A priest is walking through town at his new parish when a hooker approaches him.
"Blowjobs for $20 if you're interested".
Confused by this he smiles, blesses her and goes back to the church.
He sees one of the nuns and asks her, "Sister, what's a blowjob?"
She replies, "$20. Same as in town".
A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the toilet seat.
The wife comes home sooner than expected, sits, and gets the seat stuck to her rear.
She is understandably distraught about this and asks her husband to drive her to the doctor.
She puts on a large overcoat so as to cover the stuck seat, and they go.
When they get to the doctor's, the man lifts his wife's coat to show their predicament.
The man asks, "Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?"
"Well, yes," the doctor replies, "but not framed like that."
My friend told me that his memory is getting so bad it's caused him to lose his job.
He's still employed, he just can't remember where.
My friend told me that nothing rhymes with 'orange'.
I said "No it doesn't"
My friend told me that the word 'sugar' is the only word in which the letter 'S' is pronounced as 'Sh'.
I said "Are you sure?"
So what if i don't know what Armageddon means!? It's not the end of the world!