH?

    Votes: 25 23.6%

  • Total voters
    106

MercuryCrest

The Severed Head of a Great Old One.
Joined
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What's the difference between a pregnant person and a lightbulb?

You can unscrew the lightbulb.


How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw in the lightbulb, the other to hold the penis--Er, wait, ladder. I meant, "Ladder!"
 

Trevp666

It was like that when I got here.........honest!!!
Joined
May 29, 2009
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Location
Welwyn Garden City (but oddly, not an actual city)
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passengers had been killed.
As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.
The officer looked down at the monkey and said "I wish you could talk."
The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down.
"You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer.
Again, the monkey shook his head up and down.
"Well, did you see this?"
"Yes," motioned the monkey, with a nod.
"What happened?" The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.
"They were drinking?" asked the officer.
"Yes." again the monkey motioned
"What else?"
The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.
"They were smoking marijuana?"
"Yes." nodded the monkey.
"Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, and smoking marijuana before they wrecked."
"Yes."
"What were you doing during all this?"
The monkey put his clenched hands out in front of him and moved them up and down.....
"Driving" motioned the monkey.
 

Trevp666

It was like that when I got here.........honest!!!
Joined
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Messages
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Location
Welwyn Garden City (but oddly, not an actual city)
A woman and a baby are in the doctors surgery and the doc is concerned about the babys weight.
"Is he bottle fed or breast fed?"
The woman replies, "Breast fed."
The doc gets her to strip down to her waist so he can examine her breasts.
He pinches her nipples and rubs both breasts for a while ... "No wonder the baby is underweight, you have no milk."
The woman replies, "I know, I'm his granny ... but I'm glad I came!"
 

JamesWhitehead

Piffle Prospector
Joined
Aug 2, 2001
Messages
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309
This is a real children's book ..
It would be nice to believe it but there are hundreds of these not-so-innocent volumes about pussies and beavers. They seem to be sold, mainly, to folk who read them on Youtube. There are competing versions of many titles - I presume there is some profit-sharing algorithm . . . :nods:
 

EnolaGaia

I knew the job was dangerous when I took it ...
Staff member
Joined
Jul 19, 2004
Messages
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Location
Out of Bounds
Woman accidentally joins search party looking for herself
This story apparently dates back to 2012. Here's the earliest published version I can find, from the Toronto Sun ...
Missing woman unwittingly joins search party looking for herself

FIRST POSTED: TUESDAY, AUGUST 28, 2012 07:17 PM EDT

A group of tourists spent hours Saturday night looking for a missing woman near Iceland's Eldgja canyon, only to find her among the search party.

The group was travelling through Iceland on a tour bus and stopped near the volcanic canyon in the southern highlands Saturday afternoon, reports the Icelandic news organization mbl.is.

One of the women on the bus left to change her clothes and freshen up. When she came back, her busmates didn't recognize her.

Soon, there was word of a missing passenger. The woman didn't recognize the description of herself, and joined in the search.

About 50 people searched the terrain by vehicles and on foot. The coast guard was even readying a helicopter to help.

But the search was called off at about 3 a.m., when it became clear the missing woman was, in fact, accounted for and searching for herself.
SALVAGED FROM THE WAYBACK MACHINE:
https://web.archive.org/web/2014070...an-unwittingly-joins-search-party-for-herself

See Also:
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/...ndic-tourist-goes-search-herself-8096831.html
 

WeeScottishLassie

Justified & Ancient
Joined
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EnolaGaia

I knew the job was dangerous when I took it ...
Staff member
Joined
Jul 19, 2004
Messages
22,130
Reaction score
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Points
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Location
Out of Bounds
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